Page 36 of No Ordinary Love

"I'm freaking lost," I finally said.

"Hmm!" She mused, her tone measured, almost casual. "I have been hearing things about you and Amara, about you and Kath."

I nodded, not surprised. Nothing stayed secret for long in this family, and Rena Covington had a way of knowing things.

"What have you heard?" I asked wearily, my voice heavy.

She chuckled softly. "Your mother tells me that you're going to propose to Kath by Thanksgiving. Hugh says the same thing. But Jax tells me that you and Amara had an interesting conversation."

"Is Jax your spy, Grandma?"

She laughed and set the papers aside on the coffee table. "You want a drink?"

I shook my head.

"Jax is one of my favorite people, you know that," Grandma said.

I nodded.

Grandma and Jax's maternal grandmother had been close friends.

"I didn't like how you treated Amara, how Patsy did, how Shelby…apparently, still does," she continued. "At the Magnolia Ball, I made sure Amara would be in attendance, and I asked Jax to take care of her. I also wanted to wake you the hell up."

"I didn't know I was asleep," I murmured.

"You have been about Kath."

"It's complicated, Grandma," I protested.

My feelings for Kath were muddled. The past feelings were honest, but they were not my present, and it was taking me some time to figure that shit out.

"Oh, Lucas. Life's always complicated, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But that's what makes it worth living."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, the frustration building up inside me. "Kath, Hugh, Mama…they've all been pushing me to commit, to make things official with Kath. But it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like it used to. And then there's Amara. I can't get her out of my head. I miss her. I think about her all the damn time."

She turned to look at me, her eyes sharp but not unkind. "Lucas, did I ever tell you about my first husband?"

I frowned. "Your only husband, you mean? Grandpa?"

She took a deep breath. "I was married once before your grandfather. It didn't last long, but it taught me some hard lessons."

I stared at her, shocked. I'd never heard anything about a first marriage, not from her or anyone else in the family. "You were married before Grandpa?"

"Close your mouth, darling, before you eat a bug or two," she teased, and then her expression became pensive. "His name was Otis, and I married him because it was expected of me. Our families were close, and everyone thought we were the perfect match. But it wasn't love, Lucas. It was convenience. And it was amistake."

She paused as if letting the memory settle before continuing. "He wasn't a bad man, but we weren't right for each other. The marriage was miserable. We hurt each other. It was an excruciating year. Finally, we divorced, and I was left with nothing but regret and the realization that I had let everyone but myself decide my future."

I didn't know what to say. This was a side of my grandmother I'd never seen, a vulnerability she'd never shown before. "I'm so sorry, Grandma."

She smiled a little sadly. "I'm not. The experience taught me an important lesson. Life is too short to live it for someone else. You have to follow your heart, even if it leads you down a path that others don't understand."

"And what if you don't know what you want?" I wondered.

"You know what you want, Lucas; you're just afraid to admit it because it goes against being a Covington. When your father married Patsy, I tried to tell him not to worry about mergers and acquisitions and to marry for love. But you know how business-minded he was. So, he married your mother, and that was another miserable marriage."

I shrugged. "At least they never fought."

"They lived separate lives," Grandma all but growled. "Calvin slept around and Patsy became one of those desperate housewives who spend their time gossiping and manipulating lives. You want to marry your mother?"

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