Page 62 of Full Send

Everyone looks at each other, sighing in acknowledgement.

Ugh, she’s spot on. Even I’m tired. I’ve been up since the crack of dawn working and the nerves from worrying about Collin’s reaction are taking a toll on me tonight.

“Alright, let’s call an Uber to get back to the condo. I’m ready to get a solid night’s sleep,” Collin says, getting up from the bench.

Ronni and I stand up. I grab her hands, pulling her in for a hug.

“See you tomorrow, horny badger,” I say smirking. She’s still not amused by my nickname, but I fucking love it. She blushes even more now that Collin and Lizzy know about us. I want her to come home with me so bad tonight. I want to spend the nightwith her, waking up to her by my side in the morning, starting a bright new year together.

“Seriously, I’m right here guys,” Collin says, his brow furrowed as he looks at us.

“Sorry, Collin.” I look down at the ground.

“Gotcha again,” he says, now smiling. “Seriously, stop trying to hide. I’ll admit though, it was adorable for a bit. If you guys want to stay up and ring in the new year together at Tanner’s place, go for it. It doesn’t bother me.”

I look at Ronni, a bit surprised but also totally happy about it. She nods, a smile growing on her face before she rests her head back on my chest.

“Thanks, Collin,” I say nodding. “How about instead of 8:30 Tram Center, we’ll see y’all at the condo around 7:30? I’ll bring coffees and pastries.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Lizzy says, yawning and shuffling her feet. She’s clearly ready for bed.

“Awesome,” Ronni says. “Happy New Year guys. We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Happy New Year to you too, lovebirds,” Collin says. “Love you both.”

After Collin and Lizzy catch an Uber back home, Ronni and I head back to the truck to go back to my place. The whole ride back, I can’t take my eyes off her, holding her hand for the entire fifteen minute drive.

“That went surprisingly well,” she says, exhaling a much needed sigh of relief.

I chuckle. “You have no idea how terrified I was, Ronni. I’ve played that moment out in my head hundreds of times over the years and never once did it gothatway.”

“Are you telling me you were afraid of Collin?” she asks, sitting up straight now, eyebrows raised. “You can’t tell me the unflappable Tanner Chapman is afraid of my brother? The sameCollin that bitched out on Corbett’s and wouldn’t go down until both of us did? The same Collin that would obviously lose to Little Bitch Bear?”

I can feel myself frowning. I hate talking about my feelings. I try to bury this so much and hide it, but with her it’s like she can just tell what’s going on in my head. I keep thinking about the mudroom, and she knew something was off with me that night. It’s like… I actually want to tell her everything that’s going on in my head now, to stop hiding my fears and problems.

“I wasn’t afraid of Collin, that’s not it. I’ve been afraid of losing him for years.” Ugh it feels surprisingly good to say that out loud.

“Why would you lose him, Tanner? Because of me?” She’s looking at me with a surprised expression on her face. She grabs my hand again and the warmth from her touch makes me want to keep sharing everything.

“Because Ronni, I’ve had feelings for you as long as I can remember. But Collin’s my best friend. And every time I think about you and wanting to try and tell you how I feel, to make something happen, my mind immediately goes to what happens if it goes wrong, if Collin ends up hating me, if I lose both of you. I’ve been so afraid of that for years. And every time I think of that, of feeling even more alone, I just... I just shut down and want to turn off my thoughts, to drown out the pain somehow.”

Fuck me. I’ve never said that out loud to anyone.

Today is a day for firsts apparently. First, opening up to my grandparents about this. Now, opening up to her even more.

I look over at her in the passenger seat. There’s a look of sadness in her sparkling hazel eyes, but also one of understanding and compassion.

“Tanner,” she says softly, still holding my hand, “thank you for telling me that. It’s ok to talk. It’s ok to let it out. Please. Keep doing this. You can always talk to me, to Collin. You know that,right? Maybe you should start taking your own advice more, justsend itand tell people what’s bothering you. Also, I’m pretty sure it would take more than trying to be serious and date me to make Collin hate you.”

She laughs after the last bit.

“Are you saying… we’re dating then?” I ask, as we pull into the driveway, eyeing her carefully.

She laughs before leaning forward to give me a kiss.

“Fuck it,” she says, “yes, we’re dating.”

I can feel myself grinning ear to ear as I lean towards her to kiss her. Her mouth opens to greet mine. God it feels so good, to feel her tongue slide along mine, hearing her breathe so close to me.

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