Page 69 of Christmas with my Three Best Friends

“Are you okay?” Jax asks, frowning as he measures me from head to toe.

I don’t feel particularly sexy in this plush, teddy-bear-style onesie I’ve settled for my cabin mornings, bare toes wiggling on the wooden floor, but hey… I doubt it matters at this point. My core is already tightening, the longing in my heart swelling with every second I spend gazing upon my men.

“Yeah, I guess… I’m… Yeah, I’m okay. But again, I ask, how’d you find me?” I reply.

Richard shoots me a cool half-smile. “Cassandra told me.”

“I’m going to kill her,” I mutter, my teeth gritting furiously. “First, her social media posting habits. Now, this… I am going to kill her.”

“Don’t,” Marius replies, rather amused. “She was only trying to help.” He pauses to give me a long, meaningful look. “We drove past Vincent on the way up here. What happened?”

“Ugh, where do I begin?” I grumble, crossing my arms. “And you three still haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here? Who’s covering the gym?”

“Ever the hard-working girl,” Richard chuckles softly. “Can we come in? We just want to talk.”

I offer a weary shrug in return. “You’d better not be proposing, too. I’ve already kicked Vincent in the ‘nads for that.”

They don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’m pretty sure they’re trying to process the information as they look at me in disbelief and befuddlement. All I can do is let a deep sigh roll out of my chest as I welcome Marius, Jax, and Richard into the cabin. My soul is as light as a feather, my brain is conspiring against me with ideas of re-coupling and reconciliation but also fears that it will only go further south from here, somehow.

My body aches for them. My heart is thudding like a rabid drum.

Yet every inch of me wants this moment, this single moment to never end. I came up here looking for peace, and it turns out my peace was still in Seattle. My peace has only just arrived. In the form of three men who have undoubtedly changed my life for the better. No matter what comes next, no matter the purpose of their visit, I can no longer deny this singular truth. I am better because of them. I am better with them. I just don’t know how I’ll be without them.

31

Shay

Five minutes later, I’m still standing by the fireplace, flames radiating a pleasant warmth against the back of my legs. Jax sits on the armrest of the sofa, while Richard moves closer to me and Marius slowly paces around the living room, hands in his jacket pocket while a nervous frown casts shadows over his sweet, brown eyes.

My senses are alight, my whole being attuned to their presence. I’d forgotten how intense it was to simply be around them, let alone be touched and loved by them. Gosh, they’re such a powerful combination of kindness, strength, and balance. No wonder I fell so deeply, no wonder not a day goes by that I don’t miss them—my friends, my business partners, my lovers.

But I need to hear what they have to say, first and foremost.

“I’m sorry we showed up like this,” Richard is the first to speak. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to see us if we called in advance.”

“To be honest, we were trying to get to you before Vincent,” Marius adds, subtly amused. “But obviously you handled him without a problem.”

“Just a kick in the nuts,” I reply.

Jax chuckles dryly. “Attagirl.”

“I didn’t want to have to do that, but he didn’t leave me with a more decent option,” I say.

“Well, at least you’re the one who handled him,” Jax says. “I doubt I would’ve stopped at a kick in the balls.”

We laugh, and it feels nice as I sense the anguish dissipating between us. At least we’re still close, at least we can still laugh about things in a comfortable manner. There’s plenty of awkwardness and tension between us even now, yet I can’t help but… hope something is about to change. At the same time, my self-sabotaging brain keeps telling me not to get lost in any wishful thinking. My heart can’t take another disappointment.

“The point is, Shay… We didn’t do right by you,” Marius says. The pained look in his eyes has my very soul tangled, struggling for release. “When Vincent showed up, I should’ve been more adamant about keeping him out of our lives.”

“And when I started flirting with the idea of another gym, I should’ve paid more attention to you, I should’velistenedto you,” Richard says.

“Don’t even get me going with my commitment issues,” Jax grumbles. “I was getting close to you, to the idea of building something beautiful… you know, the four of us together. And I chickened out. Meanwhile, you were trying to keep us in the same field, to balance our dynamic and to protect our relationship while also working to protect yourself. We didn’t understand, we didn’t see what was happening until we felt you slipping away.”

Marius gently takes my hands in his. “The truth is, I love you, Shay. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in this life. You’re it for me. I can’t see myself being with anybody else. And I’m not the only one who feels this way, either.”

“We all feel it,” Richard adds, watching me closely. “I love you.”

“And I love you, too,” Jax says. “We’re fine with sharing you, we’re happier sharing you and being tight like this than not being at all. If anything, I think we’re happier when it’s the four of us together than the four of us apart.”

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