Page 69 of Darkness

I know she wants to go to the sixth floor, and one day I will take her, because I’m going to make her strip for me, then do things I’ve wanted to do to this sexy body on that floor.

My cell beeps on the nightstand, as I’m kissing Autumn’s shoulder. I turn around to check the time. Four in the fucking morning.Why the hell is my cell beeping? Sitting up in bed, I open my app to see who the hell is at the back of the building wanting to get into my apartment.

Fucking hell, the last person I ever thought I’d see at my place, and at this hour, too. Grabbing my sweats off the floor, I put them on, and exit the bedroom. I unlock the back door and open the elevator for Logan.

I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge as I wait for the elevator to get to my apartment. This is the first time he’s come to my place, fuck no one but Lincoln and Hayden have been here. Logan has shown no interest in me, so why the hell would he ever want to come here?

The doors slide open, and I stare at Logan as he steps out looking around my place, then locks eyes with me.

Logan walks closer to me, and I pull out the bar stool to sit down as Logan stands staring at my chest. I didn’t put a t-shirt on. There is nothing to hide from them now, they’ve seen it all.

I wait for him to ask me for whatever has brought him here at this time in the morning. only come to me when they want information. Not one of them has come to me just to talk. Travis is trying, but even I know he’s only doing it because he thinks he owes something to Tess. He doesn’t, and he needs to move on from it.

Taking a sip of my water, I wait for him to say something, it’s been a few minutes of him just looking around my apartment.

“Logan-”

“Mom’s been crying all night, fuck I haven’t been able to stop thinking about The Pit.” Logan finally looks at me. “I thought mom had no choice to have me because of what the asshole did to her. You were the one she wanted, but I never thought about how you saw it. Seeing The Pit was fucked up, but I understand why you hate-”

“I don’t hate Mom, I needed her to see what her decision did to the family. She broke me.” I tell him, I could never hate her, dad loved her, grandad spoke nothing but good things about her, even after what she did. I just have to put my anger to the side and forgive her for everything.

“Cain, I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, and-” he stops and swallows hard. “-I’m sorry for how I’ve been with you.” Logan stops when his cell rings, and he pulls it out of his pocket and ends it without even looking to see who it is. “I hated you for hiding yourself for so long, from mom, and even me. Now I understand why you did it, to protect us. In your own way it was to protect us from The Pit.” He takes a deep breath, and looks over to the bedroom when Autumn walks out.

“Cain?”

“It’s okay, I’m still here,” I joke with her, and she shakes her head then looks at Logan. “You get back to bed.” Autumn gives me a small nod, then walks back to the bedroom, and I look back over at Logan.

“All I can say is I’m sorry, and if you’re still interested in-” He stops and puts his hand into his jeans pocket, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Once you think it’s safe, thought we could-” he stops again, and looks at me.

“Logan, when it’s safe, I'll let you know.” I know what he is trying to say, but I also understand it’s difficult for him. I would be the same. Showing our feelings is something I don’t do. The only difference between us is that he doesn't have a good poker face.

“I know it’s difficult, but if you could talk to mom. It really hit her hard… I know it’s not going to be easy to forget or even to forgive, but please can you talk to her.” I stare at him for a moment, and I can see that it was hard for him to ask, but I wish it was that easy to do.

I look away from him for a second, before I turn back to him. “You know when I was in The Pit, for years I hated you. I hated you for taking my mom away from me, I hated you were living in heaven while I was in hell because of your dad. For years I kept telling my grandad when I got out I was going to kill you, just to hurt your dad.” I take a sip of my water, before I continue. “But I got out, watched you and your brothers, you hated your dads, just as much as I did, but you got my respect for becoming men by yourselves, I liked the way you three worked. Plus, my grandad kept telling me, it wasn’t your fault, I knew it wasn’t, but for me to hate you as much as I did, and to then put it aside, should show you I had forgiven you, in my own time.” I get off the barstool and walk closer to him, and he stands tall. “One day I’ll forget what mom did, but I don’t think I will ever forgive her. Maybe that day will come, but until then, if it makes you happy,I’ll talk to her, and put all my feelings to the back of my mind. You’ve seen me play happy family, you’ve seen me smile in front of her, and I will continue to do that, but I’ll do it for you. And, when the day comes that I forget everything, and forgive mom, you’ll be the first to know.” I pat his shoulder a few times.

“Cain-”

“Logan, I’ve tried to forget what happened, I've even tried to forgive her. But then I close my eyes and some fucked up memory hits me, or my eyes burn, I feel like I want to smack my head with a sledgehammer, fuck when I look in the mirror and see this-” I point to my body. “-The pain, the nightmares, it all overpowers the forgiving part. But again, for you I will try.” I remove my hand from his shoulder, and take a step back.

“That’s all I’m asking.” He places his hand on my shoulder this time. “I’m sorry, I misjudged you.” He takes a few steps back and smiles. “I’d better get back, Meadow is going crazy with the cell calls now. I kind of didn’t tell anyone I was coming here.”

“Logan, my door's always open, if you need help, or if you want to talk.”

“And I want you to know, you have a brother, who’s open to being brothers.” With that, he presses the button, the doors open to the elevator, and he leaves.

So, it took him seeing hell to finally let me in. I’ll take it. I’m open to building something with him, I have from the start. Maybe things will be different now.

Twenty-Five

Autumn-Rose

The music starts,and I take a deep breath. Today after Poppy’s lesson I wanted to spend some time skating, time on the ice to myself. There are two reasons why I know there is no need to look over my shoulder.The first being Cain is here, and secondly, Logan books out the whole rink for Poppy’s session, and then an extra thirty minutes for me. So I can be free for a small moment.

I push hard and glide my skates across the smooth, slick ice, my left leg bent slightly as I bring my right leg out behind. I’ve been listening to this song for a while. Lighting by Little Mix. There’s something about this song it calls to me, it gets me moving.

I bring my right leg down and push so I move a little faster, turning around and skating backwards, letting my body move to the music. I feel I can skate how fast I want and as much as I want, because I skate like no one is watching me. It’s something I did when I competed. I always closed myself off to the people watching, the crowd, the judges. If Ii thought about them watching me I would make mistakes. So I would block them all out.

I know for sure that there is no one coming after me when I’m on the ice. It’s just me and the ice, and no one else.

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