Page 37 of Christmas with my Three Best Friends

“Even if we try to keep our feelings out of it, I don’t know… Something has changed since Vincent showed up. Not to mention Roxanne. That was one hell of a day, let me tell you.”

“Shay, it’s just an unpleasant coincidence,” my best friend says as she changes into her black tights and oversized cotton t-shirt. “If anything, consider this a stepping stone. A moment for you to reflect on the past and on how much you’ve healed since Vincent left.”

I nod slowly. “I don’t want him back.”

“You’ve said it before, and I believe you. But I also know there is still a part of you that grieves for him, for what could’ve been. And that part of you may be responsible for whatever doubt you’re dealing with. The what if he’s different? What if he’s really changed? That part.”

“Do you think he’s changed?”

Cassandra takes a deep breath, hands resting on her bony hips. “Honey, a narcissist doesn’t stop being a narcissist. And given Vincent’s aversion to the basic concept of therapy, his toxic misogyny, and his track record with you alone, I have solid doubts he even regrets hurting you.”

“So what is he doing back here, talking about winning me back?”

“It’s just fluff,” she says. “He couldn’t find a better source to feed his ego and his poisonous vanity, so he’s trying to see if he can have another go at you. You do understand this man is incapable of healthy love, right? Don’t you remember how he used to treat you?”

“How could I forget?”

For every moment of affection, he would give me a week’s worth of silent treatment and discomfort. For every date, he would spend days belittling me and diminishing my accomplishments, constantly devoted to making me feel small and worthless compared to him. For every soft word spoken, Vincent would double-down with micro-aggression and subtleties designed to make me question my own self-worth. He was impossible to please, yet I gave him my everything. I lost myself trying to keep him by my side because he’d made a habit of threatening to leave me whenever I did or said something that didn’t suit him personally.

“As for Roxanne, you really don’t need to stress yourself over her,” Cassandra says.

“Do you think she’s got a shot at Marius?” I ask my friend in a low voice, careful so Lyle doesn’t overhear any part of our conversation.

Cassandra shakes her head and chuckles lightly. “Shay, that man is willing to share you with two other men just so he can be with you. I sincerely doubt Roxanne can even hold a candle to you.”

“Are you ready?” Lyle politely interjects, his gaze fixed on Cassandra.

She raises her water bottle and smiles. “Give me a minute to fill this up.”

“Alright. I’ll go in, then,” he replies, then looks at me.

I nod amusingly. “Don’t worry, Lyle, I’ll cover reception until Little Miss Muffet shows up.”

“Thanks, Shay.”

“No, no, thank you,” I say.

Cassandra fills up her water bottle and leans on the desk. “My point is… Try not to overthink anything happening right now. Coincidences are just that. Coincidences. What matters is how you deal with them, and how you, Marius, Jax, and Richard deal with each other.”

“Was Chappaqua too good to be true?”

“Not necessarily. But that kind of bliss never lasts. It’s often intertwined with reality, with other people, with stress and the struggles of everyday life,” she says. “It’s normal, it’s natural. Every relationship is like that, no matter how many participants. We have fears and doubts, we have skeletons in our closets, and we have varying degrees of anxieties as to where it will lead.”

I lower my gaze. I’d hoped this conversation would make me feel better, but the knot in my stomach is only getting tighter. Muffled grunts and growls erupt from the martial arts room. Jax must be in there for his regular morning training sessions. We haven’t spoken much since Vincent popped up. We’re due for a group date soon, but things keep getting in the way. The uncertainty isn’t helping.

“Thanks, Cass,” I reply with a heavy sigh. “I’ll see you after your training session.”

“Are you gonna be okay?” she asks, concern glimmering in her voice.

“Yeah, definitely. I think I need more coffee today, that’s all.”

She smiles and disappears into the gym. Marius is already in there with clients of his own, and I’m pretty sure Richard is busy taking calls in his office.

With a shaky resolve and hoping that today will be better between the four of us, I go about making myself a second cup of coffee. I listen to the machine’s brewing rumble and watch the soft, brown liquid pouring until a familiar voice draws my attention.

“Hi, Shay,” Roxanne says as she walks into the reception area.

I swallow a string of profanities and force myself to offer a pleasant smile instead. I’m pretty sure I’ve barely pulled off a grimace, but it will have to do. “Good morning, Roxanne. Welcome back,” I reply. “Let me get you a key…”

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