Page 19 of Full Send

Yep.

The entrance to the run goes smooth. My first few turns barely take any effort. I line up to go to the choke point of the chute, heading straight for the big snow covered rock. I look up just briefly and catch Collin and Ronni giving me a puzzled look before their eyes go wide. I even catch Ronni start to shake her head.

I gauge my speed perfectly. The snow on top of the big rock is just firm enough for me to pop off of as I leave the ground, turning into a 360 degree rotation, watching the world spin around me.

I come down hard, but still in control. The snow in the landing wasn’t quite as soft as I expected, but good enough. I ski over to Collin, my heart pounding and pushing adrenaline through my veins. Nailing a landing like that always makes me feel so good, so alive.

“Nice, Chap. You still got your moves,” Collin says, reaching towards me to bump my gloved fist.

I pull up my neck warmer to help wipe the snow off my goggles. “If you say so. I was starting to feel like I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Well, if that’s you feeling old, I’d take that any day. Now, come on. Let’s get back to the chairlift and get another run in.” He turns to Ronni, who is still just shaking her head, her goggles resting on the brim of her helmet.

“What? I told Collin we were saving the best for last.” I shrug, raising my gloves hands towards them. Lizzy meanwhile is back to giving me the same death glare from last night.

Fuck me. I do not envy the guy that ever tries to date her. “Was that a sick enough line for you, Lizzy?”

Lizzy rolls her eyes before looking down to fiddle with her gloves.

Ronni looks back to me though, a sheepish grin on her face. “It was pretty good,Tanner. But maybe next time work on your landing a bit. Looks like you hit it a little hard there and got sloppy.” She dips her chin and smiles at me and winks before pulling her goggles back down.

I feel butterflies in my stomach as she turns away, my breath hitching. The way she gets to me so easily always startles me. It’s like she’s always been able to see me, the real me, and she can poke and prod around in my head to push my buttons.

Hitting a big ski run? Sure, no problem.

But her just smiling at me or batting her eyes? Still all these years later, it’s enough to make me feel like a silly teenage boy again.

???

Collin turns and starts skiing back down the mountain towards the lift. We end up in line for the old two person chairlift. Looks like I’ll be riding with Collin.

After hopping on, Collin grabs a snack bar from his backpack. “Want one? I have extras.” He looks to me, holding a bar out.

“Sure. Thanks bud.” I say, taking my gloves off before grabbing it from him.

“No problem. Glad I’m back out here on the slopes with you though. I missed this.” Collin looks forward, chewing as we ride the lift up the mountain.

“Same man. I wish you guys were out here more often like the old days. It’s pretty boring without you guys here,” I reply, sighing and hanging my head. I find myself looking down at theslopes below us, thinking about all the fun times I’ve had here with him, Ronni, even Clay and Grace. I do miss those days.

“Boring?” Collin asks, turning towards me with a surprised look on his face. “You can’t tell me this place is ever boring, especially for you. You got everything you want man. The slopes, river to kayak, mountain biking. Even your workshop is awesome. How could you ever get bored?”

I muster a halfhearted laugh. I never know how to explain to anyone, much less to Collin, that I feel so alone most of the time.

And he’s right. I love this place. It’s amazing. But it’s not the same without someone to share it with. And everywhere I go, something always brings back memories of all the people that aren’t here with me any more. Everyone that’s moved away or stopped coming to town.

“I guess you’re right. It’s still pretty great here,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

My eyes drift out over the scenery around us, settling on where the granite peaks of the mountains meet the horizon. As the silence lingers between us, I can feel Collin’s gaze on me.

“You good bud?” he finally asks, nudging my shoulder with a fist.

I stay quiet, dwelling on that question. I know he’s my best friend. I should feel like I can open up to him. But it just feels selfish to complain. Everyone’s got their own shit to deal with, why should I be any different? It never helps. I remember the last time I truly vented a decade ago. It didn’t change anything though. It hurt so much to open myself up for once and be so let down.

I let out a long sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, man. I’m good. Just a little tired. Still catching my breath from that last run. Come on. Let’s find another good run!” I put on my best smile, hiding my feelings again before punching Collin back on his thigh. “Youmight beat me in the gym, but I’m still going to kick your ass out here.”

Collin snorts a puff of air before giving me a sidelong glance and dropping the topic, seemingly satisfied with my answer. And why wouldn’t he be? He doesn’t have any reason to think I’m anything but fine.

Leaning into the padded backrest of the chair lift, I look down at the snack in my hand and see the tattoo on my wrist. It’s the one I got right after I turned 18, right after I skied Jackson Hole’s toughest run for the first time nearly fifteen years ago. The corner of my mouth ticks up into a genuine, warm smile at the thought of that day.

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