I know what Idon’twant. I don’t want to lose almost a thirdof my income if we’re not on the same page. I don’t want to jeopardize my job if he isn’t looking for more.
“I mean . . .” I fiddle with the blanket between my fingers. “We did everything we were supposed to do, right?” I look over my shoulder at his bedroom before wincing. “Maybe a little more than we were supposed to.”
The corner of Chase’s mouth quirks. “A lot more.”
I playfully narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs. He’s right. We dida lotmore than we were supposed to, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I meant what I said to him earlier, I don’t think I could ever have enough of him.
But I guess this should be it.
I stare down at my phone again, reading and rereading. “She’s acting like I went to that party knowing she’d be there.”
Chase scoffs. “I’m not surprised. That woman thinks the sun rises and sets for her.”
“You never mentioned me?”
Chase tries to think. “She called me while I was out with all of you, and I told her I couldn’t talk because I was with my girlfriend. I think that came as a shock to her. She was in a bad mood for a few days, but she bounced back.” My lips dip at the corner as the weight in my chest intensifies. Chase must read my expression because he adds, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Candace.”
A humorless laugh leaves me. “She’s threatening my livelihood.”
His lips press into a thin line. “What if you slowly work on adding more clients to replace what you’d lose, and we’ll just hide this from her?”
He’s trying to be helpful, but I bristle. Why is this all on me? Even if I don’t take the pay cut, I’d have to jump over hurdles, and for what? “Hide what from her? What exactly would you and I be doing?”
He stares at me. “I—I don’t know. This. More of this.”
I frown, my eyebrows pinched as I search his face. “Getting carried away after I agreed to be your fake date to a Christmas party? Because that’s what this is.”
The words hurt to say out loud, but they’re true. They’re an oversimplified version of whatever this is between us, but the bottom line is, they’re true.
His expression hardens. “That’s what you think this is?”
“Am I wrong? You’re the one who made this fake from the start, you tell me.”
“But is that what you want?” His eyes drop to the floor before daring to find mine again.
Something about the way he’s looking at me softens the tension in my shoulders. Letting out a breath, I shrug and surrender to the truth. “I think I don’t want to go back to working two jobs.”
He runs his hand over his mouth and nods, his body turning rigid. “Okay. Yeah.”
His response feels like a blow to the chest, but at the same time, it’s what I expected. Last night, he said this was real, but a lot of men say things they don’t mean when they’re about to have sex. I give a sharp nod. “Do you think I can borrow some clothes? I’ll bring them back.”
Chase runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Let me see what I have.”
I follow him into the bedroom and awkwardly stand in the doorway like this place should suddenly be off limits. Part of me is afraid that if I walk in there, one of us will pull the other onto that bed again, and I don’t think my heart can take making the same mistake twice.
Chase digs through one of his drawers until he finds what he’s looking for. Handing a folded pair of clothes to me, he says, “You can keep these.”
Ouch.
Is he letting me keep his clothes, so we don’t have to face each other after this?
“Okay.” The word falls out of my mouth on autopilot. I point to his bathroom. “I’ll just change and be right out.” It feels ridiculous considering ten minutes ago, he was eating food off my naked body. But that side of us has quickly shifted into . . . well, this.
“Take your time,” he says with a tight-lipped smile before leaving the room.
As soon as I’m alone, my chest heaves and my eyes burn. I want to fall apart, but I can’t let myself turn into a puddle—not yet, anyway. Not without Miles here to mop me up.
When I walk into the bathroom, it’s hard to look in the mirror. I look worse than I did when I first woke up, but I guess that’s what holding in sudden heartbreak will do to you. It shouldn’t feel sudden. I knew this would happen. Maybe not the part with Nicolette, but I knew whatever dream I was living would be met with a bucket of cold water eventually.