Page 69 of In the Light of the Moon

Ana’s resolve was proving even better than mine or Dec’s could ever be. I shared a worried glance with him, but neither of us said anything. We just stood there. “I feel it, Graham. But do weneedthis? It—it can’t beworthwhat we’ve done.” Her voice cracked at the end, and if I hadn’t heard it or smelled her grief and guilt, I wouldn’t have been able to tell. Her eyes were still steely, her spine rod-straight.

Graham advanced a step, towering over her, even with several feet between them. “You need to mind your place, Ana.” His voice was strong and dominant, but his eyes were bloodshot. I’d been around Leader enough to know that he was feeling it, but not the shame the three of us were drowning with.

One of my cousins down south had been an addict. For a long time, he was able to hide it from everyone—still going to work, still going to Nanna’s for Sunday dinner. He was able to juggle it all, the fixes and the withdrawals. Until he wasn’t.

Leader was strong. Leader had done a lot for us. We’d stopped the pack the next territory over from encroaching on our land. We had a better rein on the new pups and teaching them how to handle their shifts without needing to sequester for months on end until they could control themselves. Despite the blood on our hands, I couldn’t deny that I was able to hear the land singing in a way that I never could before.

But I recognized the strain on Leader’s face. The way it all melted away when we met withhimand let his power take us over. Graham most of all. Christ, we were all fucking addicts.

“You were there the last time. You heard what he said and saw what he was able to do.” I took a nervous gulp.

“Loyal pups, get the witch, and I can bestow on you more power than you’ve dreamt. Than you’ve already felt.”The prospect of being bigger, stronger, and faster had sounded greatat first. We’d all had tastes of it, but they’d mostly faded between each fix. Sylvie would allow him to give us more, he’d said.

Shit, what if I just left? What if I just left everything behind, maybe stayed with my buddy in St. Paul for a while? His pack welcomed his mate easily enough, maybe they’d take me in, too.

Mom and Dad’s faces flashed in my mind, and I dropped the frantic hope. No, I wouldn’t just leave them to this. We kept the others in the dark per Graham’s assertion that the other’s wouldn’t understand.

Yeah, no shit, they wouldn’t understand.

“Is there anything else we need to do, Leader?” I needed to get out of here. To run on my own to clear my head for a while. All I’d been doing in my wolf form was scouting for the solstice. I just wanted to be on four legs and not have tothink.

Graham grunted, still staring Ana down. She finally averted her eyes, but the hard look on her face remained. Leader turned to me and shook his head.

Usually I stayed back after the rest of us were dismissed, in case he needed anything or wanted to discuss something. But I was at my capacity, and if we spent any one-on-one time together, I might reveal my doubts that were growing bigger and bigger each day. Each hour, it felt like.

We were already out in the forest so that we could all speak freely and away from any non-pack human ears, so while the others went toward their cars or to catch up with some of the members that’d left, I stripped my clothes and left them in a haphazardly folded pile on a stump. I’d come back for them. Or not. It didn’t really matter.

I ran through the trees, feeling the cold December air prickle my throat and electrify my lungs. I ran up hills, tumbled around the bends, and just pushed my legs as far as they’d go.

At some point, I found myself at the lake.

The moon was almost full, and its twin sat on the surface of the black water. It was one of my favorite places, ever since I was a pup.

The White One’s father would let us run on the land freely. When all this territory was all of ours. He was Unpacked, but nice. Chief Thompson was kind to him.

Graham, though, wanted him gone. Out of the way so that there was no one else to question whether the land was ours.

I went closer to the water and sat. It moved softly with the other animals that lived within.

A howl made me flinch, and I hadn’t realized I’d come out so far. Usually I tried to stay hidden when I ran to the lake, but I was out in the open. I could clearly see the White One’s house, and I could see him and his female. She sat with a book and one hand on the White One who was shifted, baring his fangs, but coming no further. Protecting his mate instead of attacking me.

I howled back, telling him that I meant no harm. At least right now, it wasn’t a lie.

I watched, and he kept watching. Waiting. But that was good.

Why had I submitted that day? My own body betrayed me—in that moment, myWolfbetrayed me. Because Graham was Pack Leader. This White One was nobody.

But he cared for his mate. Loved her like Dad loved Mom.

What would he do when we took her? What would he do once she was dead?

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Orion

The light from my laptop was painfully bright, no matter how meticulously I’d configured the settings. Staring at it for hours on end was less than ideal, but it was a burden I had to bear at the end of each semester.

My headphones were even starting to press on my ears too much. I’d done a lot of research before purchasing them, and normally, the weight and pressure of them on my head, the nostalgic music I constantly played, and the way they significantly dulled everything around me helped make even the most unpleasant of tasks less difficult.

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