Page 42 of Caged in Flames

Nix goes to leave, but before she does, she heads to the back of the class. She grabs the pencils and slams them on the desk. “You’re off beat. At least be a decent drummer if you’re going to act like an obnoxious child.” Then she walks right out of the classroom.

I’m not letting Sawyer get away with his shit though. "Good going, fucker. Do you always have to piss her off? What is wrong with you?" I'm not sure what his deal is.

"I was joking. You know, the typical horny asshole comments. I didn't mean to upset her this time. Maybe I did. I don't know." His voice sounds sincere, but it's hard to trust it.

I shake my head but race for the door as soon as the bell rings. I make it to the girl’s bathroom just in time to catch Nix.

"Are you okay?" She doesn't appear to still be upset, but I have to make sure.

"I'm fine. Honestly, I don't even think he meant to tick me off this time, not like normal. Plus, the noise in the room may have made me a little more...reactive.” She looks down at the ground and I can almost hear her over analyzing it in her head.

“It was just overwhelming. I might be a little embarrassed by what Sawyer said too." She says the last part so quietly, I almost miss it.

"Why would you be embarrassed? If anyone, it should be him." I rub the back of my neck trying to relieve the tension that’s built up over the last hour.

She sighs. "It's just that I like how things are going with us. I don't want you to think I'm some kinky freak, but I'm also struggling with the fact that it's sort of true."

I send a mental message to my dick to calm the fuck down because we need to have this talk. "I have a free period right now. Can I walk you to music? We can talk after."

"Actually, Jane had an appointment and today was self-practice so I don't have to go to class." I grab her hand before she finishes and walk her outside. On our way out, I see Jude and Charlie talking with Sawyer. They seem to be in a heated discussion, but I don't let Nix see them, blocking her view by turning sideways.

"Let's find a place to sit," I say. We find an open patch of grass underneath a large tree and sit down together. I lean my back against the tree and pull her back to my front, and we both stretch our legs out in front of us.

"Gunner, what happened with the guys this summer?" She asks quietly, like she doesn’t really want to.

I use my fingers to move her face to the side enough that she can see my own. "I don't know how to talk about that."

"What do you mean?" Nix isn't upset, simply curious.

"I did like hanging out with them this summer. I'm not saying that I miss them. Maybe I miss who I thought they were." I can see the confusion in her eyes. "When I picked you, I meant it. I don't regret it, Nix."

Adjusting her hair behind her ear, I try and reassure her as best I can. Her eyes close. Some of the tension leaves her body when I touch her. It makes me want to keep my hands on her constantly.

"I think I miss who I thought they were. I spent the summer getting to know them. They even convinced me to come to a party before school started." I don't want to get into that with her yet, so I move on. "But they weren't my friends. They were fakes. Everything about them was pretend. Or maybe who they are here is pretending. I don't know."

I can feel myself getting angry, but Nix leans back further into my touch and it calms me enough to continue.

"Then, every once and awhile, I catch a glimpse of your wrist. It makes me so fucking mad. I want to murder them when I think..." I trail off because I don't want to think about Nix sitting in a bathtub full of her own blood.

Nix turns arounds and kneels in front of me. I have to discreetly adjust my pants, because that is a sight no man is worthy of.

"G, you have to know, it wasn't their fault." I go to interrupt her, but she puts a finger to my lips. "Believe me, I am so mad at them. I have a bank of negative feelings reserved just for them. But it wasn't their fault. I'm sick, Gunner. It took me a long time to accept that.”

A shiver runs through her, so I pull her closer to me.

“There's this awful black cloud rolling around in my head. Sometimes it disappears and sometimes it takes over my whole body. Either way, what I did was my own choice. Not theirs. Sure, maybe the things they did acted as a catalyst. I can't lie, though. I felt that way long before they hurt me."

She doesn’t go into more detail about exactly what happened. I’m sure I could ask around school, but for now she’s gotten to start over new. I don’t want to bring attention to her. And I'd rather hear it from her lips.

Fuck. The strength she has. She's so raw. So real. I lean up and gently place my lips over hers. It's nothing like the kiss after our study date. It's much more.

"Thank you, Nix." I'd do anything to keep the smile she gives me on her face forever. "Now, tell me all about being a kinky freak."

I turn her around again so her back is right against my chest. My lips settled on the back of her head. She laughs at me and sinks further into me.

Nix tells me how reading is as much a coping mechanism as it is a hobby.

She tells me about the time Sawyer caught her reading something naughty, explaining some of the jokes he’s made. Even though she glosses over their physical history, providing no details but letting me know they’ve hooked up, it doesn’t stir jealousy in me.

We stay like that for a long time, content to be pressed together. No forcing conversation, in some moments not bothering to talk at all. Just enjoying being in each other’s company.

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