Page 22 of Something Borrowed

He was torn between a massive sense of cockiness, and guilt that she was slowly putting her life on hold for him. Spouses often did that, but he didn’t want that for them. They were two different people and successful couples kept living life when the other deployed.

“As much as that makes me want to swell with pride, don’t wait around. I want us to be who we were before, just with the added benefit of being together.”

“That was a bit hard to follow, but I understand.”

“There’s something I’d like to talk about if that’s all right.”

Her grin seemed to beam through the screen at him, making him feel as if he were next to her, not thousands of milesaway.

“I’m fairly certain that’s what these things are for,” her voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Unless there’s something else these Skype dates are usedfor.”

His boisterous laugh was likely heard through the door. “Well, I know a lot of people do use it for that, but if we started that I’d likely walk around in a heightened state of desire until I saw you again.”

“Well, then, I suppose we’ll have to save that for another time. What did you want to talk about? Is something wrong, something you couldn’t say in an email?” Her voice held the faintest hint of concern.

“Nothing like that. Just something about me that I thought you should know.” He sucked in a deep breath, feeling the weight of panic settle around him like a blanket. “I have flashbacks, to moments when I’ve lost people in combat.”

“Like PTSD?” She asked without skipping abeat.

“Sort of. I’ve been to therapists outside of the general debriefing ones, and they won’t call it PTSD. I don’t wake up screaming from nightmares, and I don’t mistake fireworks for gunfire.”

“Then what do you do?” Her question held the faintest tone of a reporter sniffing around her subject.

“When I am in combat, my mind sometimes shuts down in the present. When we were attacked recently, I couldn’t see or hear the fight around me. I was suddenly on a different mission where a member of my team died in my arms. I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else so long as I’m not in gunfire – and even then, it doesn’t happen every time, and it’s been so few times doctors aren’t any help. I was cleared for this because nothing was anticipated to go wrong.” It didn’t feel like confessing lightened his load at all. In fact, he was holding his breath, waiting for her to say she didn’t want him if he was mentally damaged.

“How do you feel about it?” Her question was soft, barely audible.

“Like less of man on some days, but most of the time I know it’s normal for all of us. Ask any vet of a war, and they have the same issue. It sucks, but it’s normal, and I’ve had to remind myself of that for years to make it sinkin.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Her smile was small but held no sign of disinterest. “I suppose it’s only fair to tell you that I walk around terrified in areas of the city I used to love. Being a public figure makes me recognizable, and that makes me a target. When I walk around The Pointe at night, I no longer go alone and I always have a gun.” The words came out in a rush, and her shoulders sagged in what could have only been relief when she finished.

His fists clenched at his sides at the idea that she lived her life in any state of fear. No one deserved that, and he’d make damn sure she never walked alone again, in New Orleans or anywhere else. “You’ve never told anyone that before, haveyou?”

“I’ve never wanted too.” Despite the graininess of the image, he could see her interest in him clear as day. It was as real for her as it was for him, regardless of how quickly it had started and how far away theywere.

“I can’t believe I waited so damn long to make a move with you,” he said, shaking his head. “We could have been together all thistime.”

She barked out a laugh and clucked her tongue at him. “Don’t think I would have just fallen all over you at any point in time. Maybe I was waiting for this you, the adult who’d seen far more in life than someone his age should have. Perhaps a younger version of ourselves would have slept together and parted ways, unknowing what this couldbe.”

“I didn’t take you for a philosopher, Adrianna Laurant.”

Playfully, she winked at him and just like that, the serious air around them vanished, the blanket of panic sliding to the floor as if he’d shrugged itoff.

“There’s a lot you’ll still learn, but I think the most important is that there’s a very strong probability that I’m going to fall in love with you, no matter how dangerous or foolish that mightbe.”

He stared at her, not only stunned by her confession, but of how it made him feel. He had never been serious with a woman, never said ‘I love you’ or even given them a key. When she said she could love him, all he wanted to do was scoop her up in his arms and tell her he wanted thattoo.

“Jaxon?” She leaned forward, tapping her computer screen as if she thought the connection had been dropped.

“I’m here. Just thinking about how perfect that declaration sounded.” He grinned, feeling every bit like a teen. “I could fall in love with you too, Adrianna. In fact, I plan on it if you’ll haveme.”

“I think there is still some silly left in you from being a teen. You don’t ask someone if you can fall in love with them. You just doit.”

Chuckling, he spied the time on the bottom of the screen and knew it was time to end the call. “Well, in that case, hold onto your seat, it’s going to be a very bumpy ride.” Without thinking, he placed his hand on the computer screen.

She followed, placing her palm against it as well. It was an excellent, if not ridiculous, sentiment.

“I have to go now, someone else’s turn to see the one they care about.” Slowly, he pulled his hand down the screen. “Have a good day, Adrianna, and don’t be afraid to walk alone any longer.”

She looked down, a flush creeping up her neck. “Have good dreams, Jaxon.” With a small wave, the video went black, leaving him staring at just the Skype message center.

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