Page 99 of Darkness

“Logan, when I said I’m open to building a relationship with you, it didn’t mean at four o’clock in the fucking morning.” I haven’t spoken to Logan since the night we went to The Pit. He sent me a few messages here and there to ask if I’m coming overfor family dinner. I never went, and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there or if he was asking for mom.

“I know. Coach wants to kill us early this year, and wants to start practice a lot earlier, and-” he stops talking, and looks around. I’m not sure who he thinks could be here. It’s four in the morning. Who would be here other than me and Autumn? “The Crawfords told me about-”

“Which one?” I ask him.

“Hayden.”

All of them knew not to say anything to anyone, so for Hayden out of all of them to say something, makes me think why?

“You were going to go down there to fight and not even tell me? For someone who said they were open to building some sort of relationship, you’re not really trying are you?” Logan places his hands into his jeans pocket, and I raise a brow. Why the fuck is he wearing jeans at this time of the morning?

“Logan-”

“No, whatever you have to say I’m not listening. I came here the other night hoping…” he looks up at me and locks eyes with me. Do you want a brother?” I press my lips together and think about how to answer that question.

“Do you? You have Blake and Travis, isn’t that enough family-”

“You always throw them in my face. I didn’t know about you, but I want my brother to let me in.”

Getting off the stool and walking to the bar, I fill a glass of whiskey, and grab a beer for Logan from the fridge, and then sit on the couch looking out at the night sky. Logan sits next to me, and we sit in silence for a moment.

“I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t think you cared, and for that I’m sorry.” Taking a sip of my whiskey, not turning to look at him, I ask, “How has mom been doing since she found out?”

“Quiet. Are you going to talk to her before you go? Hayden told me you coming out alive is fifty-fifty, was he telling me the truth?”

So that’s the reason Hayden told him. If I don’t come out of The Pit, Logan and I should have some sort of messed up brotherly bond. He doesn’t want just me, but also Logan to feel like we missed the chance.

“No, I'm not. And yes, Hayden told you the truth. I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. Uncle David knows what to do if things don’t go my way, so everything is in order.” Drinking some more of my whiskey, I let my words settle for Logan.

I told the family that the boys and Uncle David will come to The Pit with me. Autumn is to stay between Lincoln and Hayden, and if I don’t get out, the house is already in Autumn’s name, and I want them to look after her. The club will stay in the family, but Lincoln will be in charge of it, and The Pit will be Lincoln's to control. I made sure everything was on paper and Autumn is looked after.

“Thank you for not killing me when you got out.” I laugh at Logan’s statement. “I mean I have a feeling you could have with no one ever knowing.”

“I could, I even had the chance a few times. Crazy, but I started to like you three.” Finishing my whiskey, I get up to fill my glass. “How is Meadow?” I ask. She is an excellent dancer, and was annoyed when Logan stopped her working, but if anyone needed someone to look after her it was her.

“She’s good, Poppy misses Autumn. We’re almost finished with the garage too, come down to have a look.”

“When will you be open?” I ask.The three of them have a good business idea, but it all depends on what they do after it opens. I mean if they want help, and business sent their way I’m more than happy to help.

“After the summer.”

“School, and the new business?” I question, knowing he has to finish college, because grand-dad told me Logan and the boys won’t get any money from the inheritance unless they finish.

“Yeah, but between the three of us we should be good. Might not sleep much, and Blake is thinking of going Pro after college, so it might be Travis and I for a bit, and looking after the fight club, too.”

“Blake is too fucked in the head to go pro, he’ll kill someone.” Logan laughs at my statement, but it’s true. I like Blake, he’s more of a ‘I don’t care what you think,’ person. Whereas Logan because he thinks about mom, worried about her, he didn’t have the chance to be carefree, and Travis was always looking for answers, so the three of them never had the chance to be free.

“That’s what we told him, but it’s still a while away yet.” I feel Logan staring at me. “I want to be there when you fight, and I want to help while you’re down there. Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.” Logan almost sounds like he’s not giving me a choice in the matter, but I don’t have time to teach him anything.

I lean forward, looking at the night sky, taking in the silence for a moment, it might be the last night I get to experience the night sky.

“You know when I was down there, when grandad was killed, and I was alone. My best friend was me, the person I spoke to about everything was me, my family was me, my doctor was me, everything you have here, I didn’t. For most of my life it was only me. Trust, not just in you Logan, but in the family has only now happened. Out of everyone, Lincoln is the one I trust, no matter what I would call him.” I turn to face him as I lean back on the couch. “It's not that I’m pushing you out, I’m just used to not having anyone.”

“But you have people now, you have a brother who is sitting next to you. Let me in.” Finishing my whiskey, I place the empty glass on the table, taking in a deep breath.

“I’ll talk to Lincoln when he gets in, if he needs help in the club to call you and Hayden, and-” I stop for a moment, and think about what I’m going to say. “I’ll ask Uncle David when someone can’t be with Autumn, to call you. And I’ll tell Lincoln to call you when they’re coming down.”

I have to give this to Logan. I have to let him know I trust him with the woman who means everything to me. I’m open to this. I open to having a brother.

---