Page 49 of Trash the Dress

I take them from him and our fingers brush sending a tingle up my arm. I quickly turn away not wanting to surrender to him yet, even though I find myself craving his touch.

“Thank you. They’re beautiful,” I say without facing him.

I feel him move close to me and butterflies flutter in my stomach. He could be about to rip my heart to shreds, yet my body still reacts to him as if no danger is present.

When I don’t move away, he must take that as a sign because I feel his arms pull me close to him gently. As much as I want to melt into him, I can’t.

I pull away and put some distance between us as he drops his arms and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I’m sorry, Scarlett. I should’ve told you she stopped by the bar. I never dreamed she’d show up at the house. I know that’s on me. My only defense is seeing her was meaningless to me, but I didn’t want her suddenly showing up to cause you to stress out or worry. I processed the situation by writing it off. I wanted to pretend she had stayed gone. It felt easier than saying she suddenly wanted to talk after all this time.”

“But you not telling me about it was still a lie to me…lying by omission. If we’re a couple, we can’t hide things from one another. And then to find her in your bed…” I trail off and close my eyes. “Is there a part of you who wishes it was her?”

“No. I don’t want her. I may have been crushed by her actions, but I stopped loving her or wanting to even look at her the moment she chose my best friend. That’s the cold, hard truth. I’ve been reeling for so long because of the act itself, not because I’ve been pining forher. I didn’t know how to let someone in again until I met you,” he says.

“Do you need to find out what she wanted to talk to you about? I don’t want you wondering what might have been or having doubts while I’m the one lying beside you at night.”

He moves closer to me, as if making sure I’m paying attention. “She came back earlier today and claimed she wants another chance. She says she messed up, but that’s her consequence to live with…not mine. Besides, I think you were meant to be mine all along,” he says with hopeful, clear eyes.

I want to believe him…trust his words. But I’m scared to…for me and our son.

“I don’t just want the parts of you that you’re willing to show me. I want all of you. But I won’t make you give me something you can’t,” I tell him as my chin quivers. “I’ll ask you one last time. Do you want us? Not just you-and-meus…me-and-the-babyus.”

He moves even closer than before and cups my face in his hands. “I want it all with you, sunshine. This baby…more babies…me and you.” He kisses my nose, then my cheek, then my forehead.

He pulls back to stare into my eyes. “Now the question is, will you forgive me and come back home? Do you really want me for me, or do you want me because of the baby?”

“I want you, Zander. But with the baby coming, it feels like we’ve been rushing ‘us.’ Maybe we’re putting too much pressure on it. I want to forgive you, and I will…I mean, I do. But I’m not sure I’m ready to come back yet. Maybe we need a little time for some perspective. I don’t want to feel like my entire world is crashing around me again. I can’t.”

He steps back and closes his eyes. When they open, they’re closed off.

“So, you weren’t ready for us to confess that we were falling in love?” he asks, but it sounds more like a statement.

“Maybe neither of us were. But it doesn’t make the way we feel about each other any less true,” I rush out.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, Scarlett.”

It’s my turn to take his face in my hands. “I’m saying I meant it when I said I’m in love with you. But I’m scared to rush this thing between us just because the baby is coming. I want to make sure we get this right for the baby…but for us too. I don’t want you with me because you feel like you have to be. This hiccup brought that need to the surface.”

“And you don’t want to come home with me because, what? Now you don’t trust me?” he asks.

“I need to process, and I need to be able to trust myself. If I come home with you right now, I can’t do that. But I want to come back if you can just give me a little time…a few days,” I say, hoping he understands. Hoping his declaration of love was as true as I know mine was.

He doesn’t say anything, so I do the only thing that feels right. I pull his face toward mine and kiss his lips. He’s almost stiff at first, but he finally melts into the kiss. The connection and love I feel for this man is so deep it’s terrifying.

This whole thing with his ex-fiancée popping up showed me how much control he has over me and how quickly he could destroy me. It’s the very reason I’m pulling back to gain perspective whether my heart wants me to or not.

He breaks the kiss first. “I’ll give you some time. But I think once you know…you know.”

“And you think you know, huh?” I ask, almost teasing to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I do.” He kisses me again and starts to let me go, but I pull him back in for another kiss.

“Will you stayherewith me tonight?” I probably shouldn’t ask him to, because that’s confusing for me to want space but want him to stay too. But I can’t let him walk away tonight like this.

“Are you sure that’s what you want since you want some space?” he asks with a lift of his brow.

“I’ll think more clearly if I’m not sexually frustrated,” I admit with a smile on my face.

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