Page 63 of Full Send

But maybe she’s also right. Maybe I do need to start opening up and talking more about what’s bothering me. It was ok today with my grandparents. Nothing bad happened. If anything it felt like a relief to be vulnerable. I’ve always been so willing to take physical risks on the mountain, on the river, in the backcountry, and with other dumb stunts. I’ve always been ok with those risks, accepting them and thinking the best case will still play out. But when it comes to emotional risks, being vulnerable, I’ve always just shut down and been unwilling to take them, fearing the worst case.

Maybe it won’t always be like it was a decade ago with mom.

And with Ronni now, I was so wrapped up in my head about Collin getting mad or upset about me being into Ronni that I was absolutely unwilling to risk it. I assumed the worst was always going to happen, that I’d end up with neither of them in my life. I never once let myself think that everything would be ok. I never once thought that Collin wouldn’t care or maybe even be happy that we were interested in each other. And after tonight, the way he reacted so well, I can’t help but think I should have done thisyears ago. Maybe if I had taken the risk then, I could have had so much more time with her.

I look back over at her in the passenger seat, still smiling at me, her hand on my thigh. If opening up means more times like these with her, then I will fucking try to keep doing it.

“Come on, let’s get inside. Someone wants to see you.” I gesture towards the cabin with my head.

As we walk in, Rex is there and practically jumps into Ronni’s arms.

“Well hey there, Captain! It’s been a while. Are you still the bestest boy?!”

She gets down on her knees, scratching him behind both ears giggling the whole time.

“Captain? You remembered his full name, Captain Rex?” My jaw drops. I can’t fucking believe she remembered that.

I actually might be a bit jealous at how much of her attention he’s getting.

“You seriously think I forgot his name was Captain Rex? Did you forget how many times I watched those movies and cartoons with you and Collin, even when you guys were in your twenties?” She looks at me, rolling her eyes.

Yep. She’s perfect.

Chapter 31

Veronica

Without a Clock

Iforgot how much fun it was having a dog around the house. They’re always happy to see you, always just living in the moment. I’ve considered getting one, but I never thought it would be fair to a dog with the long hours I work.

I play with Rex for a few minutes while Tanner heads towards the kitchen to get Rex’s dinner.

“Come on, boy. Time to eat. You’ll have plenty of time to play with Ronni later,” he says, as if Rex is a person understanding every word.

It’s funny listening to the way he talks to Rex. He looks right at him and they even make eye contact. These two clearly have full conversations when it’s just them around. I laugh at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” Tanner asks, eyeing me suspiciously while he leans against the kitchen island. “Never seen a guy talk to his dog before?”

“Nope, not like that at least,” I say, sitting on the barstool next to him. “I get the feeling you guys have lots of conversations.”

I watch as his eyes drift to the ground, wringing his hands awkwardly.

“Yeah,” his tone more serious now. “I know I’m talking to myself, but I do vent to him. It sounds crazy but it helps me work through things.”

“It’s not crazy, Tanner. I get it,” I say, taking his hand in mine. “It’s not easy opening up.”

I look up at him, one side of his mouth trying to pull up to smile. I feel like I’m getting a glimpse into a part of him he’s been concealing for years, something I’m not supposed to see. It’s endearing, but heart wrenching to think that he’s been hiding so many feelings for so long.

I let go of his hands and reach up to hold his face, wanting to put him at ease. With his beard trimmed down now, I can feel the lines of his face. My fingers run over his jaw and cheekbones. He’s still the goofy, silly cute Tanner I’ve always known, but like this I can’t help but appreciate all the little details I’ve taken for granted and the way he’s aged.

His eyes close at my touch, his mouth opening and I can feel his warm breath on my wrist, the sensation hitting me all the way down to my needy pleasure points. My finger lingers on his dimple, my thumb on his lips, running across the edges of his now neatly trimmed mustache.

“Ronni,” he says, his voice low and husky, “it’s getting late. Want to get to bed?”

“Mmm. I was hoping you’d say that,” leaning forward to whisper playfully in his ear. “I want what’s mine.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” His husky voice in my ear, I can feel his breath now on the nape of my neck, making the hairs on it stand up as I inhale sharply.

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