Page 32 of In the Light of the Moon

Luckily, I didn’t have to reject any offers for Juno to come out of town with me since they’d decided to return to their hometown, a few hours south of Antler Pointe, and spend the weekend with their family instead.

Even if I’d have to make these trips by myself for the rest of my life, I’d do it. Even if I felt a clench of longing in my chest when I remembered a time when I ran the forest, not with my father or mother or Juno, but a group that, at the time, felt like my true family. I didn’t missthemparticularly, but there was something about racing amongst the trees with them that made me feel like I’d trulyfoundsomewhere that I belonged.

That had obviously gone to absolute shit. But. Maybe one day.

My legs pushed even faster, harder, as I bounded up a hill. Creatures scattered out of my way, and if I could have, my lips would have pulled back into a wild grin. Up I went with only the desire to feel the breaking of the sun through the canopy of the trees. This wasn’t my land, not my father’s, but it would do.

Golden and warm, the sun was on its descent, but that made it all the richer. I stood on the grassy area, panting but more energized than I’d felt in, well, weeks.

This was what I needed. What I should’ve been able to do at my home. I sat back, sinking into the cushion of the lush clearing. The familiar flare of rage surged again when I remembered the last time I’d been forced to come out here. The urge had grown too strong for me to take cautious jaunts through the territory that wasmine. They claimed it not so, but I felt it down to my bones. Who were they to kick me out? When my very home sat upon it?

But I wouldn’t have this freedom there. Not yet, at least. Where I could spend days without looking over my shoulder,listening forthem. I’d been too confident that last time. Too cocky to realize the true depth of their blind greed. And then they ambushed me while I was walking through town.

I took a deep breath, sucking in the symphony of scents. There was no one for miles and miles, just as it should be. Everything was clearer here, the scents cleaner. My land used to feel like this. When I’d lived there with Da and then when I moved back after he’d gone. When I could see those memories etched in the ground, on the bark of the trees. Though he didn’t have much, my father made me feel like the entire world was open for me. To take only what I needed so that I could bask in the glory of it, be part of it when the rest of my life made me want to shut it all out.

My head shook quickly, as if I was clearing the Etch-A-Sketch my father bought me on my sixth birthday. The ache of Da’s death was usually dull but ever-present. However, whenever I did this, it was harder to ignore.

I sat on the hill, feeling the wind race over me, and I breathed. My lungs took up the familiar pattern, one where I didn’t even really need to count anymore.

And the sun continued to set, giving way for the moon to start lighting up the night in a different but equally brilliant way. The drive back to Antler Pointe last time had felt hollow. Where I had to tear myself away to go back to my life and responsibilities. But this time, as I went briskly back down the hill and toward my car, I had something else to look forward to besides the creature comforts I’d insulated my life with.

Sitting at home with a cigarette, a book, and a cup of coffee were what I had before. What would make the transition back bearable.

But now, my mind cautiously hoped, I had her.

Sylvie.

Just the sight of her kind smile would make this worth it. The feeling of her lips on mine, her body melting into my arms, would convince me to never come back out here if my body didn’t need it to survive. And when she laughed? Her nose wrinkling and her eyes lighting from within? I’d wanted to fall to my knees in worship the first time I’d heard it.

Was that normal? To feel this burning inside my chest each time I was away from her and then this deep, deep settling when I was finally around her again?

When I’d felt I found a mate, who ended up being the furthest from it, I thought we were meant for each other. To be fair, she did an excellent job lulling me into that sense of security, only to rip it away when someone better came along. Someone with an equal drive for power, who was charismatic and had others gravitating toward them like the pull of the earth.

For a while, that betrayal and exile was like a hot blade in my back. Shame, heartbreak, and rejection all melded together in the worst weapon imaginable. One that eventually pushed me to finally return to my father’s land that had been left to me. To clean up his home and make it my own once more. I took to cleaning out the abandoned cabin with my own hands, now much bigger than when I’d helped him build it as a child.

Da used to play his records while we hammered and sanded and constructed his home with our own labor alone. And it hadn’t felt like work then. Even when he had to progress more slowly because he had to explain and teach me at the same time. He was always patient and never made me feel like a burden.

So, when I took to adding onto the cabin, making it a home for myself as an adult, it was almost meditative. Letting the honeyed melody of Da’s soulful music collection carry me through renovating the kitchen, adding a back porch and my bedroom, putting down new floors, and updating all the appliances.

The major projects were done, but working on the house was something else that made sense to me in the way that a lot of things in my life didn’t. When I’d returned to Antler Pointe, I just wanted to carve out a sanctuary for myself. That was still certainly my intention, stupid overly territorial imbeciles be damned, but now I carefully opened myself up to the possibility that… maybe the home would one day not be just for me.

My black car came into view, and I still sensed that no one was around. My steps were relaxed as I went to the tree I’d buried my keys under and quickly dug them up. It was the easiest way I’d found to keep them safe without tying them to my neck.

With unspoken command, the air around me grew charged, warm, and I packed this version of myself—that was free—within. It took seconds for my fur to shrink back into my skin, to be replaced with the curls atop my head and the finer strands on my arms and legs.

My front legs lengthened and snapped into place to become arms once again. My hind legs grew and strengthened until they could comfortably and easily handle my weight. The claws retracted, and my fingers and toes emerged.

It didn’t hurt, necessarily, but it was a sensation that I couldn’t describe to anyone that wouldn’t ever have the experience. Both versions were me, but the human skin had far more restrictions than my wolf form ever would.

Not to mention that I always missed my tail. To anyone else, it might have seemed like a small thing, but to have it shrink and disappear made this feel almost final. My muzzle shrunk to give way for my longer and weaker human nose at the same time my sharp teeth and fangs shrank and became blunt.

I shook out my arms and legs, ridding the last few pinpricks that always chased the ends of the shift. My smooth skin flushed, body now feeling the chill in the air.

It was hard to fully resent this form like I used to when I thought of returning to the female waiting for me. Showing her my wolf form was out of the question. Right? I’d convinced myself of that before, but her grandmother certainly knew what I was. So was there reason to believe Sylvie would accept me, too?

First things first, clothes. I bent down to pick up my keys and dusted the soil off the fob and house key. I walked barefoot to my trunk that contained my change of clothes, wallet, and phone. The long weekend was just what I’d needed. Three whole days spent in the forest on four legs had me feeling energized and ready to go back with a calmer head.

Though I normally hated talking to others, as it involved parsing through confusing expressions and unspoken intentions that often warred with everything else my senses were telling me, I was very eager to talk to her. Sylvie.

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