Page 51 of Evan

Each time he breathed, he inhaled her perfume, her essence. She was tiny but packed quite a wallop where he was concerned. He wanted to be with her so much that he could not stand it. Leaving her tonight was like leaving the heart of him behind.

He was torn and tormented. Her voice soothed him. When he held her in his arms, it was as if he was home.

He had told her that they would just talk and get to know each other. She was strong in her faith, and he was – what was he? In the past, he had been contemptuous about so-called pastors, ministers of religion. He still was, believing that they were intent on lining their pockets and taking advantage of gullible people.

But Cassandra was different. She was the real thing. There was no hidden agenda where she was concerned. She was not coy. Even though she was exquisitely beautiful, a work of art, she did not flaunt her beauty. She was genuine, she had heart, and she cares about people.

And he could offer nothing less than marriage. Would that change her? He wondered dismally. He belonged to a corrupt society where people bed hopped without a qualm. He had beenwith many women and in the past, it had not mattered to him because that was what had been expected of him.

He had followed his father and uncle’s footsteps and others in his society. He had more than a few acquaintances who had changed their ways when they met and fell in love with women who later became their wives.

He had seen to his amazement, men who thought nothing of being with several different women had turned monogamous and had been amused at the sappy looks on their faces. He never understood it until now.

Ever since he met her, he had been unable to even look at another woman. The only person he had been out with was Sherry and he had done it as a favor, nothing more.

But their lives were different, so were their views. He would not be able to live up to her high standards. He was too jaded, too cynical, and too far gone to change. And he wanted to change for her, he realized to his surprise.

He wanted to be worthy of her. But could he change his ways after living this way all his life? What if she woke up one morning and realized she had made a mistake?

That she should have married someone of her faith? And why was he assuming that she would want him for a husband anyway? She had said she loved him and had mentioned a home and kids.

He thought it was not something he wanted, but now he knew he wanted her and everything that came with it.

He was going to have to court her. A grim smile touched his lips. He had never courted a woman before. He was probably going to ask for her hand in marriage to a man who had gone the other way. But he was the closest thing to a father she had, and he wanted to do it right.

He was going to have to warn her. As soon as they were seen together, the media attention was going to explode. Her life was going to change.

“Oh Christ.” He whispered. That was something he wanted to avoid, but it would not be possible. Her privacy was going to be invaded, and he was not certain he wanted that to happen.

Then what? The alternative was whisking her off to Vegas to do a quickie wedding, which was not an option. She would want the whole white wedding deal and everything that comes with it and he would never deny her any of it.

Downing the rest of the drink, he put the glass away and went to take a shower.

*****

She woke up with a feeling of well-being stealing over her. Before she opened her eyes, she had a smile on her lips. He had put her to bed. Pushing the covers off, she eased the pillows up and leaned back, stretching languidly. It had felt great being in his arms.

She had called and he had come without hesitation. She was in love and wanted the world to know.

The smile faded as she recalled the events leading up to last night. A glance at her clock showed that it was very early, but she had to call. Picking up the phone, she dialed up the number and waited for him to pick up.

“Pastor?” A sense of relief flowed through her body when he answered.

“I am sorry for not returning your calls,” he told her quietly.

“I just want to know that you are okay. Are you?”

“I went straight to bed after taking some sleep aids and woke up at dawn this morning and prayed.” He paused. “I know I said some things yesterday…”

“It doesn’t matter,” she told him swiftly.

“I am afraid it does. I have let you and everyone else down and I have to fix things. I called Ingrid and spoken to her. Darcy has agreed to go to rehab to try and get clean. They are coming back home, and I want to be there for my daughter. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Ingrid.

We have grown too far apart, and I have done some awful things. I am in love with two women, and I am asking the Lord for directions.” He paused. “I am confused my dear, torn in two directions and don’t know which way to go. I will be asking Pastor Tom to take over for a little bit until I get my head on straight.”

“How long?” She asked faintly.

“I don’t know.” He told her honestly. “I love the Lord, there is no question about that, but I have strayed from the path he chose for me, and I am going to have to find my way back. Thank you for always looking out for me.”

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