Page 45 of Penalized Love

Selene stares at me for several seconds, as if she has no idea what I’m talking about. Then, the realization hits. “YOU. DID. WHAT?”

All I can do is nod and bite my lip.

“THAT’S ALL YOU’RE GOING TO SAY?”

“Selene, stop yelling.”

She looks around as if she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. “Oops. When I suggested it, I didn’t expect you to actually do it. You usually blow me off.”

“Well... he blew me off in my childhood bathroom. During the team bonding thing at my house.”

“I’m so... proud of you. Was it worth it?”

I roll my eyes at her praise. I’ve already proved that I suck at lying, so here goes nothing. “It was fantastic. The only issue is that our playtime session didn’t result in me not wanting him anymore. I didn’t fuck him out of my system.”

“This is such a?—”

“A mind fuck? Yep, that’s pretty much the way I would describe it,” I finish for her. “It’s surreal, and I can’t believe I did it. However, I have no regrets, so there’s that.”

“Have you talked to him since?”

I shake my head. “Nope. I’ve seen him at the rink this week, but haven’t spoken to him. Mostly because I’ve been running from him every chance I get. What’s funny about all of this is that he said he wants to try and rebuild some sort of professional relationship, given that I now work for the hockey team, and we’ll be seeing each other frequently. And look what I did. Made things more complicated, apparently.”

“And how do you feel about all of it now?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Honestly? I don’t know. It’s a hot mess, and a large part of me wants to avoid him like my life depends on it.”

“Yes, but you work for the hockey team.”

I sigh. “Yes, Captain Obvious, I know. And it is a dream gig for me. You know I did something similar at NYU, and I wanted to continue it here…to help me feel like everything is returning to normal.”

“True, and you shouldn’t have to give that up just because of Asher,” Selene says. “This is your chance to do what you love on your own terms.”

I nod slowly because she’s right. But it’s easier said than done. “I know, I know. It’s just... hard. Being around him again stirs up all these old feelings. Feelings I thought I’d buried a long time ago. Between being in love with him and growing to hatehim, it’s just hard. As was he when we did what we did in my bathroom.”

That makes Selene burst out laughing, and it takes her a second to catch her breath and be serious again. “That’s understandable. It’s difficult facing your past, especially when it’s wrapped up in someone you used to love who betrayed you. I remember how crushed you were when he took you out on that date, only to tell you he didn’t think things would work out.”

And here come the painful memories that I tried so hard to forget. Selene was there for me almost immediately after, when I called to let her know what Asher had said to me. She’d been there to wipe away the tears that hadn’t stopped flowing, no matter how hard I tried, because I’d had my heart broken for the first time in my life. She was also there when I declared that there was no way in hell I was going to Crestwood University because he was going to be there.

“I remember it like it was yesterday,” I say, rubbing my index finger across my lips. “How he looked at me after we enjoyed your standard dinner and a movie was so cold. His words made me question whether I was hallucinating or not. I truly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, and then he just... ended it. Just like that.” I punctuate the end of my sentence with a snap of my fingers.

“And yet, you didn’t let him break you.”

“Oh, he broke me. I just didn’t let him keep me from putting myself back together.”

Selene smiles at me. “And that’s what matters most. You picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and kept moving forward. It wasn’t easy, but you did it. And now, here you are, back at Crestwood, ready to chase your dream and get drunk.”

This time, my laughter is genuine. “I don’t know about the drinking part, but thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably be an even bigger hot mess,” she teases, nudging me with her elbow. “But I’m proud of you for handling this situation with much more grace than most people would.”

“I don’t know about that,” I say, shaking my head. “I still feel like I’m barely keeping it together sometimes.”

“Who doesn’t feel that way?”

“Good point.”

Selene reaches over and grabs her phone. “Enough talking about Asher for now. Let’s focus on more important matters, like what we’re going to eat tonight. My treat.”

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