Page 45 of Bathed in Blood

I shut my eyes, pleading for that train of thought to pass. I immediately regretted asking Christian to tell me everything when we got back; I wasn’t ready. God, I would never beready. Still, I didn’t stop him. I watched him pass through every emotion I should’ve: rage, grief, sadness even towards the end, and none if it could break past the panic or the whooshing in my ears.

I couldn’t even manage to be angry, although Dr. Lamaison assured me it would come, that I would break past this moment. I hadn’t said a word while he patched me up again. Good to know my current miserable existence is that obvious. My silence was at least half worry that Christian would hurt him if I spoke, but he seems…more relaxed, like our marriage, however unconventional, had calmed him a bit. My acceptance of it had given him an answer he needed. My knight in shining armor, for all his insanity, had needed to know I wanted him too. He wanted me to choosehim.

Christian grips my chin, gently angling my head towards him. “I will be back soon.” I watch his jaw clench and unclench before he releases me, reaching into his pocket, pulling out his phone. My eyes widen as he presses it into my hands. “This is for you; my number is already programmed into it, as is the number for my second in command. If, for any reason, you don’t get me, call him. Kallen is a little banged up right now, so he’s been taking a few days off, but he’s a good guy and he’s close. He wouldn’t hurt you—unless I told him to.”

I roll my eyes at that, and the smile he gives me almost forces one to my face.

When his lips find mine, the weight of the phone lessens, the wound in my chest muted for a moment. Christian takes a step closer, his knee finding its way between my legs as he leans into me, deepening the kiss. Our only barrier is my pajama pants and tank top, and even that feels too thick. He tastes like mint, bourbon, andme, a heady flavor that makes my head spin. It lasts all of ten seconds before he walks out the door, leaving it open, an invitation. Two men flank the opening just after hepasses the threshold, both careful not to look inside. I can see guns on their sides as I walk up to close the door, my breath leaving me in unsteady pants by the time I reach the window.

I lasted an hour and a half before the gray walls felt like they were closing in on me, the cellphone gripped tightly in my hand. I’m not sure if he realizes the choice he gave me. One call, and it ends. Sure, I’ll spend the rest of my life in prison, but… maybe I can do the right thing, give some peace to those left from the lives I took.

My body shakes so hard, my teeth chatter as I unlock the screen, going for the Dialpad. The moment the wallpaper pops up, my brain shuts down, the shaking halted by a moment of shock.

Christian’s face stares back at me, the corners of his green eyes tilted up, reflecting his smile. I’m laying behind him on the bed, flipping through one of his books, oblivious to him, to the world. It all seems so… normal, like we’re just a husband and wife, like I wasn’t reeling after four years of torment, like I wasn’t a serial killer.

Like my little brother, the reason for all of it, isn’t on his deathbed.

Like he and Mom hadn’t washed their hands of me.

I yelp as the phone dings, a text message coming through, sending the phone crashing to the ground. My head goes light as I nearly dive off the ottoman, snatching it off the floor, a flurry of aches ricocheting throughout my body.

The Knight is what he saved his number as.

My heart thrums heavily in my chest.

The Knight:If you make that call, princess, it changes nothing. You’ll be mine, no matter where you are, and I will hold no guilt over the lives I take to get you back.

My breath leaves me in a rush, my head snapping up, as if I’ll be able to find whatever camera he has hidden in here. I shouldn’t be surprised—of course he’s watching me. If I were him, I would too. I just…is it only him?

I tug the phone to my chest, trying to steady my breathing, when it dings again.

The Knight:I would sooner cut off my own cock than share the sight of you, in case you were wondering.

My lips tug up, just a little.

Me:Are you safe?

The Knight:I’ll be home by morning. Sweet dreams, princess.

Me:Am I allowed to leave the room?

The Knight:It’s your home. Anything in my wing is open to you. The west wing is my father’s. North belongs to Jesse, and South is staff. Don’t make me kill my brother or the staff. The men at your doors will show you anywhere you want to go. Anything on the sublevel is off limits without me for now.

I lock the phone, placing it face down in my lap, my eyes trained on the door. I had free rein in the Sullivan mansion too, so long as Jax never caught me out alone, but closing myself off in my room gave me a sense of peace. I wouldn’t have made it had I known…

I’m up from the seat, jerking things down from the closest, my eyes burning. I’m out the door before I can think better of it, before I can rationalize the stupidity of my actions. The guards at the door don’t react as I burst through it like a crazy person. When I turn, fists balled, ready for the consequences of my actions, they give me a small nod before refocusing forward.

This isn’t the Sullivans.

I’m not there.

They are dead. Dead.

I replay their deaths in mind, like I have thousands of times since that day, over and over, letting them soothe the worst of my frazzled nerves.

The gurgling sound Anton made as the tool embedded in his throat, whirling and shredding, a far cry from the way he’d drunkenly laugh as he choked me.

Vince’s shocked, pained face as I tossed the acid at him. The way he yelled was nothing like his cool, calm demeanor, one that made him so easy to trust in those first few days…until he showed me his… age preferences, his collections that made me vomit.

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