I run my hand through my hair. I’m going to need something stronger than Budweiser the way this is going. “I felt like it was best for her to stay away from me.”
“Okay, we are definitely going to circle back to that, but I want to hear thenoexplanation first.”
“No, we didn’t break up because I don’t think you can break up with someone if you were never actually dating them to begin with.”
The bottle freezes on the way to Summer’s mouth, her eyes scanning my face as she processes. “Wait. You were never dating?”
“Not exactly. Not… for real.”
She’s still just staring at me, and I realize it is in my best interest to keep talking. “I told everyone we were a couple to get the press to calm their tits… and to… leave you alone.” I mumble the last part before downing the rest of my beer.
“I’m sorry. You didwhat?”
I sigh. “Miles told me that the best way to get the press to leave you alone is to look like you’re happily in love. So, when the coach was grilling Callie and me about the recent gossip, I panicked and announced that Callie was my girlfriend.”
Nicky has lost interest in the containers already and is crawling over to me, pulling on my gym pants in a wobbly attempt to stand up. I scoop him up and bounce him on my knee. Honestly, with the look on Summer’s face right now, I’m kind of glad I have a buffer, even if he is drooling down my wrist.
Summer marches over, beer in hand, angry eyes locked on me. “First off, Miles doesn’t knowshitabout relationships or women or love. End of story. And second, what in the actual fuck were you thinking?”
“Mommy has a potty mouth,” I whisper to Nicky who is too busy chewing on his hand to care.
“Owen, I don’t know what’s worse,” she snaps. “That you used Callie to redirect the limelight or that you used me as an excuse.”
“I didn’tuseyou. I was trying to?—”
“To what? Protect me?” She mimes pulling out her own hair. “Owen, I understand what you’ve been through with our mom. But you have to stop trying to bubble wrap the people you care about.”
“That’s what I’m doing! What I’mtryingto do, anyway. I can’t protect Callie from the press, but the only reason they care about her is me. So, I removed myself from the equation.” My next sip of beer hits my stomach like an anvil. I feel hollow. “I’m taking a step back from her. And I’m going to find you and Nicky a safer place to live.”
“Absolutely not.” Summer shakes her head. I’m not surprised she is fighting me on this. “I’ve moved enough. I’m not moving again. I’m tired of running, Owen.”
“And I’m tired of watching you and Callie get hurt!”
I can feel the emotion balling in the back of my throat. I swallow hard, blinking fiercely. I go to take a drink just to have something to do with my hands, but my bottle is empty. I stand up and make my way to the kitchen, my jaw clenching and unclenching as I go.
Summer knows me well enough to let me take a second. She lets me open the bottle and take a sip.
I still have Nicky in tow. Something about holding him seems to help me from completely losing it. He’s taken an interest in the embroidered numbers on my jersey, running his small finger across the textured grooves. He smells like yogurt and that pink powdery lotion. I kiss the top of his bald head, keeping my chin there for a moment.
Then I say it. Without moving my head, without looking at Summer, I say the words out loud for the first time.
“I love her. You’re right.”
“I know,” Summer says sadly.
“And she could have died.”
“I know. But Owen, you could have died, too.”
“That doesn’t matter.” I take a sip of my beer, swallowing hard.
“It does. You matter, too. What you want and need is important. You can’t disregard yourself for other people. You can’t sacrifice yourself completely for the benefit of the people you love.”
I’m looking in her direction but notather. I feel too guarded right now. I take another sip. “Isn’t that what love is? Protecting the ones you love at all costs?”
Summer stands up and walks over to me. She kisses Nicky on top of the head, but her eyes, soft and brimmed with tears, are on mine. “Love is meeting a person in the middle and taking care of each other. It’s not a one-way street.”
She leans forward, catching my eyes, forcing me to look at her.