Page 69 of Penalized Love

The war within me rages, screaming thatthis is a mistake andI’m being a boss by reaching out to meet.I should have thought more about what I was going to say before texting him, but here we are. It would have been easy just to text him and say thanks, but I wanted to meet with him in person.

Why am I lying to myself? I know exactly why I wanted to see him.

“Are your roommates here?”I ask, glancing around and breaking the silence at the same time. Go me.

He shakes his head.“No, they’re gone, at least for now. It’s just us.”

“Ah.”I’m not sure how to feel about that. I’m glad we’re alone, but given what I’m feeling right now, I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse.

Asher leads me into the living room, and we both take a seat on the couch, which leaves a respectable distance between us. I exhale as my fingers make their way to the hem of my sweater. I’m struggling to find the right words to start this conversation.

“So,”I begin, my voice sounding a little shaky, and I hate it.“I wanted to thank you again for coming over the other day. It meant a lot that you were there for me.”

Asher’s green eyes meet my blue ones, and I see a flicker of emotion in their depths.“You don’t have to thank me, Isla. I’m just glad I could help. I couldn’t do much to take the pain away, but?—”

There he goes, being all sweet again. I shake my head and put my hand up to stop him from talking.“No, you did so much, and I appreciate it. Eventhough I wonder if it has made things awkward between us. Or maybe that’s just me being caught up in my own head about all the things that are going on between us and I should?—”

Asher’s chuckle stops me.“Sunshine, you’re rambling.”

I feel my cheeks grow warm because of his words. He’s right, I am rambling. I take a deep breath, trying to slow myself down.“Sorry. I guess I’m just a little nervous.”

“Why?”

I bite my lip.“Because of everything that has happened since I moved back here. It’s just... it’s brought up a lot of old feelings.”

Asher nods slowly.“I know what you mean. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about it too.”

Relief washes over me, but I can still feel the heat on my cheeks. At least it’s not just me. “Really? I wasn’t sure if... I mean, after everything that happened between us...”

Asher leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.“Isla, what happened back then... I was young and stupid. I made a mistake letting you go. And seeing you again, being around you, it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed you.”

My heart swells at his confession.“I’ve missed you too. More than I wanted to admit. But what about my PCOS diagnosis?” I blurt out the question without processing that I was going to ask it.

“What about it?”

“I experience some of the side effects that come along with it.”

Asher tilts his head as if he’s trying to understand what I’m trying to say. “I don’t understand how that would change how I feel about you.”

“But I have difficult periods sometimes, as you saw the other day.”

“And I wish I could take the pain away.”

“I have excess hair growth that I sometimes shave off.”

He shrugs. “So what? I’m hairy too.”

That makes me laugh for a second. “And I told you about the weight gain and pregnancy?—”

Asher touches my cheek, silencing me without saying a word. “I don’t care about any of those things because all I want is you. All of you. I also did some research after you told me about it so I could educate myself. Like things you can eat that might help lessen the symptoms, medicines you might have to take….”

I close my eyes while leaning into his touch and trying my best not to cry. It feels so natural to me, and I refuse to fight against what seems to be instinct. I’ve missed his touch, and it’s only now that it hit me.

“But that’s not all.” I open my eyes as he finishes speaking. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a slender, off-white box. “Glad I didn’t smash that in my back pocket.”

He hands me the box. I stare at it for a moment before opening it to reveal a delicate silver necklace with a small teal charm shaped like a lotus flower and a teal ribbon intertwined. “This is a reminder of how strong you are in your battle with PCOS. The teal lotus flower and ribbon represent your fight, resilience, and strength throughout all of this. You’re a warrior.”

My tears make their appearance as I look at the necklace. I touch the charm gently before looking back up at Asher. “It’s beautiful,” I whisper. “Thank you so much.”

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