Page 48 of Fatal Attraction

When I didn’t move and he could see I was really starting to get good and pissed the fuck off, he paused and bellowed out an annoyed sigh. “I’m sorry for calling you a whore. I’ll update you as more tickets are sold.”

There were so many things I wanted to say, starting off with his ridiculous wardrobe, but I bit my tongue after reminding myself to focus on what was more important. Catching our perp.

With an indignant scoff, I spun on my heel and then made way for the bar, ordering my usual.

Twenty

Phoenix

My stomach churned as Spike drove us to the sanctum. Leo’s screams played a gruesome performance in my head, bellowing through my ears like we’d never left the shed, like I was still standing in front of him, hammering nails through his hands and breaking each and every finger until they were hanging sideways.

I felt sick, so sick that I had to demand Spike pull over so I could open the door and spew my guts all over the side of the road.

“Jesus, fuck.” He unclipped his seatbelt and sat up on his knees in the seat, bending toward me and patting my back as I puked again, hating myself more and more.

Welcome home, brother.

The Rolling Rebels was not my fucking home, and Crow was not my goddamn brother.

“You good, man?”

“No,” I answered, leaning up as I spat the last of the yuck off my lips. “Do you still keep mouthwash in here?”

Spike nodded and sat back in his seat, pointing to the glove compartment. I opened it and found the bottle as promised, swishing the shit around in my mouth and gargling until my tonsils felt like they were on fire.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked after I spit the mouthwash on the pavement and shut the door.

“What do youthink?”

He sighed, then checked the mirrors before pulling back out on the road. “Phoenix, I’m—”

“I need to be punished,” I whispered, my eyes heavy with unshed tears. “I need to be punished for what I did tonight.”

“Phoenix—”

“The wheel,” I murmured, knowing exactly what had to be done to make amends for what I did to Leo. “Put me on the wheel tonight.”

“No.” Spike’s voice was twisted with rage. “Fuck no.”

I was a fucking monster. It had been over twenty years since I had to do that to someone, break their bones and listen to them cry out in agony while I tortured them. Back then I was just a kid, and, at the time, I thought nothing about the repercussions from my actions because I was in love with Kendall and wanted to impress Crow and their father. I was blind as a teenager, but I wasn’t a teen anymore. I was pushing right at thirty-seven years old, and I fucking knew better.

I fucking knew better!

“We have to deliver one hell of a show tonight,” I told him, my voice cracking. “I’m hereby relinquishing myself to you and Charlotte. To fuck and use as you both please, no matter the damage. Just promise me you’ll make it hurt.”

“We’re not putting you on the goddamn wheel,” he tightly hissed, eyes flashing. “Punishing yourself isn’t going to fix anything.”

I swallowed; my mouth so dry it felt like I’d just eaten a bucket of sand. “Leo was five when I left for college. Fuckingfive. I used to buy him candy and soda and give him piggy-back rides.”

My chest tugged as the memories came flooding back, the pain sharp and biting.

“Listen to me.” Spike shot me a distasteful glare, his jaw clenched so tight I was surprised his teeth hadn’t crumbled to dust. “I understand you’re upset, but you need to get it the fuck together. We knew what we weregetting ourselves into and like it or not, what’s done is done. We won’t catch this bastard if your head’s not in the game.”

Spike was right. Kicking my own ass over the past would only make shit harder on all of us. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I had to remind myself that Leo wasn’t that same little boy I once knew, and the path he’d taken in life was not my fault. He knew what he’d signed up for, as did I. Leo made his bed and now, he had to lay in it.

But it still didn’t make the grief over what I did to him hurt any less.

“I’ll be fine, Spike.” I blew out a sharp breath and leaned back in my seat, ridding the moisture from my eyelids.

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