Page 19 of Caged in Flames

Chapter Nine

Summer before Sophomore Year:

I'm still consumed with anger after hearing the fight between Richard and my mother. The only thing I need right now is a release.

Getting into the car Richard just bought me for my sixteenth birthday, I head over to Sin's Sleep Haven. The motel name makes it sound like a safe place to stay right off the highway, but after several visits here this summer I know that isn't the truth.

Every room smells like cigarettes and filth. With wallpaper covering the holes left behind by shady guests. I don't give a shit. I'm here for something and it isn't a good night's rest.

Walking into the seedy room, I find the woman I’ve paid for is waiting just as I requested. I gave the service the same description I always do. Waist length sandy colored hair, a perfect length to wrap around my wrist. Blue eyes, not that I will see them. I only ever fuck these women from behind. It's all transactional.

I don't like physical touch. I never have. I can’t control what other people might do to me if they touch me. Even though I’ve blocked out most of my childhood, I can remember the only time people touched me then was to hurt me.

My mother has never tried to hug or comfort me. There is no way I’m going to let any of those sluts from school touch me either. Fucking leeches. They want money or attention or maybe some childish fantasy of young love. Not a chance. Sawyer and Jude are more likely to give them one of those. I barely tolerate breathing the same air as all of the brats.

Even though the idea of intimacy is fucking disgusting, I can't deny that I have needs. These sexual urges are barely satisfied during the times Sawyer lets me watch him and his fuck buddies. There’s nothing appealing about trying to search out a real partner for these situations, especially when buying it is a lot less messy.

"Don't move from that spot, don't use any words, and don't fucking look at me." I'm not polite. My voice is deep for my age and I inflict as much anger as I can into my tone. I let the rage I've been keeping in check come to the surface.

I hear her breath stutter. "Nod twice if you understand." She hesitates, but nods. Good. I can feel her fear in the air. One of the few emotions I’m familiar with. I double check the lock on the door before walking over to her. She’s scared of me. I briefly wonder why someone would choose this profession, but it’s her body, and she can let me use it for a paycheck if she wants.

"Perfect." I'm lying. No one is perfect, least of all some cheap disposable whore.

Unzipping my pants, I grab my dick, thinking of the girl I wish I had in front of me. The girl who haunts my house. The girl whose face I’ve only seen in pictures and newspaper clippings in Richard’s office.

I stroke myself up and down. Picturing pouty lips wrapped around me while bright blue innocent eyes look up at me. Fuck. I've never let one of these women touch me, not even for the fantasy. It'd be too much to make eye contact with one of them.

Thinking of how gentle fingers trained to play the violin would feel wrapped around my dick. Would there be callouses? Would it hurt so good? I groan at the thought.

I always bring my own condom, and as soon as I'm nice and hard, I roll it on. Running my hand over her ass, I study the body in front of me. What little ass there is anyway. Her skin is almost the exact shade of the image in my head.

“I will call you by whatever name I choose, and I will leave as soon as I am finished with you." Another nod. Then I grab her hair, pulling her off her hands, leaving her to sit on her knees as I enter her. “Oh, baby, you were so scared before, but you’re so wet”.

I'm glad. If I wanted to fuck a dry tunnel, I could use a toy.

I thrust hard into her and she gasps. “Hush, girl. None of that.” I grunt the words out.

Pulling at her hair, I run my nose over her neck. She shivers and that small reaction sets me off. Pretending she's the object of my obsession, I shove her head down to the dirty bed, and thrust hard over and over.

I'm sure the hand around the back of her throat is choking her, but the slut is drenched in her arousal so I don't stop.

"Fuck, your pussy is squeezing my dick." I fuck her ruthlessly. In and out, hard and fast. Of course, this bitch is getting off on my shitty behavior towards her. People are all screwed up in the head.

She moans, trying to throw her head back, and I slap her ass. "I said hush, Diana." Her cunt clenches as my hand makes contact with her ass cheek again. And again.

I don’t mean to use her name, afraid one of these sluts will try stalking me with any details they can pick up, regardless of the privacy promised to me. Tonight it can’t be helped. I’m still too pissed and the thought of taking it out on her in this way pushes me over the edge far too soon.

As I find my release, I go as deep as I can. The girl tries to pull awayfrom the fullness, but that just makes me come harder. I push myself away from her, and button up my jeans. Looking back at the mess on the bed, I can see her smiling like that was enjoyable.

I sneer at her just in case she breaks the rules and sees me. I take the used condom with me just like I have every time I order a girl to be my Diana for the night. Leaving the room feeling mildly satisfied, but just as empty as when I entered.

I don't even know why I'm so hung up on her. I've never spoken to her. Never seen her in person. Mom wouldn't allow for it. Richard has turned her into a guillotine hanging over our house. Playing clips he's found on the internet of her performances, hiding pictures in locked drawers. He's weak, but if I thought myself capable, I'd say I cared about him. He's the only person who ever invested time with me. I used to think it was an excuse to get away from my mom, but he's never made it seem that way.

I can't stand the woman who brought me into the world. She's always been pathetic. She didn't stop my dad from doing all the shit he put me through, scared his attention would turn to her instead. That woman has left me all alone in the world and I hate her for it.

But I can't do shit to her. At least not yet. That's okay though. She's given me a new target.

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