Page 43 of Darkness

How much longer will it be before she needs to know?

I look at my hands, staring at the numbers tattooed on my fingers. They are the numbers I was known as for most of my life. The other hand has my grandad’s numbers on them.

I hear her soft feet tapping the wooden floor as she walks over to me. Turning the side light on, she places her hand into my hair as she walks around the couch and sits on my lap. I adjust a little to make myself more comfortable. My hands move up and down her thighs.

“I thought you left.” She continues to run her fingers through my hair. Why does it always feel so good?

“Never,” I whisper out the words.

“So, what’s keeping you up at night?” What a loaded question, and how do you answer it without her running a mile? “If I was going to run, I would have ran after I saw you beat theguy up in your office.” She has a point there. I was impressed she was still there, and she didn’t ask one question about it.

“Talk to her.”A cold breeze makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I close my eyes and the words repeat in my head.

“I had a fucked up upbringing. Up to the age of eight, we were a happy family, but then it all went to hell. God, did it go to hell?” I open my eyes and she staring at me, her fingers still moving softly through my hair. It's a feeling I’m enjoying more and more. “I can’t tell you the full story, but I live with the scars every day, as well as the nightmares, the smells, the sounds. You name it, I remember it. I’m going to show you what’s under this t-shirt, and I know you need to know everything, but not now, not tonight.” I can see her breathing getting faster, and I know I need to tell her more. “All this started when I was eight. You will see scars from a whip, some knife marks, burns, cigarette burns, and some are from razor wires. You’ve seen my hands. They are pretty messed up from fights.” I stop when her hand freezes and she looks into my eyes, searching for something, but she won’t get anything from them. I learned a long time how to hide everything from people.

“You were only a little boy.” Her voice is broken. I don’t like anyone feeling sorry for me.

“All you need to know is, none of this happened because of my parents.” She needs to know my parents never laid a finger on me. A part of me blames one of them, but they never hurt me. “Do you want to take off my t-shirt?” I ask her, and she freezes.

Leaning forward, I feel her lips brush against my cheek, and I grab the bottom of my t-shirt, and take it off, then stand up, picking Autumn-Rose to stand up with me. She needs to look at all of it.

I take a step back from her, and her eyes slowly move to my chest. I hear the gasp escape her mouth as it opens. My tattooscover a lot of them, but they will never cover up the texture of them. I turn around so she can see my back.

My family hasn’t even seen my scars. Showing her is hard, but I can’t keep them hidden from her for much longer.

I feel her fingers touch my skin, but she avoids my scars. I realize what she’s doing. She’s outlining the tattoos.

Turning back to face her, I shake my head as I wipe the tear away from her cheek. Her fingers move over the numbers which I never got tattooed. This was my ID for over ten years. Fuck, even longer than that.

“These numbers were my name.” I stop her hand from moving over them and kiss the top of her hand. “I’m full of darkness. I’m full of demons. I have a lot of enemies, but I swear on my grandad’s grave I will never let anything happen to you.” She softly places her hands on my shoulder and around to the back of my neck. “When I tell you what that man means to me, you’ll understand that it’s a promise of all promises.”

“I trust you, I don’t even know how to show it. I know that the man who stands in front of me would do anything for me. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me. I know he hides his past from me because he’s worried how I will react.” Her fingers move through the hair at the back of my neck, and I close my eyes, feeling relaxed when she does that. “This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever been me, I’m truly happy with a man. I feel safe. I feel cherished. That’s because of you, Cain. And if you’ll still have me, I’m not going anywhere.” I slam my lips into hers, pulling her closer to me as I sit back down. This woman might just be what I’ve missed in my life. But it also means I’m hiding her from the world, because I am scared someone will hurt her just to get to me. And I want to avoid that at all costs.

Of all the times for my cell to ring it’s now. Fucking hell, who the hell is calling me right now? I grab my cell off the coffee table.

“Lincoln?” I answer.

“No, this is his neighbor from downstairs. I came up to his apartment, because it sounded like he was having a fight with some-” I sit up straight, and Autumn gets off me, and sits next to me.

“Is he okay?” I ask in a panic.

“I can see a large amount of empty bottles.I don’t know if he’s okay thought.”

“Fuck, get out and lock the door. I’m on my way.” I end the call and have a look at the date. “Shit.” I quickly get up and put my t-shirt back on.

“I can come with you,” I hear Autumn-Rose behind me.

“You get some sleep, and go to work in the morning. It’s my fault I should have realized the date.” I grab my shoes and keys.

“What’s the date?”

“The day his life changed.” I lean in to give her a kiss, then another one. I really am addicted to them. “It seems like every time we have these types of conversations, something gets in the way.” She giggles, and I look at her for a moment, not sure what’s so funny.

“Because they know we’re strong enough and understand each other. Nothing is coming between us.” She jumps off the couch and kisses me again. “Now go look after your friend.”

He is more than my friend. He is my guardian angel, and today I let him down.

Seventeen

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