Page 42 of Burning for the Truth

Sterling glances at our hands. “So, are y’all giving this a real shot?”

“We are,” I answer confidently even as Dean’s smile barely reaches his eyes.

“In fact, we need to get going. It’s late and Ivie is putting Aria down for the night. I’m sure y’all could use some time alone,” I murmur, not wanting to think about my brother having sex.

He chuckles even though he has the same dark circles under his eyes as I currently do.

Dean and I wait for Ivie to come back down so we can say goodnight before leaving. He glances at me as we drive. “How about we stay at my place tonight?” he asks.

I smile at him. “It’s a good thing I came prepared.” Our physical relationship isn’t in question. Our chemistry is off the charts and our lovemaking is on fire. It’s our emotions we seem to have trouble navigating.

He has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. After he shifts, he slides his hand on my thigh and squeezes…his eyes are on the road, but his thoughts seem to be on me.

When we pull up at his house, he helps me inside and flips on the lights. We’ve been spending all this time together and he’s yet to bring me here. It feels like a turning point for us. My gaze follows all the awards and pictures he has hanging. I pause on a picture of him and Drew. Then I find one of him and Sterling with me in the middle. I smile and turn to find him.

He’s watching me intensely with a small smile on his face. I move to where he stands, leaning against his kitchen counter. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot by telling my brother we’re giving this a real shot. I know we haven’t labeled us, but I feel like we’re more than friends with benefits.” I reach up and kiss his lips.

He wraps his arms around me. “You didn’t put me on the spot. I told you how I feel about you.” His eyes stare through me, reaching parts of my soul I’ve tried to keep hidden. I’ve still been so scared to say it back, to tell him I love him. I do…I always have. But for me, it hasn’t felt like the right time to say the words I feel so deeply about him.

My gaze drops to his chest. “I know.”

He tips my chin up with his fingers gently. “You don’t have to say it back, sweetheart. I love you regardless of whether you can say it or not. And even if you don’t return my feelings, having you with me like this is a dream.” He smiles again but it’s so haunted. I do the only thing I can to show him how I feel since I can’t say it…I give my body to him.

I undress in front of him as he watches with heat in his stare. My skin is flushed as if I’m on fire. I need him now. He makes a noise which vibrates from his chest, almost like a growl, and he carries me like a bride to his bedroom. He quickly removes his clothes too, all the while holding my stare. He starts to lay me down and climb on top of me, but I push on his chest.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “You want to stop, baby? We don’t have to do this.”

I shift and push him back on his bed to a sitting position and stand in front of him. “I don’t want to stop. Not ever.” He caresses my back gently while he stares into my eyes. I can see the love in his gaze. It’s an emotion that’s always been there beneath the surface, but one he’s masked…until now. I ignore my heart’s pleas to tell him how I feel as I push him back and climb on top of him.

His stare is fixed on my eyes as I slide down his length. His pupils dilate, and as I start to move, he pulls me down to kiss my lips. His tongue caresses mine, making me melt a little more. I never knew I could feel the things I feel with Dean. His hands touch me in all the places I need him to.

It’s as if he’s taken all my pain from me, I only pray he didn’t absorb it into himself in the process. I want to be the one to make his pain vanish too…if only he’d let me. It’s in times like now, when we’re making love, he seems to lower his walls.

He’s made me feel more alive than I have in such a long time. He’s made me believe happiness is within reach with him after years of wishing he’d love me. He says he does, and I believe him…but what does it truly mean for us?

I increase the pace and ride him as I chase my release and so does he. Once I finally get there, he falls over the edge with me, the veins in his neck bulging as he reaches for me to kiss my lips again. He curls his fingers around my neck and touches my forehead with his. “I love you, Briella.”

As we lie together catching our breath, his cell rings and he groans before reading the display. “It’s my mom, I should take this.” He kisses me again and answers his phone while grabbing some athletic shorts from a dresser and pulling them on as he walks out of his bedroom.

I smile when I hear him answer his phone. I sit up and glance around his room. I shouldn’t be snooping, but I do it anyway. His voice is muffled as he talks to his mom, Mallory. I wrap the sheet around me and continue to take in his room, hoping it will show me some of what he keeps hidden from me...and the rest of the world.

I finally give up and go into his closet searching for a shirt to put on, smiling as I take in how neat he is. I breathe in his smell; it’s all around me. As I’m looking through his shirts, his duffle bag catches my eye. It’s the one he brings to my apartment. It’s unzipped and I see a letter with my name on it inside, only it’s not Dean’s handwriting…it’s Drew’s.My heart squeezes.

I bend down and pick it up with trembling fingers. Beside it is a black velvety box…a ring box. I can still hear Dean on the phone with his mom, so I open the envelope before I lose my nerve.

It’s a letter to me. I don’t know if I hold my breath on purpose or if I simply stop breathing when I see Drew’s handwriting. My eyes sting with unshed tears.

My dearest Briella,

This is something I never thought I’d do, but it’s something I felt compelled to do once I realized how deep I’m in love with you. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed no matter what, but in our lines of work, the risk is higher. That doesn’t matter to me, just like I know it doesn’t matter to you. When you have the heart of a first responder like we do, even though you’re blue and I’m red and red is better…hahaha…it’s part of who we are. It’s in our blood, I guess. Anyway, if you’re reading this letter, something went wrong. This is my way of saying the things I hope I never forget to say in the first place, but I want you to know with infinite certainty. I love you. You’re it for me. I plan to marry you one day. I’m already proud to call you my girlfriend, but I hope I can one day call you my wife. And yes, I have a ring. I don’t have it planned out, and I haven’t asked for your dad’s blessing yet. But if something were to happen to me, I want you to have the ring. It’s yours even though you don’t know it. And if something were to happen that takes me away from you…please don’t stop living. You deserve love and happiness. You’re the best person I know. I’ll always be with you no matter what, because you have my heart. I hope you never have to read this letter, but if you do, promise me you’ll love again. Your instinct will be to stay loyal to me no matter what, and I get it, it’s who you are, but I’m telling you the way to be loyal to me and all I believe in, is to keep on living. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re stronger than anyone I know, and you can do anything. So let that anything be to find the happiness and love that saves you on your worst day and makes you shine like the diamond you are on your best day. Don’t let the fear of losing keep you from giving your all. I love you so much and I’m so glad you picked me.

All my love forever,

Drew

P.S. Please take care of Dean for me and let him be there for you. I know how stubborn you both are, but he’s the next best person I know besides you.

My heart, the one I was beginning to piece back together, shatters all over again into fragments I don’t know if I’ll ever find again. How could Dean keep this from me? I open the box and see a gorgeous ring nestled inside. Tears fall as I sit back against the wall. I don’t know if they’re from sadness at the hole in my heart I thought was healing, or from anger toward the man I thought I trusted…thought I loved. The one I’ve been ready to risk everything for.

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