Prologue
Dark. Numb. Void.
Are these feelings even real? Or has this state of barely existing become my constant?
Ever since they happened, the darkness in my mind devours all my thoughts. Sure, I’ve been captive in my own mind long before today, before this year, even.
But this story has hit its climax. The action is over. My resolution nears.
My mom gave me a strong name, Diana Phoenix Westbrook. It wasn’t exactly the ideal name for the playground, and I hate my father’s last name with a passion, but not even elementary school teasing could have prepared me for this level of self-destruction.
Before them, I thought myself the princess of my namesake. I dreamed of making waves in the world, despite the struggles I’ve grown accustomed to. I’ve been a naive little fool. Now all I want is to be nothing, life is just too damn hard.
Waking up every morning is a personal form of torture. I want this hell to end.
Looking up into the mirror, I study the stranger staring back at me. Once bright blue eyes filled with love and adventure have turned a dull gray. I can’t say that I hate the change, especially when the blue eyes I’m used to came from the sperm donor who left us behind.
He ran to a new family and never looked back. I have no doubt that his many transgressions contributed to the mess I am now. After all, it was his chosen son’s relentless pushing that has me turning away from my reflection and towards the end of everything.
I step into the bathtub, and I raise the shady piece of metal I forced out of my razor. It’s a little rusty, but when I run it across my thumb, it slices through my skin easily enough. I have a moment of relief that I can’t see my pathetic face in the piece. It’s just dingy enough that those haunted eyes cannot taunt me any longer. Frigid water surrounds me on every side, but the cold outside my body does nothing except call to the numbness on the inside.
With a deep breath, I force the edge of the blade into my wrist. This should hurt, but the pressure working its way across my skin brings me hope. Soon, I will never have to feel anything again. I’ll never have to wake up and wonder how the world will bring me pain that day. There will be no more low periods of wishing to be normal. Never again will I be happy, only to dread when it all comes caving in.
I’ve been locked up in the rusted cage of my mind for so long, and I am done trying to fight it. I repeat the action on my right wrist. For a beautiful moment, I embrace the finality of my actions and drop the razor into the water tinged with pink and red ribbons.
Sitting back into the water, I await the peace I have craved for so long.