Page 57 of Full Send

“Damn, Chap!” Collin shouts as he brushes past me and bear hugs Tanner. “You clean up well. I can’t remember the last time I saw you without a beard. What’s the occasion, bro?”

“New year, new me I guess,” he says looking at Lizzy before landing on me. “Gotta start the new year off right.”

“Lookingfine, Chap,” Lizzy says, with a whistle as she eyes him.

“It’s a good look for you, Tanner,” I say, giving him a forearm to the ribs. “Didn’t realize you could clean up like that when you’re not in ski gear.”

I think I played that subtly enough. But he’s right. Definitely a new Tanner. I didn’t think he could look any better but fuck me, he sure can. His once scruffy beard is now shaved down to a near perfect five o’clock shadow, but his mustache is still full, just a bit more neatly trimmed. His chiseled jaw now that much more visible and it’s practically criminal how easy it is for him to flash his dimples without his beard. I can already feel sensations deep inside me rearing their head again.

As my eyes meet his, I realize he was doing the same to me, his eyes starting on my legs. I can feel my face start to go pink, blushing at his gaze. I’m a fair bit taller than Lizzy, so the dress shows more of my legs than I’m used to and he definitely took notice.

A man clearing his throat interrupts our moment. “Ladies and gents, what are you having tonight?”

We all turn to the two bartenders Tanner was talking with before we arrived, now eyeing us with exhausted looks.

“Guys. This is Benjamin and Alexis. They work here, but also over at another dive I’m at most of the time. So please, be nice to them. I have to see them even when you’re not in town,” Tanner says, looking down his nose at us as if to saybehave please.

“We’ll make it easy on you,” Collin says, “four yellow jackets, please.”

As Collin waits for our beers, I look back to Lizzy and Tanner. “So Tanner, get all of your work in this morning?” I ask.

“Yeah, started at the crack of dawn as usual,” he says, “but I finished plowing early and dropped off some knives with Rex downtown before lunch with my grandparents. Even got a little work in on the other knife project. Starting to go well I think. How ‘bout you guys, good day so far?”

“Pretty good, Chap,” Lizzy chimes in. “Easy ski day and a nice afternoon nap. Got plenty of beauty sleep in too.”

Lizzy has hopped onto one of the barstools next to Collin, her bare legs on display as she looks at Tanner. Collin turns away from the bar, beers in hand now.

“Alright guys, I just wanted to say there’s no one else I’d rather be celebrating the new year with than you guys,” he says, raising his stubby beer bottle as we all bring ours in. “Now, cheers to us and whatever fortune the new year brings!”

After taking a sip of our drinks, Tanner looks at me with a smirk.

“Hey, Ronni,” Tanner says, “want to go check out the jukebox? I could use your musical taste.”

“Sure, I bet we can find something worthwhile. See you guys in a sec,” I say, looking back at Collin and Lizzy.

As we reach the jukebox, I look back toward the bar. I see Collin and Lizzy, now talking to a very handsome cowboy, sandwiched between them. He looks younger than her, butthat’s her type. Tall, muscular, dark hair, a five o’clock shadow covering his square jaw as he smiles wildly. She’s never been shy about finding herself a boy toy. Lizzy is running her finger down his chest over his shirt while Collin talks to him, playing wingman for her.

Hah! Maybe Lizzy will find a cowboy to ride after all.

“Looks like they’re a bit distracted finally,” Tanner says, looking down at me before tilting my chin towards him, giving me a soft kiss. His touch sends shivers through me, bringing back all the memories my body has of him.

“I missed you this morning. I was getting used to my lift line coffees,” I say, smirking up at him.

He laughs, his sparkling eyes looking down at me. “You know if you lived here, I would gladly make that into an everyday thing for you.”

“I wish. But some of us have to live in the real world.” As I say this, a small frown crosses his face and he looks toward the ground.

“The real world… You know, it’s not all fun and games here, Ronni. It’s not always the fairy tale you think it is,” he says, the frown still trying to take over his face.

“What do you mean, Tanner? It’s me, you don’t have to bottle it up,” I ask, holding his hand tightly, lacing my fingers through his.

“It gets lonely here. Most of my old friends are gone, my parents left, and you guys aren’t here very often any more. It’s just… I feel alone most of the time. Sometimes I just feel…,” he says, hanging his head, looking at our hands now.

I feel a knot growing in my stomach. I’ve always thought of Tanner as this invincible, brash, happy go lucky person. But seeing him this vulnerable now, like how he was that first night in the mudroom, thinking of him being alone, feeling isolated here… it guts me.

“Tanner.” I squeeze his hand tighter. “I don’t know what’s happening with us yet or where it will go, but I can tell you one thing. Collin and I will always be here for you. Call us, text us, but please, just talk to us. Open up. You’re never alone.”

“Hey. I’m opening up now, aren’t I?” he says this with his characteristically smug look back after I let go of his hand.

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