Page 80 of Betting on the Brainiac

“Are you saying Madi isn’t good enough to date?” Joey asks, sounding even more riled.

“No, dude. I’m saying she’s free to date whoever she wants, and if I meet a cool dude, I’ll set them up myself, but I don’t think she’ll need my help.”

“You got that right,” Joey says, but he’s uncrossed his arms. “This really is a business deal?”

“I still don’t like it,” Josh says.

“You looked at Madi’s prenup, right?” I ask him.

“Yes, but a lawyer knows better than anyone that the best loopholes are the subtle ones.”

I flick a glance at the microwave clock in the kitchen. “I’m supposed to be getting married now, I think. Josh, you’ve seen the prenup. It’s solid, and I won’t be looking for any loopholes. She’s going to be fine.”

Joey and Josh trade glances. Joey nods and they both back away. “I gotta go get the music ready in case this wedding still happens.”

“We’ll head out too,” Matt says. “Unless you need me to stay?”

I shake my head. I know he wants to unload on both of these gentlemen, but it’s not their fault they don’t have all the facts. “Let Madi know we’ll be out in a minute.”

Charlie, Matt, and Joey file out, and when the door shuts behind them, I meet Josh’s gaze. “There’s something new you should know . . .”

Chapter Thirty-One

Madison

Joey, Matt, and Charliewalk out right before I’m about to go pound on my fiancé’s door and inform him that I refuse to be stood up at my convenience store wedding.

“Josh and Oliver will be out in a minute,” Charlie says, giving me a reassuring smile. I bet it’s the smile he gives to little kids who lose their parents in the library.

Joey exchanges looks with the other men before he slides his iPhone from his pocket and heads to the speakers he set up.

Ruby watches this exchange, then mutters low so only I can hear, “That’s what it feels like having four older brothers.”

“I don’t like it,” I tell her.

She shakes her head. “It’s not always piggyback rides. It’s mostly noogies.”

Sami fills the waiting with spontaneous poetry about 7-Eleven. I love her “Ode to That Weird Hot Dog Machine” and the lineabout “tube of meat in nuclear heat,” but I’m about ready to march to Oliver’s again.

Our neighbors burst into applause when she rhymes sauerkraut with “walk right out,” and that’s when Oliver appears with Josh. They walk toward us, Oliver with an apologetic smile, Josh looking . . . pensive? Like his mind is only half on the wedding. Oliver has a 7-Eleven napkin folded as a pocket square, and I grin. That’s the spirit.

“Sorry about the delay,” Oliver calls. “Technical issues, but we’re good to go.”

Josh nods in Joey’s direction like he’s confirming this.As ifI need either of these men to decide what I need and what I don’t. Oooh, we shall have words, these boys and me.

Sami takes her spot in front of the pool. “We’re ready, friends. Oliver and the groomsmen, please?” She indicates where they should stand to her left. “Besties?”

Since we’re not invested in a traditional wedding, I’ve cherry-picked which traditions I want, texting back and forth with Oliver all week to run my choices past him. The only thing he vetoed was a wedding arch made of hot-glued Slurpee cups. That was fair. It would blow over with a sneeze.

“Let’s go!” I call, and a laugh ripples through the audience. Ruby and Ava are walking me down the aisle, and we’ve got a show to put on.

Jamie Foxx’s voice pours out of the speaker in a soulful a cappella. The first full laughs break out while we hit a series of four epic vogues as people recognize the song, but it’s not until the horns drop as our feet hit the aisle that Oliver starts laughing and Sami raps along with Kanye about gold diggers.

Joey cuts the music when we reach Sami, and I hand my bouquet to Ruby, who is now lined up on Sami’s right.

“Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here together to join Madison and Oliver in this weird business marriage they’redoing. If you have any objections, let’s hear them, but let it be known, my lawyer boyfriend and I researched this, and you can only object on actual legal grounds, and these two have their legal contracts all in order. Any objections?”

Only Oliver looks around, but no one says anything.

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