And me? I just stood there, hoping it would be over soon.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you your whole life. You needed someone stable. Not your grandparents, and, God bless her soul, not my sister.” Aunt Maggie was sluggish in releasing me, and this time when she smiled at me, she seemed more contrite than anything else. “But, against all odds, you turned out just fine. That’s all us parents can ask for.”
She let me go after that, and I went upstairs to my room, her words echoing in my head.
I turned out just fine. Did I? Did I really? There were plenty of people who’d gladly say the opposite, including my mother and my grandmother, along with everyone back home. When prompted, no one would raise their hand and say I was just fine, a normal teenage girl, that there was nothing to worry about when it came to me.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew I wasn’t normal, but that was fine.
I didn’t want to be normal. I didn’t want to be boring. I was who I was, and there was no changing it. I’d been born with the rot, and as I’d grown up, it had taken root in every crevice inside me, every nook and cranny, lodging itself and intertwining itself in my soul until we were one.
If I let my real self out, my aunt would be aghast. Mortified. Ashamed.Frightened. She’d see that I was the furthest thing from normal, that I hadn’t turned outjust fine. If she could peer into my head and hear my thoughts, she’d know I brought nothing to the table except a sick, twisted kind of curiosity and a darkness that swallowed anything that got close to it.
Still, as I lay in bed that night, I caught myself wondering what I’d be like, if the rot would still be so fierce and strong inside of me, if Aunt Maggie was my mother.
Chapter Eleven
Elias didn’t so much as speak a word to me during the drive to school. He didn’t look at me. He was back to pretending I didn’t exist. Not going to lie, it kind of bugged me, but after learning more facts about the hunting accident, I let it slide.
There was more to Elias than met the eye. Someday I’d get him to open up, force him to show me the truth about his demons.
Jordan was waiting for me at my locker, and I made sure to give him a big smile as I walked up to him, well aware that Elias saw as he walked past in the hall, heading to his own locker farther down.
“Hey,” Jordan spoke, holding onto a coffee. “Monday mornings suck.”
“They’re just like every other morning,” I said, opening my locker and stuffing my bag inside.
“They are not. They’re the worst. It’s the beginning of a whole new week, and it means more homework and more tests and… ugh, I can’t wait for college.” He took a sip from his metal to-go mug.
“Doesn’t college involve more homework and tests?” I asked, shooting him a quick look before getting out everything I’d need for the first two periods of the day. No tablets or laptops here. You had to take notes the old-fashioned way. My poor little finger was getting a bumpy callous on it from all the writing.
Jordan let out a sigh that was pretty close to a whine. “Shit. You’re right.”
I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Thankfully, someone else walked by and slapped Jordan on the shoulder—another jock, from the look of him. They started talking about something else, which allowed me the opportunity to slip away. I walked with a purpose, so as to avoid having Jordan walk me to first period.
I did pass Elias, and he was talking to another kid in a baggy black hoodie. The other kid didn’t look like the kind of person you’d talk to unless you needed something very particular, like drugs, but I guess that was prejudiced of me. Just because he looked like a drug dealer didn’t mean he was a drug dealer.
Turning down a hall, I walked right into a girl. We both lost our grip on our books, and they scattered to the floor. A shrill, “Watch where you’re going, freak” left the girl I’d bumped into almost immediately.
I picked up my books, watching her do the same. A pretty, made-up blond with expertly layered makeup. Dana.
She then realized it was me, and she smiled. “Oh, it’s you. I’ve been wanting to talk to you, actually.” With her books in one arm on her hip, she hooked her other arm through mine, dragging me down the hall, not caring if it was where I was going. “You’re still living with Elias, right?”
All I could do was nod.
“Has he seemed different lately? Off? He’s been pretty distant—more than usual, I mean.” Dana paused, and then she stopped walking, which also stopped me from walking, since our arms were still linked. “Actually, he’s seemed different ever since you transferred here.” She pulled her arm from mine, her head cocked as she studied me, as if she could read my mind and discover the truth.
“I don’t know anything about that,” I said.
“Really? I find that hard to believe. I know you went out with my brother this weekend, and he told me you asked a lot of questions about Elias. How does your family know the Whitenbakers? Are you related?”
I had to tread carefully where Dana was concerned. She knew about the Bedlam Butcher and how he was my father. She’d done some internet snooping and put two and two together, so it wouldn’t take much more snooping to discover that Maggie Whitenbaker used to be Maggie Karnagy, older sister to Penelope Karnagy, AKA my mother.
Not that I cared about anyone knowing the truth. It was just easier to pretend to be innocent when your opponent didn’t know certain things.
“Jordan told you all about our date?” I wouldn’t say I asked alotof questions about Elias, but he had come up in conversation.
“He’s my brother. He’s an open book when it comes to me.” Her full lips curled into a smug smile as she went on, “He said he told you that we know who your father is. Karnagy. A pretty impressive last name. I couldn’t help but fall down the rabbit hole. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about it, but you should know that I don’t like losing. I get a little cranky. You can have my brother, but you can’t have Elias.”