Page 78 of Caged in Flames

Epilogue

NIX

Every step I take back to my own room feels heavy with betrayal. And anger. My emotions weigh me down, making the journey from place to the other drag on for what feels like hours.

Eventually, I make it to my destination. I don't remember walking into my bathroom, but that’s where I’ve ended up.

Once again, I'm staring at the girl in the mirror. There’s a part of me that wants to smash it to pieces. I refrain from doing so, though. There is already one broken thing in this room.

I search the drawers frantically until I find it. Another razor. Just a couple of quick slices and I could feel pain on the outside instead of the inside.

But why? Will hurting myself make it easier to accept the hurt of others?

Am I destined to be locked up in this role?

To be the silly girl that always falls for the people who could hurt her the worst.

The girl that used to live in a rusted cage but broke out to be free.

Why won’t the world stop trying to take away her wings?

I need to lock up the thing that beats in my chest. Using my heart has proven to get me right back where I started. Why does it seem to weigh more now that it’s been broken?

Alone.

Why am I always the one getting hurt? That isn’t what I want.

No. I didn’t survive the pits of my own hell just to fall at the hands of another devil.

I’ve been in this hole of self-pity for long enough and it’s time I stopped digging it deeper. I throw the blade away and look back at my reflection.

I see gray eyes. I see the red lips I painted on for the performance. I see the black of mascara smear in the corner of my eyes from the tears that are pooling there.

Grabbing some tissue, I dab away the moisture.

These eyes don't seem so lifeless this time around, though. This time around I can almost make out a small flame lighting them up just enough to push me to do something.

I grab the makeup remover from my counter. Scrubbing the entire day from my face. I rub until my face is raw.

I’m so tired of being someone’s victim. I am not this girl anymore. I tried to move on from the past. I didn’t crave revenge. I didn’t look for redemption. But fuck that.

Maybe I should have.

There's something I've learned about the world burning you down: you can rise from the ashes.

But not everyone is a Phoenix, and I wonder how they will handle my fire.

SAWYER

There’s no reward for breaking someone’s heart. And if you break it twice, there is no redemption.

There was a moment today where I felt full. Like my world was spinning in the right direction.

Now I feel like I’m a globe that’s been soccer kicked off its axis.

I feel hollow and empty.

The last time I hurt Nix, I was the one walking out of the room. Even if I didn’t understand the cost of leaving her behind then. I walked out with my head held high.

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