Page 92 of Truths

“You're not understanding me, baby. There is no moving on. Even in death, I couldn't move on. If I lose you again, I won't make it. If you're hellbent on leaving me, I need you to do me a favor and put my gun to my temple. Pull the trigger and end it. Because it's the only way I can let you go.”

A sob escapes her, and her hand flies over her mouth. “I can't... Don't say that.”

“Dani-”

“The thought of you... no. No, I can't. I can't even imagine it. Dax, that's... don't ever say that. Please.”

All he wants to do is hold her close, but he knows she's not ready for it. “I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I hate seeing you cry. Always have.”

Wiping her eyes, Dani lets out a loud breath. “I think I need to see someone.”

“Someone?”

“A professional. Someone who doesn't know me and can help me unravel everything. Someone who won't break when I do. And I know it's because you love me, but I need someone to be strong when I'm not. Lex made a really good point. Until I face what happened to me, I'm in their prison. Mentally, I'm in the basement still.”

He nods, hearing what she's saying. “I hurt when you hurt, but I never want you to feel like you can't say something because you're afraid of how it'll affect me. I'm not the important one right now.”

“I can't risk you not looking at me like you do. Before I cause you pain. But I need someone to help me navigate and cope with things as well as establish proper boundaries. I need to get out of my mental prison.”

“Whatever you need, we'll do it.”

Standing, she motions for him to do the same. “I want to do something, but I need you to follow my instructions.”

I'll do anything you need, baby.“Of course.”

“I can't stand being touched because it fills me with memories I don't want. But I want to touch you. I want to have you comfort me. So, I'm going to wrap my arms around your neck, but I need you to keep your hands at your side. I need you to let me touch you, but don't touch me.”

“Baby, just to clarify, my neck and chest will be touching you.”

Dani nods. “Yes, but not your arms. I need... I need to be able to free myself quickly if I need to. Can we try that?”

The idea alone of Dani touching him out of want, not comfort, has his heart racing, and all Dax can do is nod. She walks over to him, her entire body trembling, and she slides her arms around his neck, her chest pressing against his. Her cheek touches the skin, resting on the tattoo of her name, and he finds it difficult to breathe. His wife, the one he thought he'd never see again, holds onto him.

She lets out a few deep breaths as she slowly calms down. “Okay, now with only one hand, wrap it around me. But if I tell you to let me go, I need you to drop it immediately, okay? If you don't, I might freak out. And that might result in scratches and kicks, and I really don't want to do that to you.”

“Okay.”

He slowly lifts his left arm and wraps it around her back. The touch is gentle and tentative at first, but as she relaxes, he tightens his grip enough to feel like a real half-hug. He feels her heart pounding against his chest. Knowing how much anxiety this gives her kills him.

Just as he starts to remove his arm to give her relief, she says, “No, keep it. I'm trying to replace bad memories with good ones. Ones I've kept locked up because they hurt too much,” Dani says.

Tears run down his skin, and he fights back his own. A knock on the door interrupts them.

“Hey, Dax, we're ready to head out. You coming?” Psycho calls, his voice low.

“I need a few minutes,” he calls back, his voice cracking. “Please.”

“No problem, man. We’ll be outside.”

Just as Dax worries the spell was broken, Dani says, “Now the other arm?”

Shit.“Uh, do I swap them, or do I use both of them?”

A sob escapes, and he feels like he's failing. “Use both.”

He wraps his arms tightly as she sobs, and he feels both pain and elation as he holds her for the first time in years. “Dani, don't cry.”

“Let me go,” she says as she sounds like she hyperventilates, and his arms immediately fall away from her body as she jumps back and presses herself into the corner of the room. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Dax.”

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