Page 84 of In the Light of the Moon

I bit at my lip and shook my head, trying to clear my shame. Orion wasn’t upset with me, but it was hard to not be upset withmyself. I hadn’t realized I’d been doing anything to him in my desperate attempt to inflict harm on Graham. Selfishly, I wasn’t ready to ask him just how I’d made him feel. “I love you, too. I’m sorry.”

He looked away, “Don’t be. You were trying to help. I just want you to know thatI’llkeep you safe.”

“I know that, baby. I…” How could I explain that the urge this time wasn’t to protect us but a deep, undeniable need to do damage for the sake of it? The slight was just the permission—the trigger.

Meredith cleared her throat behind me, and both Orion and I swiveled our attention to her. “Son, I think it’s time to go. I’ve grown too tired of all the noise and lights.”

I felt Orion breathe a sigh of relief, and he gently placed me on my feet before standing. His movements were more fluid, but not as smooth as usual, and he started us toward the car.

What did I do to him?The worry kept circling round and round in my head. My responses to Ramona’s quips were half-hearted at best, and the only force grounding me to what was going on was Orion’s hand holding mine tightly, like he knew how much I wanted to pull away and hide myself.

It took a frustratingly long time to reach his car, and Orion opened the doors for each of us before sliding in the driver’s seat. Despite his protests, I slid in the back with Ramona and gave his mother the passenger seat. She walked up to the front each time, anyway.

Pulling out of the parking lot was a stop-and-start kind of affair, and I knew by the tension in the back of his neck that Orion was growing more and more irritated by the lack of system to get everyone out in a timely manner.

He turned up the dial on his favorite driving playlist, but his mother quickly followed with turning it back down. “Son, you didn’t tell me that the pack was bothering you. When your fatherand I lived here, the Leader let us be. His son needs to learn some respect?—”

“Meredith—”

“Your father’s family started that pack. Just because your great-great-grandmother abdicated doesn’t mean that they can treat you this way. Obviously, with their history of picking shit Leaders even all the way back then, they could use you. You’re a smart man with a Leader’s instinct.”

I saw Orion’s fingers start to tap rapidly on the steering wheel, no longer following the music but his own internal beat. Meredith reached out and placed her hand over his to stop the movement, but Orion recoiled and shoved away her touch. He resumed stimming and bit out his words, “I’m not fighting for Leader, Meredith. I won’t endanger myself or Sylvie.”

“Orion, your father?—”

“No.” Orion’s shoulders moved with his breathing exercise, and I found myself joining him. We turned out of the lot and started to leave downtown. Christmas lights flashed past, and despite his firm word, Orion wove us fluidly in and out of traffic. “You don’t get to speak on Da or how I live my life, including my relationship. You are my mother, and I respect you for that, but you aren’t owed anything else. Is that clear?”

I expected Meredith to growl again. Maybe posture and try to assert her dominance as his mother. By the flinch she gave and the ticking in her slender jaw, I thought she would. But after a beat, she huffed and looked defiantly out the window. It was probably the best Orion would get.

Orion turned the music back up, and we continued out of town toward his cabin. What was I going to say to him once we were alone? I wanted to both melt into his arms and stay as far away as possible. When I’d lashed out at Graham and stopped his shift, it didn’t seem like I’dhurthim, necessarily. What would I have done if Orion hadn’t held me back?

“Well, besides you all almost shifting in front of the whole goddamn town, I’d say that was a pretty cool festival. The cider was good.” Ramona leaned forward in her seat, “What records did you get again, O?” Despite the tension between him and his mother, my mate couldn’t resist the opening, and he started running through the list of his haul. When Ramona asked follow up questions about his reasonings for choosing each, he relaxed with every word. Ramona nodded along to what he was saying, and when we were finally pulling up the cabin, the two of them had begun to debate on what records he recommended she start her own collection with.

The sight of the cabin and the lake behind it was supremely comforting. The trees stood like a dark veil around everything, but I could feel the humming of life woven throughout. To feel connected and part of the rawness of the world around me was something I’d been missing for many years. And here, at Orion’s house, I felt it in my blood, through every fiber.

The air even tasted clearer when Orion opened my door and helped me out. Instead of walking me to the front door, he tossed his keys to Ramona with encouragement to head inside and start the kettle for some hot chocolate. She and his mother proceeded toward the house while Orion held me to him. I accepted his embrace, despite what I’d done. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed his cheek on my scalp. “Are you okay?”

I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood, but it helped keep the tears away. I shook my head.

“Please tell me what’s wrong, Sylvie. I want to understand,” his voice was back to the husky caress I’d fallen in love with from the first time he spoke.

I kept my face tucked into the curve of his neck. “I feel so bad for hurting you. And I don’t even know how—I just,” I took a breath, trying to steady the quivering in my voice, “I just don’t ever want to hurt you again. I’m so sorry, Orion.”

Orion titled my face up toward his, and his eyes shone brightly, reflecting the light from the house. “Please don’t be, Sylvie. I’m all right. And proud of how strong my mate is. You are a gift to me.” He looked away, but I didn’t miss the pink spreading on his cheeks, “And… I’m trying to find a way to make this land safe for us. I don’t want to fight. But I’d do it for you. I’d die for you, mo ghrá. If it ever came to that.”

The tears won the battle and ran in a near flood down my cheeks. Our breaths fogged the air between us while I fought for something to say. That I’d do the same for him. That I’d kill for him.

A kiss was all I could muster through the flood of emotions, and Orion readily accepted it. I hoped he understood. If not, I would explain.

My arms circled behind his neck, and our kiss deepened. Orion held me closer, and the kiss heated to a warm burn. His tongue tasted like apple cider and explored my mouth lazily. I did the same with his, letting this kiss be a reset.

My phone ringing and vibrating in my back pocket snagged my attention, but my mouth was much slower in pulling away from Orion’s. I gentled my lips, and he moved his to my cheek, then to my neck. My skin heated under his touch, and my mind started turning fuzzy. He nudged his nose past the collar of my coat and painted kisses up and down and around my mark.

I managed to pull my phone out and saw that it was Roz calling. My thumb was less than steady when I answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, sweetie, ah, I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you should come on home.”

Orion stilled and pulled back, listening along to the call. “Yeah, what—what’s wrong?” In the background, I heard a bustling, then a crash of glass.

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