Page 8 of Full Send

Lizzy huffs, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at Collin.

“You know, you should really see it at night, Lizzy. I remember as a kid our grandparents would take us out at night for dinner or to pick up pizza to take home. Collin and I would have our faces pressed against the window looking up at all the neon signs overhead. God I miss those days. It was almost like a year round Christmas light show,” I say, reminiscing as I look out at the town square.

I can see Collin nod in agreement from the driver seat. “Yeah, some of them are pretty cool. Like the Cowboy Bar sign, it’s animated and the cowboy is riding a bucking bronco.”

It’s not too hard to imagine what it would have looked like fifty years ago. Sure, the dirt roads have been replaced by nicely paved roads, traffic lights, and crosswalks, but the storefronts, saloons, and wooden boardwalks are all still here. Except now there’s an abundance of high end boutiques, art galleries, and fancy restaurants instead of the old tack shops, gun stores, and feed shops.

Fortunately no high rises have gone in at least. The tallest buildings around town are four stories at most, preserving the views of the mountains surrounding downtown.

In the heart of it all though is still the old town square.

In the winter there’s an ice rink in the center of it. Despite being touristy, our grandparents still taught us to skate there. In the summer it’s a great place to enjoy a coffee and a pastry, and read a favorite book on a park bench.

Standing at each of the four corners of the square are the iconic elk antler arches, made from antlers collected by local Scout Troops from the elk refuge. At night, they’re illuminated by countless strands of white Christmas lights. Even with all that’s changed over the years, I’ve always thought the square was charming and romantic at night.

At this point, a coffee sounds great. But not just any coffee. I need the good stuff today. After we find a parking spot, we head straight to one of my favorite places to grab a casual bite to eat in town. It’s not fancy, but I’ve been giddy all day waiting for this. One of my guilty pleasures, a treat for me when we’re in town, are regular stops into Cowgirl Coffee, practically becoming a temporary regular. It’s a charming little spot just off the old square, a perfect lunch to fuel up before going out shopping and showing Lizzy around.

My order hasn’t changed in years. A large iced honey badger with oat milk, an extra shot of espresso, and a chorizo breakfast burrito. The honey badger, with its combination of cayenneespresso, cinnamon, honey, and oat milk might sound like a bit much, but to me it’s the perfect combination. Cold yet spicy, sweet yet a bit savory. Paired with a breakfast burrito, it’s my favorite winter breakfast, even though it’s lunch today.Mmmm. I get chills of joy just thinking about it.

“V. I don’t know how on earth you can walk around town when it’s twenty degrees out and down an iced coffee like that,” Lizzy chides after we grab our orders to go. “Either that coffee must be amazing or you must be a serial killer.”

“You know Lizzy, someone once told me you can tell how dedicated someone is to the iced coffee life by whether or not they still drink them in the winter. Well I’m not just dedicated, I’m a diehard fan. This drink is my ride or die.” No offense to Collin or Lizzy.

I’m not exaggerating. I think there have been days in the past here where I’ve had at least two or three of these throughout the day. I would kill for a place that could make these back in Ohio, a taste ofhomein the midwest.

As I’m enjoying myicedhoney badger, my little bit of bliss is interrupted. There’s a ping from my phone, the one I specifically set up for Jeff. I swear dude, it’s the Thursday of Christmas break, our office is closed the whole week. What can you possibly need? I begrudgingly check my work messaging app, feeling the impending sense of doom creep into my psyche.

Nothing major. Okay breathe, V. He’s just confirming another detail for the Earth SnaX presentation. I know this presentation by heart at this point. Slide for slide. Word for word. I swear at this rate, I should just do the presentation for him. Why should he get more of the credit for my work anyways? Calm down V, no need to spiral. Not even Jeff can take away the joy of a honey badger on a snowy morning in Jackson. I look out across the square, absorbing the views of the mountains and town around me, taking a deep breath of the cool morning air.

“Was that Jeff? What the hell could he want right now? That dude isthe worst,” Lizzy scoffs, a look of disgust on her face.

“Oh nothing, he’s just confirming something else for Earth SnaX. No crisis, thankfully.” I breathe an exaggerated sigh of relief and take another sip of my sweet and spicy drink.

“So what do you want to do next, Lizzy? You’re the one who’s never been here before.” Collin has joined the conversation finally.

“Umm… shopping obviously? Isn’t that what you do in ski towns?” She gestures as if she’s strutting along carrying shopping bags in each arm. Lizzy’s not wrong. That’s what it feels like most tourists do and what most of Collin’s friends on their first visit here want to do.

Collin and I take her for a stroll around the boardwalks surrounding the town square for a while, plodding along, our snow boots against the wooden planks sounding like something out of an old western movie.

I’ve always found the assortment of shops in ski towns and resorts to be amusing. It always seems to be a bizarre, confusing combination of touristy stuff like tacky t-shirt shops, souvenir shops, and cowboy boot or western wear stores, and then ultra high-end jewelry shops, rug stores, and art galleries.

Practical Veronica shakes her head in disgust. What a waste.

I’ve been saving my money like crazy for years, the idea of a safety net bringing a small amount of comfort to me. I think like many millennials, there’s still residual trauma left over from the 2008 financial crisis, having interned through it and seeing the aftermath impact so many of my peers for so long, still playing catch up today. But a small, hopeful part of me clings to the idea that maybe one day I could abandon my life plan, quit my job, say fuck it, move somewhere I love, and start over. It’s a fantasy I’ve tried to keep hidden deep in the recesses of my mind, but rears its head more and more these days.

As we work our way further along the boardwalks and store fronts, I look across the street towards the town square. At one corner under one of the arches, a young couple is standing there talking and laughing, coffees in hand. After a couple seconds of this, they share a quick kiss, press their foreheads and noses together, eyes closed, and then go along their way.

The charm of this place is overwhelming sometimes. I’ve always wondered if I’ll ever have someone of my own that I can share this place with, making my own happy memories here. There are so many things here I want to show people and share with them to see their faces light up like mine. When do I get that, my person? I deserve happiness, don’t I? I feel sad, angry, fearful, all at once.

Stop. Clear your head, V. Take a deep breath, a hopeful breath.

One day, maybe, one day.

After bouncing around town into a couple of souvenir shops and then window shopping a few others, Lizzy finally is looking for something specific.

“Alright guys, where’s the best place to find locally made jewelry?” Ah there she is. Always looking for new things to compliment all of her cute, curated outfits.

Meanwhile most of my jewelry was left to me by my grandmother, including her gorgeous wedding ring and engagement ring. She always said she dreamed of me finding thatspecial somebody, but these days that feels so far from reality. But I rarely buy myself anything nice. Practical Veronica says save money, don’t buy it if you don’t need it.

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