Page 85 of A Quarterback for Christmas

“He’s going to find out soon, B. I can’t keep something like this hidden from him for long.”

“I’m not ready.”

“When will you be ready?”

“I don’t know.”

Shaking his head, he finds his t-shirt and shoves it on. I follow suit, not wanting to be the only naked person in the room. “I should have known this would happen. You don’t want a commitment; you want a conquest. I should never have agreed to take you on dates away from campus. I’m your secret little sex toy. Nothing else.”

I have to stop myself from laughing at his words because it’s not a joke. His hard-lined face tells me just how serious he is.

“That’s not true.”

“Okay. Then what are we?” He asks it like a professor that knows you haven’t been listening.

And I answer it like a student that is most likely failing the course with a shrug. “I guess we’re just people that like to get naked together. You know, you’re someone that likes to put his fingers inside me, and I’m someone that likes to put your cock in my mouth as a thank you.”

I close my eyes because I know that’s a lie. That’s not what Drew is to me. It never has been, but when he puts me on the spot like this, I don’t know how else to answer. He wants me tocommit, and I haven’t had a boyfriend since Jimmy, and this is the main reason why. Boys are drama. Drama. Drama. Drama.

And Drew is the biggest drama of them all. My father might have an aneurysm when he finds out.

I stop my mind mid-thought. Is the drama only happening with DrewbecauseI want him to be my boyfriend but don’t know how to do it without my dad finding out?

When I look up, I’m met with Drew’s ticked jaw, and I give him a smile that I hope he knows means I’m semi-joking. He doesn’t find it funny, though.

“Unbelievable,” Drew mutters, stalking past me. “Guess that answers my question.”

With his hand on the door, I shout, “Wait.” He stops but doesn’t turn to look at me. “I like you a lot, Drew. I want to tell my father; it’s just that things are complicated.”

There. I said it. I got it out.

“Let’s uncomplicate it then.” He spins on his heel with a smile on his face.

“Uncomplicate it, how?” My shoulders draw down, and I hide my disappointment because it feels like we’re about to have the breakup talk. There’s sweat on my brow, and my heart beats faster. What am I doing? Why the hell am I pushing Drew away? I don’t want to break up with him. We’ve only just started.

His hands wrap around my arms, and he bends down on one knee. My eyes widen because, oh my god, did I get this all wrong? Here I was thinking it was a breakup talk, but he’s about to propose.

“I’m not ready for marriage,” I blurt out, and he stops moving.

“Good to know. I’m not ready for breakfast. Pretty full after my workout,” he says with a smirk.

“Sorry, I don’t know what I’m talking about.” I drop my head, trying to hide my burning cheeks, but Drew doesn’t let thatlast long. He tips my chin with his thick finger and kisses me passionately before dropping his forehead on mine.

“Let’s tell your dad we’re dating. It uncomplicates everything.”

How can he still not get it? I’ve said no, but he’s still pushing. I went out to the bar, but he wants more commitment. I don’t know if I can give him more than I already have. He’s Drew. Perfect in every way, and everyone loves him, but I’m me. I’ll fuck it all up, and lose him and my father in the process.

“I’ve already said no.” Backing out of his hold, he doesn’t stop me. “I like you, Drew, but I’m not ready to see my relationship with my father broken because I took his favorite player away. I’ve fucked up too many times in the past, and this doesn’t just affect me. It affects you, my dad, and the whole team. There’s a lot to consider, and I can’t commit to that.”

The honesty feels like a heavy weight off my shoulders, but the sadness on Drew’s face adds it all back. I can’t give him what he wants, and he can’t accept who I am.

“I’m sorry, but I think I should go.”

We’re at an impasse. We always have been, but it’s only now that I’m confident enough to admit it.

I back out of the room, watching Drew as I leave. He says nothing. There’s no emotion on his face as I shut the door, but what was I expecting? A goodbye kiss? Yeah, I blew up any opportunity of that happening.

Walking out, when I shut the door, there’s a heavy sense of finality, and I don’t like it, but I’m not strong enough to go back and fix it.

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