Page 61 of Loco

“Since we’ve decided none of us need new shoes, let’s go shopping for the bride and groom.”

“Good idea,” I said in response to Lissa. “And while we’re at it, maybe I can find me a new man.” I’d said it loud enough to make sure that Loco heard, and then I shot him a smile to prove to him that I was more than okay. He hadn’t broken me.

Everyone got a good laugh at that.

I felt Loco’s eyes follow me as I walked past him toward the mall stores.

Chapter 28

Loco

“You gotta go talk to her, Brother.”

I cut my eyes to Doc, still pissed at him after he’d told me that he’d spent time with Millie at the mall while I’d been picking up that fucking package for Bobbie. Prospects usually did that kind of shit, but Bobbi had known that I’d planned to be in that area of the mall and had asked me to make the stop. Couldn’t wait until this fucking wedding was over and things returned to normal, especially at the clubhouse.

“You want to fix it, that’s where you start.”

He hadn’t heard what I had--that Millie was shopping for a new man. Although I half-suspected that Millie had said it loud enough so that I would hear her. “She didn’t look too broken up about it yesterday.”

“I’m telling you, that girl is hurting.”

I snorted with disgust. “You think I don’t know that? I’m the fucker who hurt her.”

“Yeah, you fucked up.”

“I swear to fuck, Brother, if you say that one more time…” Doc wasn’t the only one who’d said it in the past two weeks, because by now everyone had heard the fucking story. “I did something stupid. I own that. But I got to ask myself if this is for the best. I wanted to try with her. I . . .” Fuck, I stopped myself from saying it. “We both have… issues.” Fuck, that sounded so inadequate.

Doc’s head swung my way. “Issues? What kind of issues? You can’t keep your dick in your pants?”

I released a loud breath. “Trust issues.” Yeah, that about summed it up. “Millie can’t let go of my past. She’s afraid she won’t be enough for me.”

“Huh. Go figure,” Happy said on the other side of me. He’d been listening apparently. “Wonder why she thinks that. Maybe her catching you with Kelly clued her in.”

“I didn’t fucking touch Kelly!” I snarled, knocking my glass off the bar onto the floor. It crashed, causing several heads to turn our way.

“But you wanted to,” Happy said, pissing me off because it was the truth.

“IthoughtI wanted to,” I corrected, barely getting the words out between my teeth. “I’d been drinking and thought I had something to prove. I couldn’t even get it up without thinking about Millie.” I wasn’t proud of what I’d done. “Don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship.”

Doc nodded as if he understood where I was coming from. “Relationships are a lot of work,” he said in an agreeable tone. “Look at Cole and Raven, Sax and Holly. Fuck, look at all the brothers who have old ladies and kids. They all thought the same way in the beginning. Didn’t want to give up that freedom. Didn’t think they were good enough. But look what they got now. Who doesn’t want something like that?”

“The club man-whore,” I muttered. I caught Rylie’s attention. “Another whiskey!”

“Don’t fool yourself, Brother.” I swung my head back to Happy. “Time to step down and let someone else take that title. Once you meet the right woman, everything else falls into place. You’re just too fuckin’ stubborn to give in to it. Doing stupid shit to sabotage your chances.”

I snatched my drink from Rylie’s hand. “What are you, the fucking club shrink?”

Happy shrugged, reaching for his beer. “I like to observe, Brother. You and that cute little redhead are into each other. Sure, you got issues.” He didn’t say that the issue was trust, because we both knew it was more than just that. “Can’t solve anything if you ain’t talking.”

Maybe Happy was right. Fuck knew if Millie hadn’t gotten her panties all in a twist over that drawer of panties, we could have talked it out. I could have soothed her worries by doing what I’d done as soon as I’d walked into my room, and gotten rid of everything. I wasn’t blaming her. Fuck, I knew she had insecurities, but I couldn’t wipe away my fucking past.

It wasn’t just about my past, though. Finding Kelly in my room, naked and fingering herself right in front of me, that was a bigger problem. Getting Millie over that would take work. I thought about how the last two weeks had been without her. Millie was the only woman who’d been able to reach me on a level that wasn’t only about fucking. I’d fucking claimed her in my mind, and I was pretty fucking certain I’d also said those words out loud.

“Guess you have to make up your mind whether you think Millie’s worth the fight.” There was something in Doc’s tone that indicated that he thought she was. “Maybe seeing her with someone else would wake up your stupid ass.”

The growl that came up my throat sounded like an animal warning off his opponent. Doc knew what the fuck he was doing. Planting that image in my head filled me with the need to tear shit up. I curled my fists with the urge to grab my brother and shut him up by knocking out his front teeth. The thought of Millie with someone else caused me to come to the decision that I needed to fix this or move the fuck on.

I needed to talk to her, because she was worth fighting for. Maybe even do a little groveling, because I wanted her that bad.

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