Page 58 of Christmas with my Three Best Friends

“You’re just going to make me cry.” I can’t help but laugh lightly despite the tears working their way up to my eyes.

“I am not lyin’ and you know it,” Cassandra quips. “It won’t be easy. It will definitely be messy. And you bet your toned ass I’m gonna be with you every step of the way, honey. You’re not alone in this.” She pauses for a moment, while I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. “Who knows? Maybe the guys will be thrilled. Or at least the guy who turns out to be the father.” She laughs. “My God, woman, you sure love to complicate everything…”

“I should’ve stuck to just one guy, huh?” I chuckle bitterly.

“That would’ve been the sensible thing to do.”

“It would’ve been difficult. Damn near impossible, if I’m honest. I fell for each of them, separately and together. It made sense when it was the four of us, away from prying eyes. It made sense when we were dating one-on-one, too, but mostly because we wanted to grow as pairs so we could be more open and stronger when the four of us would be together again.”

Cassandra gives me a brief look, warmth and surprise glimmering in her eyes. “You really love all three of them, huh?”

“I guess that’s why it hurts so deeply to pull away from them.”

“It’s also why you’re so scared and pulling away in the first place.”

“It was beautiful while it lasted, right?” I choke on another round of tears.

“It was,” she says. “You were happy. I could tell.”

“Maybe it’ll be better once I take this time off. Maybe someday I’ll find what I need and deserve.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Shay, just remember that first and foremost. Enjoy this break we’re going on. You’ll love the lake, the forest, the tranquility that comes with both. You’ll find clarity in solitude.”

I give her a curious look. “You do this a lot, don’t you?”

“Every other weekend, yeah. I go away and come back with my batteries recharged and my mind cleared. Trust me, babe, the trees and the woods will always be there for us to hide and gather our thoughts.”

There’s so much unraveling inside me. There are moments when I can barely breathe, when every layer of my life comes crashing down, squelching me under the weight of all my decisions put together. There are moments when I look up and see a ray of sunlight piercing through the dark sky of my own thoughts. Days and days, I suppose.

But yeah, maybe it’ll work out in the end, and maybe it won’t.

Either way, I’ve got a baby coming and a broken heart to mend. I need to put myself first, and I need a good cleanse of the soul with a couple of weeks spent out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe I’ll emerge a wholly different person—or at least a sharper version of myself. A healed version of myself.

24

Shay

Afew days by the lake have already begun to work their magic, albeit rather slowly.

I sleep better. Then again, Cassandra and I spend most of our time outdoors. The cabin is small but comfortable and with all the modern amenities. The town is just half a mile away, and the roads are surprisingly clear for late February in these parts of Canada. It snows a lot, but the local government has a huge fleet of snowplows constantly out on the road.

It’s a beautiful place, surrounded by a deep green forest of majestic pines and ancient oak trees. It overlooks the south side of the lake, with waters reflecting a giant sky. At night, the view is a breath-taking spectacle of lights since we’re so far away from light-polluting cities. The moon and the stars dance freely over the black heavens, strips of stardust and strands of our galaxy becoming visible on the clear nights. The air is crisp and fresh, while the snow stays fluffy and plump for days on end.

We start our mornings in the spacious living room by the fireplace. Flames crackle, and I love the smell of burning wood with my decaffeinated coffee. Cassandra makes sure I’m not eating or drinking anything that might affect my pregnancy. I mean, who needs a man when you’ve got a friend like her?

“Oh, look at that sky,” she declares as she settles by the bay window. “It’s gonna be clear and sunny today. You know what that means, right?”

“We’re gonna visit the farm next door…” I shouldn’t sound so disappointed. They’re only a hundred yards down the road from us, and they’re the sweetest people we’ve come across so far.

“You love hanging out with their goats! Why are you so glum?”

“I don’t think I’m glum, just… bloated,” I sigh deeply. “I do love hanging out with their goats.”

“We should definitely eat before we head out, though,” Cassandra says.

We’re still in our flannel jammies, thick woolen socks rolled down to our ankles—mine are slightly swollen, and my back hurts a little. She gives me a worried look, so I’m compelled to respond with a reassuring smile. “Don’t hover, Cass. I’m good. Just the joys of pregnancy.”

“Oh, you’re gonna go through it like a champ. All of those gym workouts will pay off, and you know it.”

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