Page 46 of Just Say When

She didn’t stop me when I picked up the postcard.Hey, baby girl. Congratulations! Wish I could be there for the wedding, but I’m in Greece. This place is magic when the summer tourists are gone. Wish you were here! Love, Dad.

I set the postcard down with purpose, afraid I would crumple it in my fist like the trash it was if I kept holding it, and looked at Essie. “It’s just because of our circumstances. He’d be here for the real thing.” I knew it was a lie even as I said it.

“I didn’t tell him it was fake,” she said neutrally. “Come on, let’s go.”

I didn’t budge. “Why didn’t you tell him?”

Her gaze flicked to mine and then she looked away again, shrugging. “I figured…he wasn’t going to come, anyway. But someday, maybe I’ll get married for real, and even though I know he won’t show up, I’ll hope he will, and when he doesn’t, it will crush me. Better to get it out of the way now, when it doesn’t actually hurt. So that Iknow.”

“Essie.” My chest felt tight. I had the crazy idea that it might be worth flying out to Greece tomorrow and flying back the very next day, just for the pleasure of kicking this man’s ass into the Aegean Sea.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” she said, her tone still flat, which meant she was not fine at all.

So I ignored her words and put my arms around her. It was like hugging a rock. Her arms hung at her sides, not returning my hug. There was no give to her rigid muscles. No crack in the shields she had up.

“Okay, that’s enough, thank you. Can we go now?” she said.

But still I held on.

She didn’t fight me. I wondered if maybe that was her way of proving how little she cared about the whole thing.

I kept holding on.

And then suddenly everything changed. She didn’t melt. She didn’t relent.

She turnedfierce.

Her arms scooped under my shoulder blades, and she grabbed me by the shoulders. She dug her fingers into my muscles, into my bones. I didn’t doubt there would be ten little bruises there tomorrow, but I didn’t care. Dampness spread across my shirt where she pressed her face. Her hoarse breath sawed in and out.

Still I held on.

“Why do Icare?” she raged and her fingers dug in even harder. “It’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid to care, honey,” I whispered against her hair. “He’s the dumbass here, not you. The best thing about you is that you care. You’re all heart, Essie Price. And that…Do you know how amazing you are? You stole a horse to keep him safe. You married me to help your mom.”

“Then why doesn’t he think I’m amazing?” she asked damply.

“Because he’s small, honey. He’s so fucking small. And you…you’re bigger than the whole sky.”

She inhaled sharply. And when she slowly let it go, I felt her tension go with it. Her fingers relaxed their death grip on my shoulders. But I didn’t stop holding her.

“Imagine being the kind of person who goes to Greece as a tourist and then complains about all thetourists,” I said. “Imagine being that particular breed of asshole.”

She snorted a laugh against my chest.

After another long breath, she sighed and pulled away. “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah, honey. I’ll take you home.”

20

Essie

For once, I let go first.

Maybe because for the first time in my life, someone gave me exactly what I needed. Not what they thought I should have. Not something less than I wanted. For the first time, I wasn’t left wondering why I always asked for too much, why I tried togivetoo much.

Brax didn’t make me feel like too much. He made me feel like it wasenough.

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