Page 66 of Just Say When

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you to do.” I narrowed my eyes as he took a step closer. He froze. “Go on, then. Explain.”

He stared at me, his eyes pleading. “I don’t…I don’t know how.”

“You…don’t…know…how?” I repeated incredulously. “Gee, Brax, it’s almost like you didn’t havefifteen fucking yearsto contemplate that question.” He winced at the venom in my voice. “Tell me what you promised my brother.”

He looked away, his jaw ticking. “Essie…fuck.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, like he was trying to focus his thoughts. “Do you know what the statistics are for Aspen Springs?”

My forehead wrinkled. “What statistics?”

“The statistics for getting out. Towns like Aspen Springs, with maybe two thousand people, in the middle of nowhere? People don’t leave here, Essie. And when they do, they don’t go far. They go to Fort Collins and Aurora because they can’t afford Denver or Boulder on a fast food salary.”

“Okay, so? Who wants to leave?”

“Youdo.” He threw up his hands, exasperated. “You did. Don’t you remember what it was like back then? How badly you wanted to see the world? You wanted tobe a rodeo star. The next Charmayne James. Remember?”

“Of course I remember. I was still living that dream until a year ago. Iama rodeo star. Girls still ask me to sign their boots when they see me out. I got everything I wanted, but, Brax…” I couldn’t believe I had to explain this to him. I thought he understood. “I never wanted to leave Aspen Springs. It’s my home. I love it. I was runningtowardmy dreams, not away from home.”

“I know you love it here. That was the problem. To make those dreams come true, you had to leave some things behind. Like me.”

The way he said that, so soft, so aching. Like it broke his heart.

“No.” I sucked in a sharp breath. “No.Youleftme. That’s what happened. We were friends, and then one day, we suddenly weren’t. And you never told me why. You…” I shook my head. “You didn’t leave Aspen Springs. You didn’t even leave Jack. You just leftme. Why?”

He reached for me but I stepped back, evading his touch. “Please, honey. Try to understand. That day changed everything.”

I knew which day he meant. I had always known. But I still didn’t know why. “I apologized, Brax. I apologized so many fucking times.” My voice cracked, but I forged ahead. “I know it was my fault. I convinced you to skipschool. I convinced you to go hiking even though the trail was slick. We shouldn’t have been there, and it was my fault we were. It was my fault you almost died—” My eyes squeezed shut, like I could block out the memory.

“Fuck, Essie—” His rough hands cupped my face so gently. “Look at me, honey. It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to be there with you. I never blamed you for what happened that day. But I wasn’t the one who almost died.Youwent over that cliff, not me.”

“Oh.” I blinked at him. “Right. I know. I remember. But I wasn’t even very hurt. A little bruised, that’s all.”

His laugh came out strangled. “You saved my life. That’s how you fell off that fucking cliff. Do you rememberthat?”

“What was I supposed to do? Stand there and watch you die?” I demanded. I blinked rapidly against the stinging wetness in my eyes.

Because I did remember.

I remembered the split second when he flailed between safety and danger, how he reached for a tree but not for me, like he would rather die than risk taking me with him, how all I could think wasno. No, I was not going to live in a world without Braxton Hale. There had been no optionbutto save him.

“Here’s what I remember,” he said quietly. His thumbs gently traced my cheekbones. “I remember the look on your face when you pulled me back from the edge. I remember you put everything you had intohauling me back. You didn’t save anything for yourself. I knew…fuck, Essie. I had always been in love with you, but that day, I realized you loved me, too.”

“Then why…” My brows pushed together as I worked through what he was trying to tell me. “You pushed me away. You stopped talking to me. Why would you do that if you loved me?”

He dropped his hands from my face. Stepped back. “It had to be that way, Essie. Don’t you get it? Us being together was the worst thing that could have happened to you.”

“Says who?” I stared at him, an awful feeling twisting in my gut. “Answer me. What promise did you make to my brother that was so important we couldn’t be friends anymore?”

He looked at me and shook his head.

“Brax,” I said. “Fuckinganswer me.”

A muscle popped in his jaw as he turned away, rubbing his chest. “I promised him I wouldn’t give you a reason to stay.”

My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Why would he—why would you?—”

But Brax didn’t stick around to explain. He opened the door and walked through it, shuttingit firmly in my face.

I couldn’t believehe did that. He just…walked away. In the middle of a conversation.

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