Page 36 of Christmas with my Three Best Friends

Her mask cracks, just for a second. The darkness returns to her eyes. The silent rage bubbles beneath the surface, and I begin to wonder how much of what she has just told me is even true. Or maybe she just hasn’t come across a good therapist. Her gaze bounces around the room, as if searching for someone—my significant other, most likely. Roxanne’s habits haven’t changed much, clearly.

“Well, either way, I hope you’re happy,” she says, her voice melting into a heavy sigh. “I know what I had and what I lost. I just hope the new woman in your life doesn’t make the same mistake.”

“Thank you for your kind words, Roxanne,” I reply. I also make the mistake of glancing to my right just in time to meet Shay’s gaze in the wall mirror mounted in front of her treadmill. My blood runs cold, and my brain refuses to process what’s happening. How do I regain control of a situation I can’t even ascertain as dangerous or just unpleasant? “So, what brings you back here?”

She follows my point of focus just before I shift it back to her, and I can tell she saw and registered Shay as a potential competitor—which is simply inane, since Roxanne doesn’t stand a single chance with me. Not anymore. Not after the energy I burned and the misery she provoked in my life, even though I was always faithful and completely devoted to her.

“I decided to come back to the gym,” Roxanne says. “It’s a good habit to pick up again and to keep. I need to look after myself, both body and mind, and working out was always such a booster for me.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I reply politely. “I’ll get out of your way, then. I’ve got two clients I need to keep an eye on.”

Roxanne places a hand on my upper arm, gently gripping the muscle as she smiles again. “I was hoping you might help me with a training plan. Or at least tell me what to work on today, given it’s my first day back in… oh, almost four months!”

I stare at her in genuine disbelief, praying for the gods to unclench her hand. But she keeps it there, her touch firm yet tender, lips persisting in their willing smile. Shay’s presence has me on edge, though, and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea—not after the uncomfortable conversation we had about Vincent earlier, so I pull back and step away from Roxanne before I point her to one of the leg machines.

“You could start there after you do your usual warm-up,” I tell her. “Three sets of fifteen reps each. Use the first three weights, though. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Oh, thank you, Marius. You’re always so kind and helpful. Even if I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t worry about it, Roxanne. It’s my job.”

She giggles and goes over to the machine. My blood reaches its boiling point as I turn around and see Shay slowing down on the treadmill. Her t-shirt is drenched in sweat, her cheeks crimson and her blonde hair puffy and curlier after a good workout. The look in her eyes punches me right in the gut. It’s dismay. Pure and simple. Dismay. Disappointment. Irritation. It’s definitely not one of our better days, and neither of us chose this.

“Like this?” Roxanne asks as she takes her seat and slips her legs beneath the padded press.

“Yeah. Fifteen reps.”

Shay gets off the treadmill and gives herself a minute under the AC vent to cool off faster as she pats her face dry with a small towel. I watch her in silence, admiring her curves and the way her thigh muscles twitch when she shifts her weight from one foot to the other. I remember our previous night together, the round shape of her gorgeous ass as I bent her over and gave her everything I had. I remember the raspy sound she makes during her climax, the dark look in her eyes when we look at each other, when I let go inside her, and she welcomes every drop.

I remember her steady breathing as she sleeps in my arms. Her colorful laughter. Her relentlessness in everything she sets out to do. This is a fierce woman I’ve come across, the kind of woman I can built a good life with.

I glance back at Roxanne, sensing old anxieties bubbling back to the surface. The uncertainty. The uneasiness. Love isn’t supposed to feel the way it felt with Roxanne. It’s supposed to be tranquil and energizing, uplifting and sweet. The way it is with Shay.

But the tension that has arisen between us since our exes somehow picked the same day to pop back into the picture is impossible to dismiss. We weren’t ready for any of it. I think we’re both trying to prove to ourselves and each other that we are over our pasts. We’ve been friends for so long. These are things we’ve talked about.

I can feel the discomfort, though. Hers and mine. They’re on a similar wavelength.

It worries me.

14

Shay

There’s no denying things have shifted in ways I’d hoped they never would.

I was convinced I was completely over Vincent, yet in the past couple of days I’ve been bumping into his ghost in most of my thoughts. I even had a dream about him, a memory resurfacing and making me feel incredibly guilty.

I don’t have any feelings for him anymore—I’m absolutely certain of that. But he’s still occupying more of my mind than I would like him too. And I think the same is happening for Marius with Roxanne.

Marius said she means nothing to him. That we’re together. I want to believe that, and I do know he is stubbornly faithful. Yet I fear he is plagued by the same doubts as me, these fleeting moments of uncertainty. There shouldn’t be any. We’re a team. There are four of us in this dynamic, and that week in Chappaqua only served to solidify the bond, but because we all agreed we’d keep it strictly physical, I’m starting to think the emotional factor may be messing with our heads and hearts.

“You don’t want Vincent back,” Cassandra says as we walk to the gym. She has a training session with Lyle. “It’s obvious you have deep feelings for Marius, for Jax, and for Richard.”

“I’m not sure if my feelings for them are a good thing, though. We are trying to keep things simple.”

“And only physical, yeah, I know, you’ve been reciting that mantra for quite a while, and I’m frankly amused you actually think I might believe you,” Cassandra scoffs.

We enter the reception area and get her locker key first. Alice isn’t here yet, but Lyle showed up earlier and is happy to assist. I feel bad since he’s only a trainer and certainly not paid to do Alice’s job, but since I can’t fire her yet, all I can do is thank him as Cassandra and I head into the locker room to change. I’ve got my morning cardio to deal with, while she’s on her second strength training session with Lyle.

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