Page 5 of Full Send

It’s good to be back here. My home away from home.

We make our way across the tarmac and through the iconic elk antler arch welcoming us to Jackson Hole, a replica of the arches found in the town square.

The airport is indeed small, although practically brand new. The way this place has changed over the last decade with the influx of money has been amazing to watch, albeit slightly disheartening as well for long time locals and visitors. A place that once felt like a secret - remote and off the beaten path - rawand original - has grown so much in recent years. But it’s still special to me.

My happy place.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” A boisterous voice cuts through the hustle and bustle of the baggage claim area. There’s Collin with a luggage cart, ready to go.

“Took you long enough,” he says jokingly, tapping his toe and looking at his pretend watch. I could spot him a mile away. Any place feels like home when Collin is there with me, my biological other half.

“See, I told you there would be perks to having him here. Remember, house boy?” I jokingly nudge Lizzy with my forearm.

“Thanks for picking us up, Collin,” Lizzy replies, charmingly as ever. No hint of the disappointment from before about this not being a girls trip. This is what I mean.

Always. On.

“Ohhhh… free mimosas?!” Lizzy squeals over her shoulder as she brushes past us making her way towards the Welcome Kiosk along the back wall of baggage claim and picking up a fresh mimosa.

To be fair to Collin though, he would insist this is actually still a girls trip. Collin, myolderbrother, by a measly twenty minutes, has been out as bisexual since the summer before his freshman year at the University of Cincinnati. So I get it, he wants to be included in all our girly shit and frankly I want him here too. But even if Collin might want us to think of this as a girls trip, he’s anything butgirly.

He has always been a classic troublemaker - always joking, always getting into something with his friends, especially his old friends out here. He played multiple sports through high school, and was always fiercely competitive with me on the slopes. It seemed like I was even getting dragged into whatever the boys were getting into back in those days. I can’t really complainthough. I think that’s part of the reason I fell in love with skiing as much as I did and became driven to succeed in my career, or at least try to. I wanted so badly to keep up with the boys and even beat them when I could.

Collin was that way too, always wanting to impress our dad and it showed between his competitiveness and excellence in academics. I only realized after he came out that he thought he had even more reason to try and prove himself, even though he had nothing to prove.

He’s tall, traditionally handsome, with wavy brown hair, a shorter cut version of my own, and a well manicured permanent five o’clock shadow. He’s a gifted athlete and super intelligent. It was really just on our trips out here, visiting our grandparents that he got to unwind and be himself, finally out from under the eyes of our dad.

As for Lizzy’s concerns about him joining ourgirls trip, she still raised the question if she should worry about my brother hitting on her, despite my initial reassurances.

Maybe it was a tongue in cheek joke or maybe it was a real concern of hers. She’s not wrong to think men would want her. She would be an amazing catch and always has attractive men pining after her too. I mean she is single after breaking up with that prick Johnathan too. They were together for years before she found out he was cheating on her this summer. Apparently, his frequentworktrips were not so business related. So I totally get not wanting to deal with men for a bit after that.

But the thought of Collin being interested in Lizzy was enough to almost bring me to tears laughing. They are just not each other’s type. Girly girl Lizzy, always put together in her cute matching yoga outfits or short dresses, with a full face of makeup and perfect hair, and Collin, my gay leaning bi brother with a thing for more masculine partners? As if!

At lunch last week, I tried to put her mind at ease.

“Lizzy, he’d be flattered, you’re a catch,” I cackled. “But for real, you wouldn’t be his type even if he was still dating women. And as far as I know he’s dated exclusively men for the last five or six years. Nevertheless, I assure you Collin will be on his best behavior. Well, with you at least.”

If anyone knows Collin’s type besides him, it’s me. Collin is my twin, a true mirror of myself in so many ways. I don’t know where I’d be without him sometimes. Always there to vent to when work sucks. He’s been my lifelong skiing buddy. He’ll listen to me cry or when I complain about my love life, which has been helplessly dormant for years since my last serious boyfriend. I mean, again, who has time for that if you work a real job, workout, and want a full night’s sleep?

Through it all though, over the years, Collin’s been my rock. The one who can finish my sentences and read my thoughts.

I guess some things they say about twins really are true.

As Lizzy looks for our bags to arrive at baggage claim, I sneak a quick moment with him. Wrapping my arms around him and burying my head in his chest for a much needed hug. He holds me tight in his arms and it feels like I’m wrapped in a warm, comfy security blanket. After a few seconds, I break away looking back at him.

“Thanks for picking us up,big brother,”I tease, raising my eyebrows. He cracks that wide, familiar, comforting smile.

“Anytime,lil sis.”Ahh. This feels good. Thebig bro, lil sisroutine has always been our little inside joke.

“You doing alright, V?” The tone was a bit more serious, maybe even a hint of concern. We talked on Christmas Day and he knows I got turned down for the promotion again.

“I’m good I guess, just the same old work BS. Just trying to get out of my own head. I’m glad I’m here now with you and Lizzy.”

“Work still that bad?” he asks, a look of worry on his face.

I vent to Collin about everything. He’s even asked why I haven’t left Fischer years ago, maybe for a lateral move to start over somewhere else. And honestly, every time he asks, I can’t really come up with a good reason for why not and I’m starting to agree with him.

But each time, that thought is followed up by doubt about what I could do now to change it? Could I just quit, take my hard earned savings, and completely start over? The thought of looking for a new job, the stress of interviewing, the waiting to maybe get a call back, all create a new wave of anxiety. I start wondering what could I have done differently? How the fuck did I get even here?

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