Page 66 of No Ordinary Love

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Covington," she quipped, though the edge in her voice had softened. "We've been down this road before, remember?"

"I do." I looked into her beautiful blue-gray eyes, which captivated me today as they had the first time. "I also remember how good we were together before I messed it all up."

She didn't respond right away. Instead, she took a slow sip of her coffee, her gaze drifting to the street outside the window. "We were living in a fool's paradise, ignoring our problems and pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn't."

"You really believe that?" Her words had shattered me. I picked up the coffee cup, giving my shaking hands something to do.

She turned to face me, and I saw a sheen of tears. "We were damn good together when it was just us," she finally admitted, her voice tinged with a wistfulness that made my heart ache. "But then the world came in and…I don't even know what happened, Lucas."

I set my coffee down. "I hurt you; that's what happened. It took me too long to understand myself; know that I love you and that I want to spend my life with you."

"And Kath?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Fucking hell, Amara! Thinking I felt the same way about her as I did when we were kids was, without a doubt, the biggest mistake I've ever made. I don't. The truth is, I was and am completely enamored with you—attached, besotted. I was stupid not to realize it sooner, but I'm not a foolish man, and I've learned from my mistakes."

"What did you learn?" She tilted her head.

"I need to separate what I want and need from what my family expects of me. When I'm pressured to do things that I don't want to do, I should walk away, not give in, just because duty and obligation were hammered into me growing up."

"I learned a few things about myself too," she whispered. "I run away instead of facing issues. I don't talk things through. Like…I should've just asked you what the hell you were talking to your mother about, instead of just moving out."

I lowered my head. "And I should've fought for you, instead of thinking, well, at least now Mama won't keep nagging me about you."

"Your Mama isn't changing," she pointed out.

I had to smile at that. "That's her business.Ihave changed. I have grown. I don't want to live a life where I'm a dutiful Covington. I want to live my life withyou. I want love and affection. I want to wake up with you smiling at me. I want to fuck you and make love to you. I want babies with you and—"

"Stop," she pleaded, now tears crowding her eyes. She closed them and took deep breaths. "I hate how emotional I get around you."

"You think it's different for me?" I grabbed her hand and forced her to look at me. "You think I'm not falling apart all the fucking time because you're not with me? You think I'm not scared every minute of every day that I won't be able to fix this…fixusand lose the love of my fucking life?"

She opened her eyes and gazed at me, pain etched on her face. "I don't know, Lucas. I feel like we're nothing but drama."

"We love each other, and that makes us vulnerable."

"So, we'll keep hurting each other?" she groaned.

"No! I've finally pulled my head out of my ass," I replied bluntly. "I'm done being the good Covington, doing what everyone expects. I want to be with you, Amara. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove that to you."

She shook her head, letting out a soft, humorless laugh. "You make it sound so simple. But it's not. You can't just decide one day that you're over Kath and expect everything to be okay between us. It doesn't work like that."

"I was over Kath years ago," I confessed. "If I loved her at all, you think I'd have not immediately been with her after we ended?"

She licked her lips. "I thought you'd slept with her that weekend…you know, your grandma's birthday."

"No. There's been no one since you. And there won't be, even if you don't take me back, not for a long time. I…," I let out a long breath, trying to get my emotions under control, "I don't think I'm going to function very well without you in my life."

"I don't know what to do," she said in frustration, pulling her hand away from me. "I just don't know. I don't function well without you, either. But I worry that we'll get back and you'll hurt me again, and the worst part will be that I won't tell you and let it fester and rot, so when I get a chance, I'll run away. Isn't that what I did? Instead of telling you that your mother and sister were obnoxious to me, and I expect you to defend me and put them in their place, I kept saying everything was fine."

"That's on me. Not you. It wasn't fine, and I was an idiot."

She smiled. "You're not an idiot," then shrugged, "maybe a little bit." She looked at me tenderly. "I don't know how to move past this. How to forgive you? And get better myself."

I grabbed both her hands. "It's going to be work, but all relationships are work, and we're worth it."

She pulled her hands away again and picked up her coffee.

"I'm not expecting you to just forgive me and forget everything. I know I have to earn that, and I'm prepared to do it. But I need you to know that I'm serious about this—about us."

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