Page 9 of Caged in Flames

I agree only because she suggests we go off campus to a hole in the wall burger joint. She even offers to drive us in her car. A cute little silver Jetta that she leaves the sunroof open on.

Jane lets me pick the playlist. If that isn't a gesture of friendship, I'd have no idea where else to start.

We talk a little bit about our classes and Blisshaven, but the boys never come up. Gives me hope that we can co-exist while I pretend they don’t actually exist at all.

When we get back, I check in with mom. I am honest and let her know that Satan’s spawns are here. It takes me an hour to get her to calm down. I give her the same pro and con list verbally that I did when I told her I wanted to come back. After reassuring her that this is still the best plan, and suggesting she have a glass of wine, she relaxes enough to call it a night. Not before insisting I call her right after class ends tomorrow though.

I rinse off my face and throw on an old shirt before crawling in bed.

I think about who I've become over the last 15 months. One year and three months of progress doesn’t seem like much when I think about the challenge ahead.

Part of me wants answers for how they could even be back, but that seems like a rabbit hole. I can't invest my energy in a negative wormhole right now. They aren't worth any energy at all.

I'm here to work on my music. I'm here for the opportunities I will have to perform. I’m here for the chance to get into a kickass music program with a scholarship so that my mom and I don't have to accept another penny from the waste of a man whose name is on my birth certificate.

I am getting that diploma. I’ve earned a future.

No one is going to ruin my plan. No one is going to fuck with my journey. I didn't survive my own destruction and the renovations of my damages just to have the past come to mess it all up.

Closing my eyes, I accept that I can only control my own plans, and I prepare for the restless night ahead.

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