Page 63 of Trash the Dress

I’m not sure, but I can’t stop this vision I have of her in my head now. Would she want that with me? We haven’t talked about marriage. It’s been a subject we’ve avoided since we both have some tricky history with weddings.

For me, thinking about being her husband doesn’t scare me…it feels right. And for the first time in a long time, I feel whole. I know what I’m supposed to do and where I need to be. I can only hope she’s on the same page. And I need to find the right moment to ask her to marry me.

She has to know it wouldn’t be only for the baby, right? I’ve done everything I can to make sure she knows where I stand, and that’s with her beside me always.

She must sense the racing in my mind because she whispers in my ear, “I love you.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Scarlett

“They’re all good. How do you pick a favorite?”

Zander smiles up at me from his office chair. “I look for the perfect angle and the best light. From there, I let the pictures talk to me and then find which one tells the story best.”

“I knew you were good, but you’re not just good, Zander. You’re amazing. You have an eye for this. I know why you stopped, but do you ever think about picking up your camera again?” I ask.

“Not until you,” he answers instantly.

“If you still want to take pictures, you should. Think about how many stories you can tell with your lens. I find that exciting. You have talent, Zander.”

He smiles at me and pulls me close enough to press a kiss to my belly. The baby kicks back and I laugh. “Your son thinks it’s a good idea too.”

He lays his hand on my belly to feel the baby’s movements. “We’ll see. I’m open to it. There’s something I’ve been wondering if you’re open to.”

I wrinkle my nose. “I’m not sure that sounds good,” I tell him, unsure what he could be referring to.

“Would you ever wear white again…for me?”

“I wore white when we took these pictures. Of course I wear white.”

He huffs out a quiet laugh. “Yes, you did. But I mean the kind of white involved in a ceremony…reciting vows. The kind of white you’d wear to say you’re mine.”

My brows lift in understanding. “You want to get married?”

“We’ve never really talked about getting married after the fiascos we’ve both been through. I’m not proposing or anything, I was just curious where you stood.”

I’m not sure how to answer. The hopeless romantic side of me wants to shout “yes!” But the part of me that was so badly burned says don’t risk getting burned again.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had a lot of time to sort the idea of marriage out. After our one night together, things moved quickly. I would need to feel like my heart is completely safe with the man I’d potentially vow forever with. Because those vows are not just words…not to me. I won’t make a commitment like that without forever being the end goal,” I tell him.

He blinks a few times, but nods. “I agree. But how would you know your heart is safe? How can you know that absolutely? Couples fight and things won’t always be sunshine and rainbows…there are inevitable storms to weather together too.”

“You’re right. But in those storms, the one thing you should never let get swept away is knowing you love each other and you’re faithful to one another. That should never be a doubt. And I think while you’re in the dating stage with someone, you see their tendencies. During that phase, there has to be a solid foundation. If there are any cracks, you can’t weather anything together,” I say.

“And who does the foundation inspection? Who decides whether it’s solid or has cracks?” he asks.

“It’s in the way you love each other. It’s either fierce and full of passion, or it just runs surface deep and begins to crumble under pressure when tested. Real love, the kind that lasts, anchors deep in your soul leaving no way for the hold to loosen.”

He stares into my eyes, but I have no clue what he’s thinking. He can’t be thinking of marriage right now. We haven’t been together long enough. What if he’s trying to see if I’m open to the idea for the sake of our son?

The love I feel for him, it’s deep but it’s too new. I’d never know if it was just for the baby. And there’s his ex-fiancée’s words that were similar to these thoughts. Maybe she planted them there. Is it fair to hold back from Zander when he’s done nothing to deserve it?

“I hear what you’re saying. And you make valid points. But no matter what, love is a risk. You have to decide if loving someone is worth that risk,” he says as he pushes his chair back.

“I need to get ready for work. I’ll be there all night till close. Will you swing by later for supper?” he asks with his hand on my hip.

“Sure,” I answer.

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