Page 107 of Obsession Under the Southern Stars

We sit there like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, listening to the river as it tumbles over the rocks. Howard adds to the rapidly growing pile of stones at our feet, content with his task.

“So I suppose I have to let Rory go,” Zoe says eventually, her voice sad.

I kiss her hair again. “There might be other options. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, right? You could talk to your mum about a compromise. Like… you agree to let her take him to Darwin, but that he comes and stays with you for a few weeks during the school holidays? And you agree not to tell him you’re his mum, but when he turns eighteen, the two of you sit down with him and tell him the truth? That way he’d be old enough to make up his own mind about it all. Obviously, I don’t know, but I suspect he might want to spend more time with you when he knows everything. I would, anyway.”

“Another nine years,” she says.

“It’s a long time, I know. It’s very harsh on you.”

She watches Howard snuffling about in the undergrowth. “At least your way, it’s not all or nothing. The thought that one day he might know makes me feel better.”

“I think he should know the truth eventually.”

She looks up at me, then. Her eyes are full of wonder. “Thank you so much for talking to me about it.”

“I just hope I haven’t let you down. “

“Not at all. You’ve been honest, and that matters to me more than anything.”

I lower my head and touch my lips to hers. They’re cool and soft, and we kiss slowly in the dappled sunlight.

Eventually, she moves back and gives me a hug again. “Thank you for bringing me here. You were right. It is the perfect place to think.”

“Yeah. There’s just something about it here that’s conducive to the brain and healing.”

“I feel better. Like the sun has come out for the first time in years.”

“Then it was worth it.” I play with her hair, studying the way the sun brings out the purple tones in the dark strands. “You said before that you don’t think you could adopt. Why was that?”

She’s quiet for a moment. Then she says, “I don’t know. At the time I was all tied up in knots about telling you the truth.”

“So do you think it’s something you could do one day? There are babies and children out there who are desperate for loving homes.”

Her green eyes study mine. “Maybe. Do you think you could adopt someone else’s child?”

“Maybe.”

Slowly, our lips curve up at this cautious acknowledgement that there might be a future for the two of us. I’m relieved to see that the fear and cautiousness has vanished from her eyes. For the first time, I think she feels that a man has accepted her for who she is.

She plays with my shirt button. “Long way to go yet, though. First of all you’ve got your interview.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you excited about it?”

“Kinda.”

She studies my face. “I’m sure you’ll get it because you’re so amazing, but you know whatever happens, I’m proud of you, right?”

I smile. “Thank you.”

“And don’t forget to put yourself first. That’s the most important thing.” She gets to her feet. “Come on, we should get back.”

Her words puzzle me a little. Is she saying I should forget about the fact that one of my best friends is also going for the promotion? I know that Manu really wants it, and that it would be so much better for him to settle in Wellington now his wife is pregnant. It has played on my mind a fair bit. But I guess Zoe’s right; at times like these it’s each man for himself, right?

We walk back through the forest, not saying much, content in each other’s company, while Howard finds a branch that’s far too big for him to carry and insists on dragging it along the path.

We have to wrestle it from him when we get to the gate, and Zoe picks him up, laughing as he covers her in wet footprints.

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