Page 68 of Trash the Dress

I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he will protect our son no matter what. But am I still included in that? Will he continue to keep my heart safe?

I hate that I’m questioning everything, but I didn’t process much of anything after what happened with Eric, and I recognizemy own trust issues…I just don’t know how to overcome them. Add in Vivian’s taunts and relentless quest to get Zander back by any means necessary and my insecurities are a heavy weight to carry.

“I trust your creative eye more than mine,” I tell him.

He smiles and bends down to kiss my lips, but I turn at the last minute. “Why do you keep doing that, Scarlett?” he asks as he stands back to his full towering height.

I move closer to the bassinet to check on the baby. “Doing what?”

“You haven’t let me kiss you since before Atlas was born.”

“You just kissed my cheek,” I say trying to deflect.

“Scarlett. Talk to me. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? I can’t help if you don’t let me in,” he says.

“We’re good, Zander. I don’t need to talk,” I tell him.

“The hell you don’t. What’s it going to take to make you trust me?” he asks as he gently tugs my arm so I face him.

“I don’t want to do this right now. Atlas needs his sleep. We’ll talk later. I’m going to take a shower while he’s napping,” I tell him.

He doesn’t try to stop me and I’m grateful, but as I’m getting out of the shower, he stands against the door with his muscular arms crossed, stretching the fabric of his T-shirt. I scramble and reach for my towel to hide myself.

He waits for me to cover up but doesn’t avert his stare, then he pushes off the wall and walks toward me. When he’s in front of me, he tips my chin up and kisses my lips softly. I forget for a few seconds…all the doubts. But it crashes back into me the moment I hear Atlas move on the baby monitor.

I step back still clutching my towel in one hand and push against his chest with my other one. Angry dark eyes are what I find waiting for me after I see that Atlas is still sleeping on the monitor.

“I need to know why you won’t let me touch you…why you’re pushing me away,” he says in a firm tone.

“Zander…” I trail off. My heart is trembling in my chest. I’m scared all the things Vivian said are true. And I can’t get the sound of his voice saying he’d always love her out of my head. And the way he looked in the picture of them…how do I compete with their history? I’m just the one-night stand he happened to get pregnant.

What if all the feelings he thinks he has for me were formed by a sense of duty instead of being led by his heart?

“I hate this,” I say barely above a whisper with my eyes squeezed shut.

“You hate what?” he asks.

I take a deep breath before I begin to try and steady my runaway heart. “The night my water broke, the client I met, it was Vivian. She posed as Marie.”

“What?” he says, anger marring his handsome face as his nostrils flare.

“She spied on us and told me she knows every inch of your house and property and that she can move in and out of here undetected.”

His face turns to stone and his jaw flexes.

“She said you never told her no either and that you were only doing the honorable thing by staying with me so that I wouldn’t keep Atlas from you.” A tear drops off my chin as I watch his hands fall to his sides and ball up into fists.

“She played a voicemail from back then and you said you’d always love her, that she was it for you. She said she wouldn’t stop trying to win you back. And then she showed me pictures of the two of you. You look so happy with her.”

He stares, unblinking and stays silent.

“She hacked into your laptop and printed off a picture of us and pointed out how you weren’t focused on me, but insteadyour attention was on my belly. You said your pictures tell the real story. Is that the only reason you want me? Because of the baby?”

His jaw clenches. “First of all, I don’t understand why you’re just now telling me about this. But if you don’t know by now how I feel about you, maybe we should focus on what Atlas needs instead of trying to make something work that clearly isn’t.”

He turns to walk away. “No, Zander, wait. She played on my insecurities. She knew about my past somehow. She even planted the seed that you wouldn’t be attracted to my postpartum body. Until she said all those things, I didn’t realize how deep my trust issues really run,” I say as more tears drop from my wobbly chin.

His eyes soften and he walks back to me and parts my towel, only exposing my soft stomach. He traces my stretch marks softly with his fingers before placing his entire palm there. “This body, every mark and curve came from a life we created together, and as he grew in here, so did my love for you with every beat of this heart in my chest. But no matter how strong my love for you is, I can’t make you trust me. You have to decide to give me that on your own. You have to decide if I’m the keeper of your heart too.”

---