Page 47 of Just Say When

I felt…full.

And that terrified the ever-living bejeezus out of me.

Because I knew what it was like to be empty. I remembered how it felt when Brax shut me out fifteen years ago. He would do it again. He would remember I was too much. It was just a matter of time.

I might as well prove it.

I figured I wouldn’t even have to try very hard. Just be myself, but turn it up a notch.

I was all the more determined because he was being so goddamned sweet to me after the postcard incident with my dad. And that was unacceptable. One thing I could not ever tolerate was pity, and coming from Brax, it was even more galling. Sometimes girls had shitty fathers. So what? It wasn’t like I was seeking male attention at strip clubs to validate my self-worth. I wasfine.

I hadyearsof experience getting under Brax’s skin.Yearsof learning which buttons to push to yield maximum aggravation. It should have been a piece of cake.

When he came home one evening to find me on the couch watching one of my favorite movies and plopped down beside me, I took the opportunity to provide a running commentary of every single thought I had ever possessed about this movie and anything remotely relevant to it. That kind of thing had driven him crazy in high school. He used to threaten to stuff one of his dirty hiking socks in my mouth if I couldn’t shut up.

But he fuckingsmiledat me and asked if I wanted popcorn.

Popcorn!

And then somehow, I found my legs on his lap while he worked out the knots in my calves that came from hours in the saddle, while I bit the palm of my hand to hold back my screams because his strong thumbsdigging into my tight muscles was a pleasure that mingled with pain, and unfortunately, that was exactly how I liked it.

The next morning, he offered me a ride to Lodestar, since he needed to head out there anyway to take care of some ranch paperwork.

“But then I have to leave when you leave,” I protested. “I was planning on putting in a long day.”

“It’s fine. I’m bringing my laptop, so I can just work from there. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”

I scowled. Why was he being so dang nice?

“I guess that’s okay,” I said.

He grinned. “Much obliged to you for finding it in your heart to allow me to drive you to work. Mighty kind of you.”

It was our usual back-and-forth. But now it felt different. We had always teased each other, even when we were best friends. Back then, it was all good-natured. After the day he almost died, he stopped it all together, and anytime I tried to poke fun at him, he simply walked away. It wasn’t long after I stopped trying to get a reaction from him that he started needling me again, but there was a rougher edge to the teasing.

Now that edge was gone again.

I didn’t know what to make of it. If he kept this shit up, I might start to wonder if he actually liked me. I didn’t want to wonder. Wonder led to hope, and hope led to heartbreak.

Around noon Brax poked his head into Pirate’s stall, where I was giving him a rubdown after our morning session. “You hungry? Dad’s making sandwiches at the main house for lunch.”

I wasn’t in the mood to play one big happy family with Brax’s dad and brothers. I was in a shitty mood, and the nicer Brax was to me, the more on edge I felt. “I’m good here.”

My stomach growled because I was starving. Ted made awesome sandwiches and it annoyed me that I had to turn it down. Closing Pirate’s stall behind me, I headed for the breakroom. There might be a leftover donut or something. James and the ranch hands tended to bring in a lot of treats to share.

Brax followed me. “I could go get the sandwiches and we could eat them outside. It’s a nice day.”

“I’m having a donut.” To prove my point, I flipped open the box, selected a glazed, and took a big bite.

The muscle in his jaw tweaked. “You can’t just eat a donut for lunch, Essie. You’re going to be working, what, another five or six hours? You’ll bonk.”

He was right. I knew he was right. But I couldn’t back down now.

I took another bite.

The muscle in his cheek popped even harder. With an aggravated grunt, he grabbed an apple from the bin, rinsed it off, and handed it to me. “At least eat an apple with it.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I muttered, taking the apple and brushing past him.

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