Page 28 of Rot

“It was all right,” I answered. I would never heap on the praises to a place like this. It served its purpose, but I wouldn’t call it a fun time. Maybe, though, the only reason I wouldn’t call it that was because of who I was here with.

What was Elias doing right now? I wondered. Had he gone out to meet Dana somewhere after I’d left? Would I even know about it? He probably wouldn’t tell me. I could ask Jordan, but he might start to think I was focusing on Elias too much… because I was.

“Just all right?” Jordan let out a dramatic sigh as he stood, offering me his hand, which I took. As he led me out of the row and to the steps, he added, “Well, I guess we’re just going to have to come back to convert you.”

Back home, no one went to the movies. A lot of other people had rooms similar to the one my grandparents had. It must be a small-town thing, being obsessed with seeing whatever movie on the big screen since their televisions at home could never match the size.

The popcorn, though—oh, the popcorn was fucking delicious.

I didn’t really say much as we returned to the car in the now almost-empty parking lot. It was late; night had fallen over the world, blanketing it in darkness. Above our heads, past the dim parking lot lighting, you could see the twinkle of the stars in the sky.

Once we were in the car, Jordan started her up and threw a look at me. “I guess I’ll take you home?” He sounded hesitant, as if he didn’t want the date to end quite yet.

I, on the other hand, wanted to go home. This date had lasted long enough. I didn’t know if this was a typical date or if Jordan had been trying hard to woo me or something, but I’d exhausted my social battery for the day and was ready to go home.

Go home and see Elias, hopefully.

So I said, “Yeah. I’m pretty tired.”

He gave me a silly salute and started driving. A minute went by before he said, “I hope you had fun. I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but… it’s kind of hard to tell with you.”

I forced out a smile. “I had fun.” I didn’t sound very convincing, but Jordan didn’t need much to be convinced, because the next thing I knew, he was grinning ear to ear like I’d said exactly what he needed to hear.

We talked a little on the ride back. And by we, I mostly meant Jordan. The boy was chatty. Asking questions about how long I’d be staying with the Whitenbakers, if my mom was trying to find a place of our own, if I’d stick around long enough to graduate with them. I had answers for none of those questions. He also told me he’d help me apply to some colleges, if I wanted, because we were months out from graduation, so we had to have a plan for the future.

Silly boy. The rot didn’t let you plan out your life with meticulous detail. It made you live in the now, in the current moment, and it made you do things that would jeopardize any hope of a future.

What would Jordan say if I told him about the rot in me? What would he say if I told him my sins and that I didn’t care about any sort of forgiveness? A normal person would never truly comprehend the things I felt inside. I’d learned that lesson from a young age.

We made it back to the house, and we sat in his car for a few moments as it idled. No lights were on in the house, so I couldn’t see if anyone was watching through the windows. Not my mother, not Elias.

Hmm.

“Well,” Jordan started, turning toward me as he undid his seatbelt, “let me walk you to the front door.”

I didn’t want him to, but as I got out of the car, he followed. I walked around the front of his Jeep, slowing as I glanced at the upstairs windows, wondering if one of the shadows I saw was Elias, or if they simply belonged to the night itself.

I stopped, standing a foot or so away from Jordan, halfway up the walkway to the front door. It was a spot you could see from upstairs, if you were gazing out. If we walked all the way to the front door, we couldn’t be seen from any window, and that just wouldn’t do. I had to take the initiative here.

Spinning around to face Jordan with a smile plastered on my face, I told him, “I can take it from here.” I took a tiny step toward him, closing the distance between us. “Thank you for a fun night.” He wasn’t as tall as Elias, but I still angled my head up at him, still smiling, hoping my expression told him I wanted him to kiss me.

“Maybe we could do it again,” he whispered, thankfully taking the hint. He lifted a hand, swiped some of my yellow hair away from my cheek, and leaned in. His mouth found mine, and he kissed me.

My first kiss.

It was… well, not as earth-shattering as others made it out to be. There was nothing remarkable about it at all, other than the fact that it was unsanitary. Jordan had closed his eyes, but I kept mine open, wondering when it was going to end.

Yeah, I wasn’t feeling it, but with my back to the house, no one watching would know that.

I pretended like I was opening my eyes the moment Jordan pulled away, a silly grin on his face, as if he thought that was a good kiss or something. “I’ll text you,” he told me, and then he let me go, stepping back to his car, still wearing that stupid smile.

Was that really the best boys had to offer? Boring kisses and tame hand-holding? I didn’t know what I expected, but it sure wasn’t that.

I stood there, waved at him once, and then turned around and began to walk to the door—mostly because I couldn’t fake a smile any longer. The moment I gave Jordan my back and hurried to the house, the smile fell off my face. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.

The only thing of note I’d discovered tonight was the fact that Jordan and Dana were twins. Everything else had been a wash. A boring, pointless waste of my time.

A sigh left me as I walked into the house, greeted by darkness. If I had to guess, my mother was downstairs, asleep, while my aunt was still at work. Elias was either upstairs or gone; no one kept tabs on him.

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