Page 55 of For the Love of Layla

Chapter fourteen

I’m Not Okay

Myheartdrumsinmy chest as I slam my car into park in the front of the police station, not bothering to park it properly. My knuckles are white with how hard I’m gripping the steering wheel, screaming from the damage I did to them yesterday.

I can’t, I can’t fucking breathe.

They have to believe me, they have to make this fucking stop. It doesn’t matter how good he makes me feel or how fucking confused I am. This person, this man, has ruined me.

Ruined my fucking life!

I sob uncontrollably like a dam has burst open, destroying and wreaking havoc on everything that stood behind it.

They have to believe me.

I step out of my car, leaving it running as I trudge towards the metal double doors, my legs still shaking from running so hard. My head pounding in tune with my pulse. It doesn’t matter if he has made me feel good, he wouldn’t have stopped if it hadn’t. I’m fucked. So fucked. It’s cold and I’m shaking, but the weather has nothing to do with it. Every violation, tear and scream is seeping from my skin. Oozing out of me like a fucking disease.

Believe me. Please.

I squint as I throw open the doors to the bright, empty lobby. A sharp stabbing pain smacking me in the back of the head. “Officer Daniels!” I scream everything that’s tormented me since that very first fucking night…the very first time I heard his fucking voice barrels from my soul as I scream again, “Officer Daniels!” I don’t flinch, I barely skip a beat as officers, some in plain clothes others in uniform, flood into the small lobby. None of them are the one I want to see. “Ma’am, please relax. Are you hurt?” A young blonde haired cop steps forward, making me jerk back.

“Look at me! Fucking look at me!” I know I need to calm down. I can’t act this way in here, but I can’t stop. Everything is too much. The lights, too many people, too many feelings, too much pain.

I can’t fucking stop. Oh God, my chest hurts.

“Take a deep breath, okay?” He says, his hand going to his utility belt.

Fucking shoot me. It would be an act of mercy.

“Officer Daniels!” I scream like that until my throat bleeds. Until that stupid fuck’s face rounds the corner slowly, making all the other stupid faces in the room disappear.

“Miss. Burke…” He has the audacity to look fucking shocked. I imagine my disheveled state might be shocking. I’m covered in mud, blood soaking my hair, with no pants. My legs and arms cut up from where he shoved me into the dirt. I can tell my period is leaking through my underwear from the tampon I need to change. I can’t find it in me to be humiliated anymore. Actually, I’m glad. My outsides finally match me on the inside.

“Look at me! Will you fucking listen now?!”

“I can’t help you while you’re screaming, Miss. Burke.” He warns, taking a hesitant step forward.

“You can’t help me period, you piece of shit!” I spit out, lacing my voice with venom as I stalk towards him, my stomach aching. I couldn’t hurthim,so I settle for the man in front of me. Every bit as guilty as my tormentor.

I can’t… I need to leave. I should go.

I don’t. I walk until I’m face to face with him, forcing him tolookat me. “How many more times will he have to attack me before you listen?”

He runs his hand through his hair, looking exhausted, “Look, come have a seat and we can take anoth-”

The slap rings clear through the silent room as my hand connects with his prickling face. The only thing I hear next is the scuffle of boots before I hit the ground hard. Smashed beneath them, my heart stops in my chest. Their hands on me are too much, too heavy. Panic whips through me and I struggle against them, there’s too many. The screams that rip from my bleeding throat sound so far from human I’m nearly shocked into silence. Their hands… I can’t stand their hands on my skin.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate you. I hate him.

I hate him.

I hate myself. I hate all of you.

“Please, you can’t, you can’t touch me!”

They filter off me, backing away one by one. Several knees and elbows digging into my back, neck and legs. I wonder if my ribs will snap? Pain flares through my shoulder as I’m jerked up by Officer Daniels. He didn’t wait until they moved so I remain on the floor despite his tugging and the loud pop fills the room. His bright red cheek a minor consolation for the storm raging on the inside of me as he jerks again, this time harder, the other officers already rising to stand around me. I whimper as I look down at my left arm hanging awkwardly at my side, it looks… disgusting. The bone in my shoulder is raised, straining against my skin. I don’t have time to turn my head before I get sick, my vomit splattering onto his shiny black boots, another minor consolation. He doesn’t look away from me as his lips curl up in disgust. The way he just stares at me makes another wave of bile creep up my throat. I barely notice the cool clink of the handcuffs sliding too tightly around my wrists as sobs continue, my body shaking violently. He jerks me by the cuffs and I scream, the pain in my shoulder filling everything else as my legs give out. He doesn’t stop my fall, only holding onto me by the cuffs. My arms wrenched hard behind my back and I scream so loud there’s no substance to it, my voice breaking into silence as my cheek collides with the soiled floor.

I’m scared… I want to go home. To go to Liam, Ava, grandpa. I shouldn’t have come here.

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