Page 37 of Obsession Under the Southern Stars

It must have been hard for Joel while growing up, though. He’s smart, and he’s achieved a lot considering he’s only twenty-eight, overseeing all the North Island offices of MOANA, as well as the impressive dive records I’ve only just found out about. He must be doing well if he’s up for Director of Operations.

But Fraser is clearly the apple of their father’s eye. He is… an unusual guy. He looks conservative and a little old-fashioned, and if you didn’t know better, you’d be forgiven for thinking he’s probably on the spectrum, and more comfortable in a library with his head buried in a book.

But Fraser is the one who graduated top of his cohort, which is no mean feat in a big university like Otago. He got a job at the failing National Museum of Wellington as DevelopmentOfficer, then apparently did such a good job that two years later he was promoted to Director of Development and Fundraising, focusing on securing funding through donations, grants, and partnerships, overseeing fundraising, and looking after donor relations. Not long after that, when the person in charge of the whole museum retired, Fraser applied for and got the role of Museum Director. He’s almost single-handedly responsible for turning the museum’s fortunes around, and now it’s thriving, and one of the most popular tourist destinations in Wellington.

He’s dynamic, highly ambitious, driven, and super smart. Elora has told me that her father is immensely proud of him. And now, I wonder whether, between Fraser’s success and Elora’s traumatic past, Joel has somehow fallen by the wayside where his parents—and especially his father—are concerned. It must be tough to stand in a sibling’s shadow and feel that it doesn’t matter what you achieve—it’s never going to be as important or as impressive as what your brother has done.

My heart goes out to him, because he’s loyal, trustworthy, and hardworking, and he’s kind and generous. He’s a good man, and he deserves better.

Chapter Nine

Joel

“Joel,” Zoe says.

I bring my gaze back to her. I was thinking about Elora, and hoping I was right to say she’s old enough to know her own mind. Linc used to be my best friend. I think it would break my heart too if he hurt her.

“Joel,” Zoe says again, gently. She’s leaning forward on the table, and her head is tipped a little to the side as she studies me. “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

I blink. It’s honestly the first time in my life that anyone has ever said that to me.

I open my mouth to reply, but no words come out.

She watches me finish off my Champagne and then clear my throat. Eventually I say, rather hoarsely, “I wasn’t looking for praise.”

“It’s mine to give,” she says, “just like your money is yours to spend on a gift for me.”

My lips twist, because she’s right.

“I can’t tell you how proud I felt when I was talking to Manu and he told me about all your accomplishments,” she continues. “I don’t know why you haven’t shouted them from the rooftops. I didn’t even know you were in charge of the North Island offices! And now you’re up for Director of Operations. At twenty-eight! That’s amazing!”

My face grows hot. Jesus. I haven’t blushed since I was about twelve.

“And all those dive awards,” she continues, shaking her head.

Her eyes glow with admiration, and it makes me feel the way I did when I went diving at Australia’s Great Barrier Reef and saw a rare juvenile oarfish—filled with wonder.

“You must have practiced so much,” she says, “and worked so hard to get them. I can’t imagine the number of hours you must have put in. I’m absolutely stunned that you hold the static apnea test for over nine minutes. That’s incredible.”

“Please stop,” I say, feeling uncomfortable.

“No,” she says, “I won’t, because I have a feeling that nobody has said anything like this to you before. You’re amazing, Joel. Extraordinary. And the fact that I don’t want to have a relationship with you has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s all me. You are sexy, and confident, and accomplished, and any woman would be incredibly lucky to have you as a partner.”

I scratch the back of my neck. “I don’t know what to say.”

She finishes off her champagne and licks her lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that you’re not invisible. People do see what you’ve achieved, and they are impressed.”

You’re not invisible. That was an interesting phrase for her to choose, because that’s how I’ve felt so often with my father. My mother isn’t quite as bad, but even she forgets I exist when Fraser or Elora needs something. Maybe it’s a compliment—perhaps my parents both assume I don’t need their praise or help. They only have so much time and affection, and they would rather spend it on someone who needs it. But they don’t understand that we all need to be supported, and admired, and lifted up from time to time.

I don’t like thinking about it, because it makes me feel needy and childish. I’m a grown man now, and I can achieve my goals without their approval or their praise. But despite that, Zoe’s words touch me more than she can ever know.

Isamu comes out with a tray containing two cups of coffee, milk, and sugar, collects our dessert plates, and disappears inside.

We add a splash of milk, then sip our coffee, which is hot and slightly nutty. The jazz music is like the soundtrack to summer. I can smell the jasmine growing around the edge of the pool, and in the trees behind us comes the sound of a ruru or New Zealand owl:more pork!The southern stars are bright in the darkening sky.

I point to one of them. “Puppis is clear tonight.”

“Puppis?”

---