Page 89 of Full Send

“Thanks guys,” I sniffle as the tears slow to a trickle.

Collin gets up and leaves the room, I assume to go find Tanner. As we hear the door close, Lizzy looks at me.

“What happened with Tanner?” Her voice is still that unfamiliar calm and compassionate tone.

“I told you, we fought. I don’t know why I was ever dumb enough to think this dream could last. I mean I was living ina fantasy, right? I knew he’d eventually be his old self, never serious,” I say, still angry at what he said before. “He said my job was shitty and not worth all of this.”

She frowns, “Is that all he said? I’ve only known him for like a week, not nearly as long as Collin and you, but I don’t thinkTanner Chapmanhas a mean bone in that ridiculous body of his.”

I feel the corner of my mouth lift, thinking about Tanner.

“No, that’s not all he said,” I say, wiping the waning tears from my eyes. “He said they don’t deserve me and that I don’t need them in my life.”

She pauses for a moment, before putting both hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes.

“Look girl. I love working with you, seriously that place would suck without you there. But like, he’s not wrong. You hate that place and it sucks seeing you miserable. I’ve always heard you talk about being out here, like it’s some magical escape, always thinking you were just embellishing and exaggerating about how great it is.”

She stops for a moment, and I see a small glimmering tear in one of her eyes that she promptly wipes away. My own crying has stopped. Damn. Who knew Lizzy could be this comforting.

“Ugh. You’re gonna make me ruin my makeup,” She sniffles. “But after seeing you here, and seeing youwith him, I can’t picture you anywhere else. And I certainly don’t want to imagine you back in Dayton at Fischer, not after knowing what a happy, excited Veronica is like.”

We both laugh, hugging each other tightly again, before I break the silence.

“I’m still mad at him,” I say, wiping my runny nose. “And I still have to leave for this fucking meeting.”

“I know, V. I know. Don’t worry about Tanner right now. Let Collin handle him. Focus on the presentation. We’ll figure outthe rest,” Lizzy says, standing back up. “Now come on, we gotta get you a new flight, packed, and cleaned up. I won’t allow you to be the weird sloppy lady in first class.”

Chapter 44

Tanner

Your Move

My morning plow runs are a blur of anger and fear. After rushing through them and trying to calm myself down, I finally get back to the cabin. I can feel myself unraveling and I can’t sit or stand still. I don’t even bother going inside and I just start to walk down my driveway towards the road. I can feel the snow crunching under my boots with each step. I look around and my eyes strain, the bright white snow reflecting the light from the rising sun.

Before I realize it, my muscle memory has taken me to the dive bar off Moose Wilson Road, around the corner from the cabin. It’s later in the morning, but they have a kitchen and serve food for the locals trying to get a bite to eat before hitting the slopes.

I grab my usual stool, finally calm enough to sit down at least. Benjamin stands at the far end of the bar cleaning while Alexis, the other bartender, brings me a beer. I typically come here on days I’m not skiing for lunch and a beer after my morning plowruns. I nod to her before she walks off, looking at the sweating bottle in front of me without touching it.

I thought about ordering breakfast, but my stomach is in knots and the thought of food makes me nauseous right now. I can feel my legs trembling, my foot tapping away at the bottom rung of the barstool. My mind is racing.

My heart feels like its trying to claw it’s way out of my chest, tearing apart everything inside me on its way out. I feel like I’m either going to throw up or stroke out.

I think I just fucked up everything I’ve worked so hard for. I finally had everything I’ve ever wanted and I just needed to keep working for it.

Why did I have to say that to her? Why couldn’t I have just helped her stay calm and say we’ll see each other when you’re back again soon, let’s get you ready for your presentation? She trusted me and I let her down, not knowing what she needed. I should have just kept my feelings fucking buried.

That’s what happens.

When I share too much, shit just fucking blows up.

Fuck.

I watch the veins in my forearm straining as my hand grips the bottle. The fingers on my other hand are buried in my hair and I can feel my scalp burn as they clench into a fist.

I’m sitting here fighting the urge to scream. If I fucked everything up… if I hurt her…

“Tanner,” a voice from the entrance calls, stopping my thoughts in their tracks.

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