Page 36 of Trash the Dress

I see her frame in the darkness, and I’m about to close the door when I hear her sniffle. I open the door wider and knock gently. “Hey, Scarlett. I’m back and wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything.”

“No, I’m fine,” she says so quietly I almost miss it.

I walk further into the room, but her voice stops me in my tracks. “Please go,” she says and now I know she’s crying.

“Scarlett…”

“Zander, please. Today’s been rough for me. I just want to be alone,” she says.

“Scarlett, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay in here with you, or you can come and stay with me in my room. Either way, you’re not alone tonight,” I say matter-of-factly.

She turns to face me. “Why are you being so stubborn? Today has been vastly overwhelming and I just need to try and process. Right now, the process is tears. You didn’t sign up for this part.”

“You can process beside me, then. And yes, I signed up to support you no matter what. If you’re upset, considermeupset. We can process together. I won’t bother you or try to get you to talk if you don’t want to. But please don’t shut me out in my own house. I just want to be there for you,” I tell her honestly.

“Please don’t do this, Zander,” she pleads.

I raise my hands in surrender. “I’m getting ready for bed. If you want company, even silent company, come on in my room.”

I leave her door ajar hoping she’ll take me up on my offer for company. A few minutes after I settle, she comes into my room and stands at the foot of my bed. The dim lamp beside my bed casts her in a soft light. She’s wearing a gauzy white nightgown that leaves little to the imagination.

I can see how red her eyes are and the tip of her nose. “I don’t know how to let you,” she says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I don’t know how to let you be there for me when I know this isn’t real. We’re about to be glorified roommates from time to time who happen to have a child together. You couldn’t even tell me if we’d be friends once the baby is born. You won’t need me close anymore as long as you get your time with the baby,” she says, all the while silent tears steam down her face.

I get up and make quick work of walking to where she stands and take her face in my hands. “I’ll always need you, sunshine.This is very real. I didn’t say we’d be friends because I don’t know how to be friends with the woman who is giving me the world without demanding anything in return. Your warm light has been thawing my frostbitten heart. It’s trying to claw back to the surface from the cold, dark depths it’s been hiding in. But the thing about warming frostbite is you can’t warm it too fast or you risk irreparable damage and losing it forever. That means I can’t promise much, at least not yet, but you’ve changed everything for me. I meant that the first time I said it and I mean it now. So, I’m begging you, please let me be there for you. I understand trust is hard for us both given our pasts, but I’m here for you, right here, right now.”

She brings her hands up to my arms and nods. I lean down and kiss her forehead. “Stay.” I’m not sure if it comes out as a plea or a statement, but I mean it either way, maybe both. I want this amazing woman beside me tonight even though the conversation we just had is dangerous. I’m not committing to anything, but I did give her hope I’d never intended to. And now I pray I can honor that hope.

She doesn’t answer, but she allows me to lead her to my bed. She stands at the edge, and I drop to my knees and kiss her stomach. When I rise back up, I help her settle in and then move back around to my side. She curls into herself facing the wall and that won’t do, so I hook my arm around her carefully and pull us together.

Her body fits mine as though it was always supposed to. She wiggles against me trying to get comfortable. After a few moments, she stills and her breathing evens out, becoming a steady rhythm.

As I hold her close, her sweet floral scent surrounds me. My hand finds her lower abdomen where our little butter bean currently resides. I shut my eyes feeling closer to complete than I think I ever have, because in this house, in this bed, and in myarms, is my whole world. But knowing that and feeling this way terrifies me.

Scarlett

My bladder is burstingat the seams when I wake up. It’s still dark and I’m in a different room. Then I remember Zander coming home to find me crying, and somehow ending up in his bed wrapped in his deliciously muscular arms.

I slide from under the arm he has draped over my hip, and he doesn’t stir. After emptying my bladder, I sneak a peek at the bed and decide to tiptoe back to the room he calls mine here in his house, but the sound of his voice stops me.

“Don’t do this. Don’t leave,” he murmurs. He turns his head, but his eyes remain closed. I realize he’s having some sort of bad dream.

I’m unsure if I should stay or go. I feel as though I’m an intruder on a very personal moment and decide to leave when he says, “Scarlett, please.”

I quietly pad over to where he lies on the bed. The covers are pushed down to his waist, and his white T-shirt has ridden up, allowing me a view of his smooth skin and happy trail leading to where his erection tents his pajama pants. The sight is confusing since he seems to be having a not-so-pleasant dream.

I tear my gaze away, even as my core tightens, and move it up to his face. These dang hormones. This is no time to be aroused, but apparently, dreamland distress or not, he is too.

“Scarlett,” he says one more time. It’s still barely a murmur, right above a whisper. I touch his face, and his dark eyes fly open and then he grabs my wrist.

“You were having a bad dream,” I tell him. “I’ll go back to my room now. Thanks for earlier,” I add.

“Please stay, Scarlett,” he says, still holding my wrist.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

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