Page 65 of Penalized Love

He shrugs.“Lady’s choice. I’m just along for the ride.”

I scroll through the options before settling on a lighthearted rom-com. As the opening credits roll, I find myself snuggling deeper into my pillows, and it just so happens that my head lands on his shoulder.

And neither one of us says a word.

25

ASHER

The silence between Knox and me feels like a ticking time bomb as we sit across from each other in our living room. I didn’t expect the words to flow like we were on the best of terms, but this is painful.

With a sigh, I lean forward, my elbows land on my knees, and I say,“So...”I clear my throat, trying to find the right words.“I know things have been weird between us lately.”

Knox snorts.“Weird? That’s the understatement of the fucking year.”

I open my mouth to respond, but Knox cuts me off before I can get a word out.“Look, about what I said the other day, about Isla?—”

I cut him off this time.“I overreacted, and I know you didn’t mean anything by it. There’s a bunch of stuff going on, and I don’t know up from down half the time.”

Knox’s eyes zero in on me. It’s the first time he’s looked me in the eye in who knows how long.“I can see that. You’ve been playing well for the most part, but you’ve still been off your game.”

The truth hurts, and I can’t deny that he’s right.“I’m doing the best I can right now,”I say.

“Your best?”Knox’s laugh is harsh.“Your best isn’t good enough if this is it. We’re all busting our asses out there, and you’re dragging us down with whatever the hell’s going on in your head.”

I flinch at his words, feeling the weight of my own failures pressing down on me.“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose, Knox. I’m trying to keep it together.”

“Trying?”Knox rubs a hand across his chin.“You think trying is enough? We’re not just talking about you here. The whole team is feeling it. You used to be the guy we could count on. Now? You’re a fucking liability.”

His words slam into me like a sledgehammer, and for a moment, all I want to do is fight back, to tell him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I can’t because, deep down, I know he’s right.

“I get it,”I say, my voice barely above a whisper.“You’re right. I’ve been off my game, and it’s affecting everyone. But it’s not just about Isla. There’s a lot going on that I haven’t talked about.”

“So talk.”

“It’s also my family. My mom... she’s been struggling… financially, I mean. We weren’t rich by any means when I started here, but she’s had blow after blow over the last few months. I’ve been trying to help where I can, but it’s difficult.”

“I get it. Family stuff is never easy. But you can’t let it follow you onto the ice. You’ve got to compartmentalize and get help.”

I nod, knowing he’s right, but it’s easier said than done.“I’m trying, but sometimes, it feels like everything is just too much. It feels like I’m being pulled in a million different directions and can’t keep up.”

“So ask for help. You’ve got a whole team behind you, Asher. We’re here for you, but you’ve got to let us in. You can’t keep shouldering all of this on your own.”

I lean back, running a hand through my hair as I exhale.“I just don’t want to be a burden and let anyone down.”

“You’re not a burden. But you are letting us down when you don’t trust us enough to tell us what’s going on.”Knox’s words are blunt, but I can hear the underlying concern in his voice.

He makes an excellent point that I agree with. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know I need to communicate better and ask for help when I need it.”

“Damn right, you do. We’re a team, Asher. On and off the ice. We’ve got your back, but you’ve got to let us in.”

This conversation is helping more than I expected because I do feel the tension leaving my shoulders.“Thanks, Knox. I mean it. I know I’ve got some work to do, but I’m going to try to be better about leaning on you guys when I need to.”

“Good. Because we need you, Asher. The team needs you. But more importantly, we want to be there for you as a friend.”Knox reaches out, clasping my shoulder.

I manage a small smile.“I know. And I’m going to do my best to be there for you guys, too.”

“I think the guys will appreciate that. And I’m sorry for pushing your buttons the way I was.” Knox asks as he drops his hand from my shoulder.“So what’s the plan? What can we do to help?”

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